I keep missing work due to illnesses (mine and kids)-will I get fired?

[Anonymous]

You need a nanny that can take the kids to the doctor. Full stop.

Yes, one or two days a week for six weeks is insane and it looks really really bad, even if you otherwise haven’t taken time off since June.

[Anonymous]

You will not be fired for taking PTO days that you have, as long as you are keeping up with deadlines.
Sounds like you need a vacation. Plan a full week off, soon, when the kids are in school & DH is at work. If you are running low on PTO, do it in early Jan. See how you feel after sleeping a few full days. Would a month of FMLA give you a restart? If you get rid of the nanny & other expenses, can you quit? What do you need/want for the next 2 years?

[Anonymous]

This is really really hard. And it looks like youve hit a wall and your health is suffering. 1. Apply for fmla and take time for YOU to sleep and rest and recover. You need it. 2. Get a nanny that drives, speaks english and can take your kid on appointments and therapies. I cant believe you have a non english speaking nanny for a kid with epilepsy!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:You will not be fired for taking PTO days that you have, as long as you are keeping up with deadlines.
Sounds like you need a vacation. Plan a full week off, soon, when the kids are in school & DH is at work. If you are running low on PTO, do it in early Jan. See how you feel after sleeping a few full days. Would a month of FMLA give you a restart? If you get rid of the nanny & other expenses, can you quit? What do you need/want for the next 2 years?

Op here. I have tons of sick time and vacation time. I think over 400 hours combined.

The thing is I can’t keep up with deadlines-I’m trying but I keep missing things.

If I was going to get fired, they would at least first talk to me about my performance, wouldn’t they? That hasn’t happened yet but maybe I’m putting too much hope into that.

I’m not even sure what I want 2 years from now. My life has been in survival mode of just trying to get through the next few hours for so long that I can’t really remember what it’s like to think beyond that.

[Anonymous]

Yes, they must talk to you (& document) when they are initiating a termination plan.
Please schedule a vacation to think over some things. You have the time - now is the time to schedule a full week off, for yourself, to just think about things & figure what you need. You are in trouble & no one is coming to rescue you - please take care of yourself & take the time you have earned, think about what you want/need, & do it.
Rooting for you, OP.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Yes, they must talk to you (& document) when they are initiating a termination plan.
Please schedule a vacation to think over some things. You have the time - now is the time to schedule a full week off, for yourself, to just think about things & figure what you need. You are in trouble & no one is coming to rescue you - please take care of yourself & take the time you have earned, think about what you want/need, & do it.
Rooting for you, OP.

Says who? Do you know where OP works and their company policy?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Yes, they must talk to you (& document) when they are initiating a termination plan.
Please schedule a vacation to think over some things. You have the time - now is the time to schedule a full week off, for yourself, to just think about things & figure what you need. You are in trouble & no one is coming to rescue you - please take care of yourself & take the time you have earned, think about what you want/need, & do it.
Rooting for you, OP.

Op here. Thank you for this. I’m going to see what I can do.

[Anonymous]

Please hang in there OP. There is a bad case of covid/Flu/RSV going around, my kids keep collecting them are pass them to me. Our entire family is down since late September.

If you exhausted sick lease, file for short term disability.

The last time we had terrible rounds of virus was year 2018, my kids and I were getting sick twice a month.

While it negatively impacts our work output, in the end of the day, we are human and we get sick. We can't possibly put our work output on a pedestal and let that define who we are.

[Anonymous]

Why don’t you get ahead of this and talk to them first. Initiate a performance conversation; you should not wait for them to do so as then more serious.

You have the leave so take 2 weeks off from next week until jan2. Tell them what’s going with your workload and if you can transfer to someone.

People get cancer, sick parent or child and do this - at least where I have worked.

Also very confused by your dh comments. Does he not see how sick and depressed you are? Are you saying he doesn’t care, does not see, has depression, addiction, or putting his career first? What is the reason an adult partner will not help his wife and children?!

Wishing you well, op. Please take care of yourself.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Why don’t you get ahead of this and talk to them first. Initiate a performance conversation; you should not wait for them to do so as then more serious.

You have the leave so take 2 weeks off from next week until jan2. Tell them what’s going with your workload and if you can transfer to someone.

Chiming in to say this is good advice, OP. I really feel you. I have some staff who have been dealing with exactly this same sort of thing this past fall and it's tough on everyone (certainly most of all on them). Acknowledging that things are rough right now and working together with your management to set realistic goals and workplans for a time is a sensible thing to do. I've been doing this with those staff and it's made it easier for them and also their colleagues, because there's a lot less of picking things up at the last minute/having their own work impacted by missed deadlines since we're being proactive. I would not want to lose a good employee for what is recognizably a relatively short-term issue at any time and frankly especially right now when there's already a lot of churn in the workforce.

Sending you big hugs. This winter is TOUGH. It will pass - but for now I agree with others, please try to take a chunk of time off for yourself if you can. You deserve care too!

[Anonymous]

Take a month of FMLA and while you are taking that time, look for a new job that is remote.

[Anonymous]

Yes, you HAVE to have a direct conversation with your boss. And then possibly your boss's boss or HR.

A few people at my workplace are in a similar boat. Sickness is HORRIBLE this year. I'm SURE some people have exceeded their official sick time, but it's not my business to count and I can only assume they've had conversatiosn about needing more time.

Whether that looks like a short FMLA or something else, you'll have to determine. I feel for you, but you have to be direct about your wants and needs.

[Anonymous]

OP, I am a working parent as are many of my colleagues and I promise you that even my childfree colleagues are constantly sick right now. We are all icky. As long as this wasn’t a habitual thing - every single winter - I agree with PPs who are saying just schedule two weeks off now! Tell everyone that your entire family needs to get healthy. As a colleague I would totally totally understand. And it’s a lot easier to cover for someone that you KNOW is going to be out for x days

[Anonymous]

OP, you need to look at it from your employer's perspective.

I've had employees that hit rough patches. I try to be understanding, but at a certain point, it's 1) hard to confirm that their problems are real and 2) you have a job to do that isn't getting done. When there's a productivity interruption due to an acute issue - death of a loved one or some sort of catastrophic issue - I'm happy to give that person time to recover.

But when it's a chronic issue like you're describing, my sympathy runs out eventually. Especially if I know you've got support resources - like being married and have a nanny. You're not the only one with kids, special needs or otherwise. Like another poster said, even if it sounds harsh, get your shit together.

To answer your question, your employer is under no obligation to counsel you before they fire you. At a minimum, you're doing damage to your reputation that will be very hard to repair.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Why can’t your nanny take the kids to the doctor? How sick are they? Where is your DH?

I have 3 kids and they were sick all the time when younger (also this fall has been rough). I only took them to the doctor when it was something unusual - and that usually happened at night and we had to go to urgent care or the ER. We were always told to follow up with our pediatrician but I used my own discretion.

I get being exhausted- no answers for that - it’s very stressful having sick kids who need soothing. And inevitably they don’t sleep well, so I don’t either.

I think you will be fine if the constant sick days don’t continue - that is you won’t get fired and hopefully this will be forgotten- but it won’t be if you don’t find a solution.

Op here, the nanny doesn’t drive and her English is not great so doc appointments are out. She often comes with me to the appointments though, and that is a huge help as I can do emails while we wait and she entertains DD.

One of my kids has SN, including epilepsy (and gets seizures when sick), so I feel we have to follow up with the doctors. I guess our pediatrician does tend to tell us to come in for every little thing and I go along with it.

The problem with my exhaustion is it’s the kind I can’t seem to rally through anymore. I’ll suck it up and push through my own sickness or sleep deprivation, only to spend 3 hours trying to write a simple email, or I’ll be on calls and just can’t remember even the simplest word. I can’t track what’s happened on anything from one day to the next, it’s like every day I’m trying to remember what’s going on with my projects because my memory is just not functional anymore.

I was able to just suck it up and power through on the past but I can’t anymore. I laid down on the floor of my office a few weeks ago at lunch to just close my eyes for 20 minutes and I woke up and it had been 3 hours!

DP. You might not get fired for taking sick leave, but I would 100% fire you for taking a 3 hour nap at work. That’s super inappropriate.