I keep missing work due to illnesses (mine and kids)-will I get fired?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Op here again with a real time problem that illustrates this situation.

I’m scheduled to give an in person training to a group of 20 people on Thursday. This has been in the works for months and the SVP of my group is flying in to do it with me. The VP doesn’t know this subject well at all and I’m the subject matter expert. We already had to reschedule this training once.

The audience is in a group that is mandatory in person and they will not support a remote training.

I currently have a terrible cough. The kind where my whole body is involved and I cannot control the coughing fits, I’m
hacking up green phlegm, and I even pee myself every time I cough. I have a doc appointment this afternoon. I tested negative for covid at home.

The SVP has already given me a hard time in the past for a conference I had to miss due to Illness a few months ago. This VP is older and has no children, so he really doesn’t get it.

I have no idea what to do. I feel like I can’t cancel the training but going forward while hacking up a lung doesn’t feel right either.

So what do I do here?

I had this virus, the hacking cough, the gunk that comes up, and the peeing with each coughing fit. If I had to do the training, I'd get female pads for incontinence, nasal spray to dry up the mucus that slides down the back of my throat and makes me cough, non drowsy cough suppressant, cough drops, and honey for the tickling feeling in the throat. I'm sorry, OP. I get it.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Op here again with a real time problem that illustrates this situation.

I’m scheduled to give an in person training to a group of 20 people on Thursday. This has been in the works for months and the SVP of my group is flying in to do it with me. The VP doesn’t know this subject well at all and I’m the subject matter expert. We already had to reschedule this training once.

The audience is in a group that is mandatory in person and they will not support a remote training.

I currently have a terrible cough. The kind where my whole body is involved and I cannot control the coughing fits, I’m
hacking up green phlegm, and I even pee myself every time I cough. I have a doc appointment this afternoon. I tested negative for covid at home.

The SVP has already given me a hard time in the past for a conference I had to miss due to Illness a few months ago. This VP is older and has no children, so he really doesn’t get it.

I have no idea what to do. I feel like I can’t cancel the training but going forward while hacking up a lung doesn’t feel right either.

So what do I do here?

Are you familiar with...cough medicine?

Op here. Yes. Already taking max dose of multiple OTC cold meds, including cough medicine.

Get a prescription for tessalon perles. They numb your cough reflex. So helpful when you have to work through a cough and don't have an alternative. (I'm one of the PPs who is encouraging you to take leave asap, btw.)

I was going to recommend the tea salon perlee also. Sometimes I have a lingering cough from irritation of my lungs after an infection and it works wonders. (Think next step up is hydrocodone but think it’s a narcotic and makes you a bit sleepy.). But just use perles for a day before and during presentation. Then let your lungs cough out the junk afterwards. Mucinex could help loosen stuff up also!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I assume you are a single parent? Do you have any family who could just come hang for a few weeks and relieve you a bit?

Op here. I’m married but DH has a lot of limitations. We’ve done therapy. It didn’t work. It just kind of is what it is at this point.

I got laid off in a similar spouse, family and run down health situation. Now I have to gear up to solo relocate my whole family and hope for the best.

So yeah, take leave, because it might make a positive difference for you or keep you from the chopping block.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Off-topic, but every woman that has posted that's in a similar situation, go back and read your post - you all sound like single moms. I'm not bashing you by any means. My own husband is not hugely helpful, but I don't think I was ever concerned with losing my job.

I certainly hope you aren't also keeping the homefires burning, and that once you get past this winter/illness you'll have a minute to breathe and figure out whether you want the rest of your life to be in partnership with someone wholly unwilling to step up.

NP. Like coparenting with an asd, adhd, bipolar ex spouse is any better for me or the kids?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:You know, there are quotes and thoughts on this and I’ll try to find them.

If we all think we aren’t doing enough, getting therapy, throwing money at problems, and still behind, the problem is not US. It’s the SYSTEM.

We are caught in an antiquated post industrialist capitalist system that exploits workers. Of course we are not okay.

It took four pages for someone to state the obvious. It is crazy to me that someone would lose their job for taking reasonable, earned, time off. People are not machines. We don’t exist for the sole purpose of sustaining corporations. It is the responsibility of employers to build these kinds of delays into their projects, to hire enough workers to cover leaves and to make contingency plans. Other western countries are civilized enough to consider sick leave a basic human need.

I'm a PP that told the OP she needs to get her shit together.

I'm a big proponent of systemic change and shifts to the (relatively far) left. That's not the issue here. OP isn't sleeping, is missing 40% of her work hours, napping on the floor of her office. All while she has hundreds of hours of leave banked. That's not a system issue - it's a her issue. She needs to step back, assess what's wrong, and take the time to fix it before getting back in the game.

The system is actually working here. She hasn't been fired and she has months worth of leave banked should she choose to use it. She's just failing to make use of the support available to her.

This. OP's issues aren't about capitalism. It's also not about her and her kids being sick too much. It's about her having a mental health breakdown, and needing to figure out how within the system she heals herself.

The system does not allow for people to heal themselves from burn out. Many employers provide time off and a bunch of platitudes about mental health when it’s theoretical, but god forbid you actually use the resources. OP is worried about losing her job because she intuitively understands how things actually work.

In fact the system is so rotten that the President of the US halts a strike to prevent rail workers from obtaining a basic human right, sick days.

She’s burned out because of:
SN kid who doesn’t sleep
She and kids had lots of viruses this season
Delinquent husband in incapable and doesn’t pitch in (is essentially SN as well)
She has a specialist job so can’t hand over work to someone else easily.
She’s good at her job and wants to work!

In this yucky situation I’d take a vacation, upgrade Nannies (assume she will have to run that vetting and training process), and do more self care

Work is probably her one sane area if her life. It’s not her mentally disordered spouse or needy kids or illiterate nanny

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Op here again with a real time problem that illustrates this situation.

I’m scheduled to give an in person training to a group of 20 people on Thursday. This has been in the works for months and the SVP of my group is flying in to do it with me. The VP doesn’t know this subject well at all and I’m the subject matter expert. We already had to reschedule this training once.

The audience is in a group that is mandatory in person and they will not support a remote training.

I currently have a terrible cough. The kind where my whole body is involved and I cannot control the coughing fits, I’m
hacking up green phlegm, and I even pee myself every time I cough. I have a doc appointment this afternoon. I tested negative for covid at home.

The SVP has already given me a hard time in the past for a conference I had to miss due to Illness a few months ago. This VP is older and has no children, so he really doesn’t get it.

I have no idea what to do. I feel like I can’t cancel the training but going forward while hacking up a lung doesn’t feel right either.

So what do I do here?

Just go! You’re not going to be able to stay home everytime you have a cough.

Agree.

You give yourself a big pep talk, go to bed early and do it. And be damn proud of yourself because you’re awesome.

[Anonymous]

I would ask your Dr to state in the note that you need x days off work and to avoid contact with other people. Call the svp, you probably sound wretched, and explain a) you are physically unable and b) contagious and don't want to get everyone else sick. Offer to do q and a for the training from home via conference call.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:You need a nanny that can take the kids to the doctor. Full stop.

Yes, one or two days a week for six weeks is insane and it looks really really bad, even if you otherwise haven’t taken time off since June.

Do people really have hired help that can do this? At pediatricians, you have to sign a document saying you are the parent or legal guardian and have authorization to approve medical evaluation and possibly prescribe treatment. They also need someone who can sign for insurance information. How do you get the nanny to sign to authorize medical treatment and provide insurance information and signature? It doesn't sound legal to have a non-guardian do this unless you have legal guardian paperwork for the nanny?

No.

Doctors and therapists do not want to see a nanny unless it’s a sports or wellness check. Even for speech therapy they’d rather talk two mins to the parent than type something up later.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP...not getting consistent and regular sleep is draining your own personal resources. You can only push your body so far before it starts to break down and that is what it sounds like it happening to you. I would recommend at a minimum that you take a week off and you spend the daytime hours while the nanny is working and caring for the kids to rest and nap and recharge your personal battery. You will find that once you get some real rest that your own resilience will be better. You'll stop catching every cold that walks by you or that your kids catch. You'll be able to start a day without feeling completely drained before you've started. You won't collapse in a nap in the middle of your work day and so on. You have been burning the candle at both ends and in the middle for so long, that there is no spare energy available. So you need time off and you need time off when someone else (e.g. nanny) is caring for the kids. If you have to take the kids to the doctor, during your week off, take them to the pediatric urgent care whenever you are awake. Do not change your sleep schedule around it. Unless the kids have a fever, they can go a few hours while you sleep and you can take them to urgent care when you are awake. As my doctor always tells me, you have to remember to take care of yourself so that you are healthy enough to take care of your family. You pushing yourself to the point of sickness will not help your family out and usually will take you longer to recover than if you did preemptive self-care.

Go on Priceline and get a hotel for 3 nights. Get out of the house and kids and husband and nanny.

[Anonymous]

Yes take a week off work and do a trial reset. Do the training first. But honestly op the more you respond, the more you just sound like a big drama queen. Your dh apparently can’t do anything. Your nanny can’t do anything. You couldn’t possibly send your dd for a sick/cold child visit to the doctor with a nanny because your dds SN are too nuanced (I’m the parent of a SN kid). You can’t sleep through the night. You need 1-2 full days off work per week to deal with your illness and sick child visits. You’re already so pumped full of cough medicine that you can’t imagine getting to Thursday.

I agree, things sounds f-ink dreadful right now. But either you address this now as the mental health crisis that it is. Or if you don’t think it’s a mental health crisis, you are just over the top. I think it’s a mental health crisis (which means the drama about Nannie’s and phlegm and useless DH are somewhat Bs - so you get healthy and get a new perspective on all those outside factors).

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:You need a nanny that can take the kids to the doctor. Full stop.

Yes, one or two days a week for six weeks is insane and it looks really really bad, even if you otherwise haven’t taken time off since June.

Do people really have hired help that can do this? At pediatricians, you have to sign a document saying you are the parent or legal guardian and have authorization to approve medical evaluation and possibly prescribe treatment. They also need someone who can sign for insurance information. How do you get the nanny to sign to authorize medical treatment and provide insurance information and signature? It doesn't sound legal to have a non-guardian do this unless you have legal guardian paperwork for the nanny?

Medical power of attorney.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Off-topic, but every woman that has posted that's in a similar situation, go back and read your post - you all sound like single moms. I'm not bashing you by any means. My own husband is not hugely helpful, but I don't think I was ever concerned with losing my job.

I certainly hope you aren't also keeping the homefires burning, and that once you get past this winter/illness you'll have a minute to breathe and figure out whether you want the rest of your life to be in partnership with someone wholly unwilling to step up.

NP. Like coparenting with an asd, adhd, bipolar ex spouse is any better for me or the kids?

I don't know, but there is life beyond parenting.

OP, I think you should make it through the presentation, then pack a bag and go to a hotel and use the weekend to recuperate. Maybe if you do something desperate your husband will start to get the picture.

[Anonymous]

If he’s neurotypical natural consequences work and he’ll get the picture. And vice versa, and he will never get the picture.

[Anonymous]

1. Do the training, wear a mask, stay physically away from people

2. Explain your situation to your boss, assure them that you love the job but need a reset

3. SLEEP. And maybe find a nanny who can drive and speak English. Yes, they are expensive but it’s either that, quit your job, or go insane. If you find an intelligent, articulate nanny you will have no hesitation about sending her to routine sick visits. My pediatrician allows designating an alternate caregiver and I imagine most others do as well

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:1. Do the training, wear a mask, stay physically away from people

2. Explain your situation to your boss, assure them that you love the job but need a reset

3. SLEEP. And maybe find a nanny who can drive and speak English. Yes, they are expensive but it’s either that, quit your job, or go insane. If you find an intelligent, articulate nanny you will have no hesitation about sending her to routine sick visits. My pediatrician allows designating an alternate caregiver and I imagine most others do as well

On #2, forgot to mention take a leave of absence for 2 months