For fun: Let's be the worst Thanksgiving ever

[Anonymous]

I am my MIL's low-cholesterol mashed potatoes. Recipe: Mash potatoes with hot water.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I'm your mother-in-law, here to criticize your home, cooking, children's wardrobe, and possible weight gain. I'm just trying to help, really.

I’m your *mother*, doing the same as the MIL. Except that I’m much better at it than MIL, because I know you much better, so I can get my zingers just right for maximum put down effect.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I am my MIL's low-cholesterol mashed potatoes. Recipe: Mash potatoes with hot water.

oh no. I love mashed potatoes. Sacrilege.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I'm your mother-in-law, here to criticize your home, cooking, children's wardrobe, and possible weight gain. I'm just trying to help, really.

I’m your *mother*, doing the same as the MIL. Except that I’m much better at it than MIL, because I know you much better, so I can get my zingers just right for maximum put down effect.

+1 my MIL is a little annoying but not critical. My parents on the other hand …

[Anonymous]

I’m your father’s tv cabinet from the early 80’s. I have two very important jobs to do. I am empty now but I love holding his flatscreen tv on top. It is delightfully tacky. But wait, my most important purpose is to rattle incessantly when the sound bar volume is level 65! I do a great job and am very proud of myself.

I am your ears. We are bleeding right now and our hearing quality in the future is not looking so great.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I’m your father’s tv cabinet from the early 80’s. I have two very important jobs to do. I am empty now but I love holding his flatscreen tv on top. It is delightfully tacky. But wait, my most important purpose is to rattle incessantly when the sound bar volume is level 65! I do a great job and am very proud of myself.

I am your ears. We are bleeding right now and our hearing quality in the future is not looking so great.

By the way, I’m not bolted to the wall. I’m inviting you toddler to climb me later on.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I remember when I was younger….like in my 20’s.
I was working at Denny’s on Thanksgiving. There was an older man, maybe sixty or so who was seated up at the counter alone.
He was just drinking a cup of coffee while reading the newspaper.

He looked so alone & sad.
It broke my heart.
He just sat at the counter for hours w/his coffee, browsing the newspaper.
Then after awhile he got up, paid for his coffee then walked out.

This was about three decades ago but it made me think that being alone on Thanksgiving must be one of the roughest situations to ever find oneself in…..

it’s really not. It’s glorious. For all you know he has 20 relatives overtaking his house and went to Denny’s to escape. The fact he ordered coffee and no food leads me to think that’s the r more likely scenario.

[Anonymous]

I’m the K95 mask that everyone is looking side-eyed at. It’s okay. I know lots of people hate me or are unloading their personal insecurities on me. I’m used to it. I’m here because I have the hots for covid, rsv and flu. I’m looking forward to a big three way where they slather their moist selves all over me. That’s my idea of holiday fun. Haters gonna hate.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I remember when I was younger….like in my 20’s.
I was working at Denny’s on Thanksgiving. There was an older man, maybe sixty or so who was seated up at the counter alone.
He was just drinking a cup of coffee while reading the newspaper.

He looked so alone & sad.
It broke my heart.
He just sat at the counter for hours w/his coffee, browsing the newspaper.
Then after awhile he got up, paid for his coffee then walked out.

This was about three decades ago but it made me think that being alone on Thanksgiving must be one of the roughest situations to ever find oneself in…..

it’s really not. It’s glorious. For all you know he has 20 relatives overtaking his house and went to Denny’s to escape. The fact he ordered coffee and no food leads me to think that’s the r more likely scenario.

This sounds like my dad. My mom used to send him to Denny's on TG to take a break, read newspaper and drink some coffee. It gave him a break and it gave my mom and us a chance to get everything ready at home. Dad's nerves got jangled with all the chaos of TG and mom figured out that he needs a nice break. He used to come back chilled and mellow. He really liked to read his newspaper in peace and that did not happen when all the relative descended at our house. Dad was very comfortable in that particular Denny's because it was close to home and he and mom came there frequently to eat. All the staff knew him.

[Anonymous]

I am the couch you are sleeping on, as the 30-something, unmarried, childless aunt, since your brother, his wife, and his loud, unruly children have taken over the multiple bedrooms in your parents’ house.

I am the loud, unruly children, with parents who sleep in and then don’t feed us, and instead rely on grandma and the unmarried aunt to do all the child-related stuff all weekend.

I am the hotel reservations made by the 30-something, unmarried, childless aunt, for the next “holiday at home”.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I am the couch you are sleeping on, as the 30-something, unmarried, childless aunt, since your brother, his wife, and his loud, unruly children have taken over the multiple bedrooms in your parents’ house.

I am the loud, unruly children, with parents who sleep in and then don’t feed us, and instead rely on grandma and the unmarried aunt to do all the child-related stuff all weekend.

I am the hotel reservations made by the 30-something, unmarried, childless aunt, for the next “holiday at home”.

Thank goodness you got to the hotel conclusion.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I am the couch you are sleeping on, as the 30-something, unmarried, childless aunt, since your brother, his wife, and his loud, unruly children have taken over the multiple bedrooms in your parents’ house.

I am the loud, unruly children, with parents who sleep in and then don’t feed us, and instead rely on grandma and the unmarried aunt to do all the child-related stuff all weekend.

I am the hotel reservations made by the 30-something, unmarried, childless aunt, for the next “holiday at home”.

Years pass….

We are the rooms, one with a single twin and a few air mattresses, the other with a full, that brother, wife, and now-elementary aged kids have been delegated to, because the “nice” room with the queen and the en suite has been given to the late-30-something, married aunt who is home visiting her parents with the grand-baby they didn’t expect and are over the moon about. We are friends with the single hall bathroom the five of them have to share.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I'm a pristine kitchen. Out with you philistines. You just ate 7 hours ago and shall not pass my immaculate threshold. There's a gas station down the street. I'm sure they have pop tarts and hot fries and other things peasants like you can eat.

I’ll be on the back porch with a pear and sniffer if Brandy.

[Anonymous]

I am my DH, who cares little for being on time. Even though his wife told him to be ready an hour earlier than needed (buffer!) to leave the house for a long drive today, I still managed to not set my alarm, made time to eat a leisurely breakfast, shower for ages, and be completely oblivious to the wife and child who have to pack the food and load up the car with suitcases for the overnight trip. My promise of “10 minutes more” turns into 35 but that doesn’t bother me in the least. Good thing I’m an overall decent human being or I’d be divorced and alone.

[Anonymous]

I am my brother ADHD who invited everyone over for thanksgiving snd then sat around watching YouTube videos all morning and only started prepping food at the last possible second. I made dinner an hour and a half late and waited so long on the pies they weren't done and cooled in time for anyone to have some.