Why do some middle aged women ghost each other?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

I don’t want to hurt her by bluntly explaining why being a pleasant acquaintance is the most that I feel up for.

NP here. PP, I would say something like, "I don't feel I'm someone who can help you." "I don't feel I can help." Something like that. You can keep it vague and not be drawn into explaining. No explanation necessary. Say it again or 3 times if you need to.

I've had people say to me, "I'm pretty busy with the friends I have and don't really have extra time." Another instance, when I tried to help someone who was going through a medical crisis, she did not want my help and said, "I am keeping my circle small." That made sense. Those words assured me that she was ok and had the people she needed. I had just wanted to make sure she felt supported. It didn't have to be me.

A pet peeve of mine is when people decline with, "I'm so overwhelmed ... or I'm not feeling well ..." something that evokes sympathy. That's gutless and not nice, actually. That enlists sympathy. The response of many reasonable people would be to try to help, somehow, to lighten the load of the friend or work to cheer up the friend/acquaintance.

It's OP again.
The examples of responses you mentioned are all acceptable. I prefer to receive a response than nothing at all. Radio silence is rude, hurtful and childish.

Of course it is possible that my friend is too busy to get together, that she has too many obligations and not enough time with hobbies and work and that she really doesn't have any spare time to fit in social interactions with me.

But it could also be ME, in which case I'd like to know.
I may talk too much, or too little.
I may talk too much about one thing, and not enough about another.
I may have annoying habits I'm not aware of.
She may think I'm boring.
We may have no common interests.
Wouldn't you want to find out if it's YOU?

It's like applying for a job. If I apply for a job and I get rejected after having gone for an interview, I'd like to get feedback after the interview.
How else are you meant to make progress ...?

No, who wants to find out it's them! We all have to go through the world thinking we're a little smarter, prettier, and more charming than we actually are just to get through this cruel world. Who wants to hear someone you don't even really know very well telling you that actually your personality stinks and they won't get together with you because of it?! What the heck are you even supposed to do with that info - go and get a new personality?!

You have a spouse who loves you. That alone tells you you are not intolerable to be around. You don't need to change who you are - probably - but just need to find the person who you click with and who also has the bandwidth for you.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

I don’t want to hurt her by bluntly explaining why being a pleasant acquaintance is the most that I feel up for.

NP here. PP, I would say something like, "I don't feel I'm someone who can help you." "I don't feel I can help." Something like that. You can keep it vague and not be drawn into explaining. No explanation necessary. Say it again or 3 times if you need to.

I've had people say to me, "I'm pretty busy with the friends I have and don't really have extra time." Another instance, when I tried to help someone who was going through a medical crisis, she did not want my help and said, "I am keeping my circle small." That made sense. Those words assured me that she was ok and had the people she needed. I had just wanted to make sure she felt supported. It didn't have to be me.

A pet peeve of mine is when people decline with, "I'm so overwhelmed ... or I'm not feeling well ..." something that evokes sympathy. That's gutless and not nice, actually. That enlists sympathy. The response of many reasonable people would be to try to help, somehow, to lighten the load of the friend or work to cheer up the friend/acquaintance.

It's OP again.
The examples of responses you mentioned are all acceptable. I prefer to receive a response than nothing at all. Radio silence is rude, hurtful and childish.

Of course it is possible that my friend is too busy to get together, that she has too many obligations and not enough time with hobbies and work and that she really doesn't have any spare time to fit in social interactions with me.

But it could also be ME, in which case I'd like to know.
I may talk too much, or too little.
I may talk too much about one thing, and not enough about another.
I may have annoying habits I'm not aware of.
She may think I'm boring.
We may have no common interests.
Wouldn't you want to find out if it's YOU?

It's like applying for a job. If I apply for a job and I get rejected after having gone for an interview, I'd like to get feedback after the interview.
How else are you meant to make progress ...?

I think the feedback you got right here is enough. You are too obsessed. People can probably sense your desperation and anger. relax. Stop trying to rush closeness ands enjoy the PROCESS rather than insisting you must have best friends. Do lots of things to connect. Appreciate whatever someone brings to the table whether it's a laugh, some great advice. or just interesting conversation. Understand that relationships eb and flow. If someone doesn't respond to you, let that be enough. Nobody needs to tell you that you are too pushy or you interrupt too much, or you seem great, but just not someone I want to be closer with because of whatever. Maybe they don't know why, but they just get a vibe it isn't right. Maybe they do know why and they don't want to deal with your wrath, or hurt look or whatever if they tell you. Most people won't tell you. Unless you are really close, nobody owes you a reason. You may think that is rude and they may think it's rude you feel entitled to a brief feedback session. Most likely the person is too busy with middle age stressors to sit and think of what she doesn't want to hang out or she doesn't have time. Move on. If it keeps happening, keep moving on and again enjoying the good parts.

This is OP.
Thank you for your feedback.

A lot of what you wrote makes sense, however I would like to comment on the following: you wrote 'stop trying to rush closeness...'
I don't think I'm trying to rush things. We moved to this town 17 years ago. If close friendships don't materialize in 17 years, then when do they?

I'm 54 and I feel like the clock is ticking.

DH and I have a lot of surface level friends and casual acquaintances here but no close friends.
It's usually the same scenario: we meet people, we get to know each other a bit, and then ... nothing. They stay surface level. Or they go back to their old friends group.
I'm always the initiator. It's rare that someone reaches out spontaneously. My husband is in the same situation, but he cares less about friends than I do.

I still think it has something to do with small town versus big city. We never found socializing problematic in a large city. It was so easy to call a few people and organize a night out.

Not sure what to tell you. You have each other - maybe that will be enough. I don't always have the energy to maintain close friendships, plus stay close to my adult kids and other family, plus of course work full time. I have plenty of friends but not someone who I talk to every day or even every month.

Not sure if it's small town/big city thing. We live in both and actually have closer friendships with people in the small town than the big city. Our neighborhood there is very friendly and social. Our neighborhood in the DMV is not at all. But it certainly might be a dynamic in your particular town.

A lot of my closest friends are from high school and college and early days of work. Some from when my kids were in school. That's where you have common connections. Do you have people like that you can turn to?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:
How about this as a decline? "I'm pretty busy with the obligations I have and don't really have extra time."

Because you sound like a self-important jerk.

Oh yeah, just ignore (sarcasm)
You're the jerk

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

I don’t want to hurt her by bluntly explaining why being a pleasant acquaintance is the most that I feel up for.

NP here. PP, I would say something like, "I don't feel I'm someone who can help you." "I don't feel I can help." Something like that. You can keep it vague and not be drawn into explaining. No explanation necessary. Say it again or 3 times if you need to.

I've had people say to me, "I'm pretty busy with the friends I have and don't really have extra time." Another instance, when I tried to help someone who was going through a medical crisis, she did not want my help and said, "I am keeping my circle small." That made sense. Those words assured me that she was ok and had the people she needed. I had just wanted to make sure she felt supported. It didn't have to be me.

A pet peeve of mine is when people decline with, "I'm so overwhelmed ... or I'm not feeling well ..." something that evokes sympathy. That's gutless and not nice, actually. That enlists sympathy. The response of many reasonable people would be to try to help, somehow, to lighten the load of the friend or work to cheer up the friend/acquaintance.

It's OP again.
The examples of responses you mentioned are all acceptable. I prefer to receive a response than nothing at all. Radio silence is rude, hurtful and childish.

Of course it is possible that my friend is too busy to get together, that she has too many obligations and not enough time with hobbies and work and that she really doesn't have any spare time to fit in social interactions with me.

But it could also be ME, in which case I'd like to know.
I may talk too much, or too little.
I may talk too much about one thing, and not enough about another.
I may have annoying habits I'm not aware of.
She may think I'm boring.
We may have no common interests.
Wouldn't you want to find out if it's YOU?

It's like applying for a job. If I apply for a job and I get rejected after having gone for an interview, I'd like to get feedback after the interview.
How else are you meant to make progress ...?

I think the feedback you got right here is enough. You are too obsessed. People can probably sense your desperation and anger. relax. Stop trying to rush closeness ands enjoy the PROCESS rather than insisting you must have best friends. Do lots of things to connect. Appreciate whatever someone brings to the table whether it's a laugh, some great advice. or just interesting conversation. Understand that relationships eb and flow. If someone doesn't respond to you, let that be enough. Nobody needs to tell you that you are too pushy or you interrupt too much, or you seem great, but just not someone I want to be closer with because of whatever. Maybe they don't know why, but they just get a vibe it isn't right. Maybe they do know why and they don't want to deal with your wrath, or hurt look or whatever if they tell you. Most people won't tell you. Unless you are really close, nobody owes you a reason. You may think that is rude and they may think it's rude you feel entitled to a brief feedback session. Most likely the person is too busy with middle age stressors to sit and think of what she doesn't want to hang out or she doesn't have time. Move on. If it keeps happening, keep moving on and again enjoying the good parts.

This is OP.
Thank you for your feedback.

A lot of what you wrote makes sense, however I would like to comment on the following: you wrote 'stop trying to rush closeness...'
I don't think I'm trying to rush things. We moved to this town 17 years ago. If close friendships don't materialize in 17 years, then when do they?

I'm 54 and I feel like the clock is ticking.

DH and I have a lot of surface level friends and casual acquaintances here but no close friends.
It's usually the same scenario: we meet people, we get to know each other a bit, and then ... nothing. They stay surface level. Or they go back to their old friends group.
I'm always the initiator. It's rare that someone reaches out spontaneously. My husband is in the same situation, but he cares less about friends than I do.

I still think it has something to do with small town versus big city. We never found socializing problematic in a large city. It was so easy to call a few people and organize a night out.

At this point I think you should absolutely give up on close friendships in your town. Instead spend your energy on other things. I’ve experienced something similar and spend my time hiking and skiing. Plan to buy a condo in a nearby city in the next few years.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

I don’t want to hurt her by bluntly explaining why being a pleasant acquaintance is the most that I feel up for.

NP here. PP, I would say something like, "I don't feel I'm someone who can help you." "I don't feel I can help." Something like that. You can keep it vague and not be drawn into explaining. No explanation necessary. Say it again or 3 times if you need to.

I've had people say to me, "I'm pretty busy with the friends I have and don't really have extra time." Another instance, when I tried to help someone who was going through a medical crisis, she did not want my help and said, "I am keeping my circle small." That made sense. Those words assured me that she was ok and had the people she needed. I had just wanted to make sure she felt supported. It didn't have to be me.

A pet peeve of mine is when people decline with, "I'm so overwhelmed ... or I'm not feeling well ..." something that evokes sympathy. That's gutless and not nice, actually. That enlists sympathy. The response of many reasonable people would be to try to help, somehow, to lighten the load of the friend or work to cheer up the friend/acquaintance.

It's OP again.
The examples of responses you mentioned are all acceptable. I prefer to receive a response than nothing at all. Radio silence is rude, hurtful and childish.

Of course it is possible that my friend is too busy to get together, that she has too many obligations and not enough time with hobbies and work and that she really doesn't have any spare time to fit in social interactions with me.

But it could also be ME, in which case I'd like to know.
I may talk too much, or too little.
I may talk too much about one thing, and not enough about another.
I may have annoying habits I'm not aware of.
She may think I'm boring.
We may have no common interests.
Wouldn't you want to find out if it's YOU?

It's like applying for a job. If I apply for a job and I get rejected after having gone for an interview, I'd like to get feedback after the interview.
How else are you meant to make progress ...?

What does it matter? Are you really going to change who you are so that someone will be your friend? At your age? At *any* age?

OP again.
If someone were honest and objective enough to point out out characteristics that they found annoying or a barrier to become close friends I think I would appreciate their honesty.

I wouldn't get mad at them if they said I talk too much, or too fast, or I don't let them speak enough, or I talk too much about topics that they're not interested in, and so on. Or I may have annoying mannerisms or body language. There could be a million reasons. It still wouldn't anger me.

I admit that I talk too much sometimes (I always find things to talk about), but I also let the other person speak a lot so it balances out.

My hobbies and interests are not always aligned with those of some women I know, which may be a reason. I'm into museums, art galleries and modern architecture, they like singing in the local choir, for instance. But I'm sure there are a lot of other things we could talk about, or do together.

[Anonymous]

It could be the culture and mentality of a small town. In big cities, there’s high turnover and people come and go so may be more open to meeting new people. Small towns have little turnover and everybody knows everybody from the time they’re born, so less open to new people.

Are there volunteer activities or organizations that you can participate in? It can be a more organic way to slide in to get to know people.

[Anonymous]

I know I'm stereotyping OP but your hobbies/interests sound like those that people would be more likely to have in a bigger city. Plus the fact that you don't have kids-there would be a greater number of people without kids in a larger metropolitan area. Are you and your DH committed to staying in your small town? If you're flexible, I would think about moving. In a larger metropolitan area there would be more Meet Up groups or other organizations you could join where you could find people you are more likely to have things in common with.

I also don't have kids and I think unfortunately for women in particular it can make establishing new adult friendships more challenging (particularly in your 30's, 40's and early to mid 50's).

I can totally understand why you want honesty from the women who haven't responded to your texts. But on the other hand, how awkward and uncomfortable would it be to continue to see them if they told you that the reason was because of a characteristic they found annoying? On the one hand, if it was something I could "fix" I would want to know but on the other hand it might make me super self-conscious and anxious. And sometimes the reason isn't because of a characteristic that's annoying-it's because of where you are in life or just not completely clicking with someone for whatever reason. I've been on both sides of this situation. There was a woman I used to work with in my 20's who I really liked and looked up to (she was about 10 years older than me)-I tried to establish a friendship outside of work with her and it didn't happen. We were "work buddies"-she wasn't interested in anything beyond that and once she left the company I never heard from her again. On the other hand, I'm currently casual friends with a woman who initially seemed to want to have a closer friendship with me. I enjoyed (and still enjoy) seeing her occasionally but I find her intimidating at times and she has very different political beliefs than I do. While I like her, I always feel a little on edge. There's nothing that she's doing wrong and nothing that needs to be "fixed"-we're just really different.

[Anonymous]

Because being a middle aged middle class or lower woman is exhausting. Physically. Mentally. My parents are in those years when they are declining but resisting making appropriate changes in housing and independence. At the same time, I have actual teens that still need parenting. I don’t have time for socializing with other adults who drain me.

[Anonymous]

museums, art galleries and modern architecture

You find (and not sure where) trips to go on. You go away for 1 weekend a month. You travel to where you have people who like you. Stay in a hotel. You visit loved ones in other cities.
You make getting out, elsewhere, a priority.

Btw, people with children would respond if you focused tons of your attention on their children. As long as it's not creepy. There was a woman 20 years older than I was, trying to become friends. She was childless. It took a couple years of her very consistent interest in my kid's lives -- I started to see her was an older sister type or an aunt to my children. I enjoyed her friendship and once we really did become friends our talk was usually about other things. But initially, and I'm afraid it was years, the talk had to be about my kids. That's when she started getting included in my life.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:How about this as a decline? "I'm pretty busy with the obligations I have and don't really have extra time."

I'm OP.
I think this way of declining is acceptable. I wouldn't be upset if someone wrote or said this to me. I'd probably be a bit disappointed but I'd understand.

But a lot of people WOULD be upset and she doesn't know which one you are so no response is the response you get. I don't any of this (why would I confront someone about not responding to an invite?!) but I make friends pretty easily so someone not responding would just not matter to me.

I have a long-time friend, though, who struggles to make friends and connections and I know at least part of it is she comes across as needy and clingy and desperate and just requiring too much energy. It is offputting. Our friendship happened organically because we worked together and had to do projects and stuff and ended up having a lot in common, but she has a very specific hobby and hasn't managed to make good friends among that set despite trying really hard to do so and I know it is because of how she comes across. I have talked to her about this and she hasn't "heard" me so I did what I could do. Perhaps you might reflect on how you come across to people.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

I don’t want to hurt her by bluntly explaining why being a pleasant acquaintance is the most that I feel up for.

NP here. PP, I would say something like, "I don't feel I'm someone who can help you." "I don't feel I can help." Something like that. You can keep it vague and not be drawn into explaining. No explanation necessary. Say it again or 3 times if you need to.

I've had people say to me, "I'm pretty busy with the friends I have and don't really have extra time." Another instance, when I tried to help someone who was going through a medical crisis, she did not want my help and said, "I am keeping my circle small." That made sense. Those words assured me that she was ok and had the people she needed. I had just wanted to make sure she felt supported. It didn't have to be me.

A pet peeve of mine is when people decline with, "I'm so overwhelmed ... or I'm not feeling well ..." something that evokes sympathy. That's gutless and not nice, actually. That enlists sympathy. The response of many reasonable people would be to try to help, somehow, to lighten the load of the friend or work to cheer up the friend/acquaintance.

It's OP again.
The examples of responses you mentioned are all acceptable. I prefer to receive a response than nothing at all. Radio silence is rude, hurtful and childish.

Of course it is possible that my friend is too busy to get together, that she has too many obligations and not enough time with hobbies and work and that she really doesn't have any spare time to fit in social interactions with me.

But it could also be ME, in which case I'd like to know.
I may talk too much, or too little.
I may talk too much about one thing, and not enough about another.
I may have annoying habits I'm not aware of.
She may think I'm boring.
We may have no common interests.
Wouldn't you want to find out if it's YOU?

It's like applying for a job. If I apply for a job and I get rejected after having gone for an interview, I'd like to get feedback after the interview.
How else are you meant to make progress ...?

What does it matter? Are you really going to change who you are so that someone will be your friend? At your age? At *any* age?

OP again.
If someone were honest and objective enough to point out out characteristics that they found annoying or a barrier to become close friends I think I would appreciate their honesty.

I wouldn't get mad at them if they said I talk too much, or too fast, or I don't let them speak enough, or I talk too much about topics that they're not interested in, and so on. Or I may have annoying mannerisms or body language. There could be a million reasons. It still wouldn't anger me.

I admit that I talk too much sometimes (I always find things to talk about), but I also let the other person speak a lot so it balances out.

My hobbies and interests are not always aligned with those of some women I know, which may be a reason. I'm into museums, art galleries and modern architecture, they like singing in the local choir, for instance. But I'm sure there are a lot of other things we could talk about, or do together.

These are questions that you ask your therapist, not people that you’re trying to get to know

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

I don’t want to hurt her by bluntly explaining why being a pleasant acquaintance is the most that I feel up for.

NP here. PP, I would say something like, "I don't feel I'm someone who can help you." "I don't feel I can help." Something like that. You can keep it vague and not be drawn into explaining. No explanation necessary. Say it again or 3 times if you need to.

I've had people say to me, "I'm pretty busy with the friends I have and don't really have extra time." Another instance, when I tried to help someone who was going through a medical crisis, she did not want my help and said, "I am keeping my circle small." That made sense. Those words assured me that she was ok and had the people she needed. I had just wanted to make sure she felt supported. It didn't have to be me.

A pet peeve of mine is when people decline with, "I'm so overwhelmed ... or I'm not feeling well ..." something that evokes sympathy. That's gutless and not nice, actually. That enlists sympathy. The response of many reasonable people would be to try to help, somehow, to lighten the load of the friend or work to cheer up the friend/acquaintance.

It's OP again.
The examples of responses you mentioned are all acceptable. I prefer to receive a response than nothing at all. Radio silence is rude, hurtful and childish.

Of course it is possible that my friend is too busy to get together, that she has too many obligations and not enough time with hobbies and work and that she really doesn't have any spare time to fit in social interactions with me.

But it could also be ME, in which case I'd like to know.
I may talk too much, or too little.
I may talk too much about one thing, and not enough about another.
I may have annoying habits I'm not aware of.
She may think I'm boring.
We may have no common interests.
Wouldn't you want to find out if it's YOU?

It's like applying for a job. If I apply for a job and I get rejected after having gone for an interview, I'd like to get feedback after the interview.
How else are you meant to make progress ...?

What does it matter? Are you really going to change who you are so that someone will be your friend? At your age? At *any* age?

OP again.
If someone were honest and objective enough to point out out characteristics that they found annoying or a barrier to become close friends I think I would appreciate their honesty.

I wouldn't get mad at them if they said I talk too much, or too fast, or I don't let them speak enough, or I talk too much about topics that they're not interested in, and so on. Or I may have annoying mannerisms or body language. There could be a million reasons. It still wouldn't anger me.

I admit that I talk too much sometimes (I always find things to talk about), but I also let the other person speak a lot so it balances out.

My hobbies and interests are not always aligned with those of some women I know, which may be a reason. I'm into museums, art galleries and modern architecture, they like singing in the local choir, for instance. But I'm sure there are a lot of other things we could talk about, or do together.

I would try to make friends through your interests. Go out for coffee or a walk with someone from your choir, join tour groups of museums and art galleries for example. Are there any bus tours to see Christmas lights this year? My neighbor joined a red hat group and made friends that way. Maybe church? I made unexpected friends at the dog park just from having things in common. At the time, I was busy with a sick grandma and teens. My puppy needed to get out and it was easy to chat while at the park. I wasn't meeting up with friends for coffee, I'm not good at just sitting to chat.

Try to let friendship just happen with acquaintances that have things in common.

[Anonymous]

Sorry just realized you said they like singing in choir, but anyway, find people to go to museums and galleries with even if you need to travel.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

I don’t want to hurt her by bluntly explaining why being a pleasant acquaintance is the most that I feel up for.

NP here. PP, I would say something like, "I don't feel I'm someone who can help you." "I don't feel I can help." Something like that. You can keep it vague and not be drawn into explaining. No explanation necessary. Say it again or 3 times if you need to.

I've had people say to me, "I'm pretty busy with the friends I have and don't really have extra time." Another instance, when I tried to help someone who was going through a medical crisis, she did not want my help and said, "I am keeping my circle small." That made sense. Those words assured me that she was ok and had the people she needed. I had just wanted to make sure she felt supported. It didn't have to be me.

A pet peeve of mine is when people decline with, "I'm so overwhelmed ... or I'm not feeling well ..." something that evokes sympathy. That's gutless and not nice, actually. That enlists sympathy. The response of many reasonable people would be to try to help, somehow, to lighten the load of the friend or work to cheer up the friend/acquaintance.

It's OP again.
The examples of responses you mentioned are all acceptable. I prefer to receive a response than nothing at all. Radio silence is rude, hurtful and childish.

Of course it is possible that my friend is too busy to get together, that she has too many obligations and not enough time with hobbies and work and that she really doesn't have any spare time to fit in social interactions with me.

But it could also be ME, in which case I'd like to know.
I may talk too much, or too little.
I may talk too much about one thing, and not enough about another.
I may have annoying habits I'm not aware of.
She may think I'm boring.
We may have no common interests.
Wouldn't you want to find out if it's YOU?

It's like applying for a job. If I apply for a job and I get rejected after having gone for an interview, I'd like to get feedback after the interview.
How else are you meant to make progress ...?

What does it matter? Are you really going to change who you are so that someone will be your friend? At your age? At *any* age?

OP again.
If someone were honest and objective enough to point out out characteristics that they found annoying or a barrier to become close friends I think I would appreciate their honesty.

I wouldn't get mad at them if they said I talk too much, or too fast, or I don't let them speak enough, or I talk too much about topics that they're not interested in, and so on. Or I may have annoying mannerisms or body language. There could be a million reasons. It still wouldn't anger me.

I admit that I talk too much sometimes (I always find things to talk about), but I also let the other person speak a lot so it balances out.

My hobbies and interests are not always aligned with those of some women I know, which may be a reason. I'm into museums, art galleries and modern architecture, they like singing in the local choir, for instance. But I'm sure there are a lot of other things we could talk about, or do together.

I would try to make friends through your interests. Go out for coffee or a walk with someone from your choir, join tour groups of museums and art galleries for example. Are there any bus tours to see Christmas lights this year? My neighbor joined a red hat group and made friends that way. Maybe church? I made unexpected friends at the dog park just from having things in common. At the time, I was busy with a sick grandma and teens. My puppy needed to get out and it was easy to chat while at the park. I wasn't meeting up with friends for coffee, I'm not good at just sitting to chat.

Try to let friendship just happen with acquaintances that have things in common.

This is OP again.
Thank you for the suggestions. I already do some of the things you suggested. I visit museums, art galleries and exhibitions in larger towns and cities. I usually go on my own and that's OK.
I also enjoy cycling and hiking a lot and, again, I go on my own if no one else is interested in joining me.
I like music festivals and going to concerts ...

I'm actually interested in a lot of different things but maybe the people we know have either less free time or fewer hobbies and interests.