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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote]I don’t want to hurt her by bluntly explaining why being a pleasant acquaintance is the most that I feel up for. [/quote]

NP here. PP, I would say something like, "I don't feel I'm someone who can help you." "I don't feel I can help." Something like that. You can keep it vague and not be drawn into explaining. No explanation necessary. Say it again or 3 times if you need to.

I've had people say to me, "I'm pretty busy with the friends I have and don't really have extra time." Another instance, when I tried to help someone who was going through a medical crisis, she did not want my help and said, "I am keeping my circle small." That made sense. Those words assured me that she was ok and had the people she needed. I had  just wanted to make sure she felt supported. It didn't have to be me.

A pet peeve of mine is when people decline with, "I'm so overwhelmed ... or I'm not feeling well ..." something that evokes sympathy. That's gutless and not nice, actually. That enlists sympathy. The response of many reasonable people would be to try to help, somehow, to lighten the load of the friend or work to cheer up the friend/acquaintance.[/quote]

It's OP again.
The examples of responses you mentioned are all acceptable. I prefer to receive a response than nothing at all. Radio silence is rude, hurtful and childish.

Of course it is possible that my friend is too busy to get together, that she has too many obligations and not enough time with hobbies and work and that she really doesn't have any spare time to fit in social interactions with me.

But it could also be ME, in which case I'd like to know.
I may talk too much, or too little.
I may talk too much about one thing, and not enough about another.
I may have annoying habits I'm not aware of.
She may think I'm boring.
We may have no common interests.
Wouldn't you want to find out if it's YOU?

It's like applying for a job. If I apply for a job and I get rejected after having gone for an interview, I'd like to get feedback after the interview. 
How else are you meant to make progress ...?[/quote]

No, who wants to find out it's them! We all have to go through the world thinking we're a little smarter, prettier, and more charming than we actually are just to get through this cruel world. Who wants to hear someone you don't even really know very well telling you that actually your personality stinks and they won't get together with you because of it?! What the heck are you even supposed to do with that info - go and get a new personality?!

You have a spouse who loves you. That alone tells you you are not intolerable to be around. You don't need to change who you are - probably - but just need to find the person who you click with and who also has the bandwidth for you.[/quote]

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