No one reciprocates/invites for play dates

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My house is tiny and messy, and I don't want you to judge me, so I'd rather you host. I always bring snacks and a craft for the kids so it's not too much trouble for you.

I’m the opposite. We live in a big house that is all Pottery Barn deco in beige (DH likes that stuff) and is overly neat and clean (I have ridiculous allergies). I’m afraid to invite people over and assume I am fussy and snooty. You wouldn’t think so at all from what I wear.

So, 20 years ago, your house was fancy, why would I care? And what do your clothes have to do with anything?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My house is tiny and messy, and I don't want you to judge me, so I'd rather you host. I always bring snacks and a craft for the kids so it's not too much trouble for you.

I’m the opposite. We live in a big house that is all Pottery Barn deco in beige (DH likes that stuff) and is overly neat and clean (I have ridiculous allergies). I’m afraid to invite people over and assume I am fussy and snooty. You wouldn’t think so at all from what I wear.

So, 20 years ago, your house was fancy, why would I care? And what do your clothes have to do with anything?

You are the problem. This is the kind of judgy snark that scares people away from hosting.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I can’t host because I have a child that cannot handle kids at our house. They’re perfectly good at other people’s houses, but go crazy at home.

So take them someplace like a park or library or something as host.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Same here, op. We also moved in summer 2021 and invite kids to play dates (at which the other parents always dropping off always seem appreciative and friendly) and the kids always have a good time/play well together…no behavior issues, my kids are genuinely nice and polite kids so it’s not that. but our kids hardly ever get invited to other people’s houses. I actually really don’t mind hosting my kids’ friends so it’s not a big deal to me but my kids will ask me when they get to go to so and so’s house. I feel a little sad for them bc I know they would like to get invited to their friends’ houses and that they would feel more like others are close friends if play date invites were reciprocated.

whaaa. Whaaaaa. Whaaaa.

So you’re the rude parent who never hosts. Got it. Feel good about yourself?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Stop expecting reciprocation. Invite the friends only if you are willing to do it without reciprocation.

Seems like OP thinks she is living in a civilized society (probably). Normal, well raised, functional human being reciprocate. Too bad that that this is a shithold society with no manners.

[Anonymous]

You all have so many excuses. Your house is small and messy or fussy and neat…kids don’t care about that! You have a full time job and other children…so do most people! Typically when you’re friends w someone, sometimes you invite them to do something and sometimes they invite you. If you want your kids to have friends, you have to as their parent teach them how to do it. They invite a friend over, then the friend invites them. Someone said you don’t prioritize 3rd grader play dates…fine, but do you care that you’re not helping your 3rd grader learn how to be a nice friend that others will want to maintain a friendship w?

If you host it doesn’t have to be at your house. But you should at least show some interest in getting together w the other kid. Suggest that they meet up at a playground so you can take your other kids. Show some kind of interest in furthering the relationship instead of just blowing it off because you’re busy. Everyone’s busy. Or your house isn’t ideally suited to hosting…the kids just like playing together and they can do that anywhere.

[Anonymous]

If you in your adult friendships invited someone to do something multiple times and they never invited you to anything, would you keep pursuing them or would you feel like they don’t value your friendship and eventually stop inviting them?

It’s the same w kids. If you never invite your kids’ friends over, eventually they’ll likely stop inviting your kid and the friendship will likely fizzle out.

Or do you just not care because you don’t think friendships are important?

[Anonymous]

People live in filthy hoarder homes. They are incapable of hosting anybody. Also, while they may not be broke, they cannot spend on food for other people because they were raised by hyenas. They just do not know how to host people. When they do host people they feed them expired food from their freezer. People are just culturally selfish here. In short, if you have some kind of dysfunction in your family - toxic family, dirty house, lack of funds, lack of good manners, laziness, mental illness, disease, financial woes, a self-centered culture - you just cannot host.

There is no way these people can reciprocate. My advice to you is that you should not expect reciprocation at all. Call different kids for playdates, create memory for your own children and then do everything possible to give the tools to your own children that they do not turn out like their friends parents.

Remember, the kids of the parents who do not reciprocate, never learn how to become good hosts when they grow up. They do not learn social skills. However, there is no need to bad mouth them IRL. You can certainly vent on an anonymous forum. BTW, the kids grow up and figure out that they were not calling people over to their house for playdates and they were quite weird.

[Anonymous]

Why make things complicated? I never host play dates. I do hang out at the playground/park at the school nearly every day and let my kids play with the friends who do the same. My kid learns to socialize just fine.

When I worked full time, my older kid went to aftercare everyday, and learned to socialize there. Kids can learn to be good friends anywhere. You don’t need to be hosting/reciprocating.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Why make things complicated? I never host play dates. I do hang out at the playground/park at the school nearly every day and let my kids play with the friends who do the same. My kid learns to socialize just fine.

When I worked full time, my older kid went to aftercare everyday, and learned to socialize there. Kids can learn to be good friends anywhere. You don’t need to be hosting/reciprocating.

Do you have friends? Are you ever the one to make plans w them/invite them to do anything?

If no, why not? If yes, why aren’t you teaching your kids how to do this?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:You all have so many excuses. Your house is small and messy or fussy and neat…kids don’t care about that! [\quote]

Yes they do. I still remember the time a friend invited me to her apartment after school and I went without telling my mom. Friend’s mom was a hoarder and a drug addict. I was so scared by what I saw in that house that I still remember it 40 years later.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Why make things complicated? I never host play dates. I do hang out at the playground/park at the school nearly every day and let my kids play with the friends who do the same. My kid learns to socialize just fine.

When I worked full time, my older kid went to aftercare everyday, and learned to socialize there. Kids can learn to be good friends anywhere. You don’t need to be hosting/reciprocating.

Do you have friends? Are you ever the one to make plans w them/invite them to do anything?

If no, why not? If yes, why aren’t you teaching your kids how to do this?

Yes, I have friends. We meet up regularly, but rarely in a home. We all live in the city, so this is easy to do.

Friendship is about caring, listening, and being there for other people. You can do those things anywhere.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:You all have so many excuses. Your house is small and messy or fussy and neat…kids don’t care about that! [\quote]

Yes they do. I still remember the time a friend invited me to her apartment after school and I went without telling my mom. Friend’s mom was a hoarder and a drug addict. I was so scared by what I saw in that house that I still remember it 40 years later.

Ok I’m not talking about the house of a drug addict or hoarder…I’m talking about the house being small or not well decorated or not a ton of toys. Drugs and hoarder level isn’t safe. I’m not talking about unsafe condition houses.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Why make things complicated? I never host play dates. I do hang out at the playground/park at the school nearly every day and let my kids play with the friends who do the same. My kid learns to socialize just fine.

When I worked full time, my older kid went to aftercare everyday, and learned to socialize there. Kids can learn to be good friends anywhere. You don’t need to be hosting/reciprocating.

Do you have friends? Are you ever the one to make plans w them/invite them to do anything?

If no, why not? If yes, why aren’t you teaching your kids how to do this?

Yes, I have friends. We meet up regularly, but rarely in a home. We all live in the city, so this is easy to do.

Friendship is about caring, listening, and being there for other people. You can do those things anywhere.

You may notice I didn’t say inviting someone to your home. I said are you ever the one to initiate plans or invite them to do anything—such as meet up at a restaurant, go to a concert, take a walk together, etc. or do you just sit around waiting for other people to ask you.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:You all have so many excuses. Your house is small and messy or fussy and neat…kids don’t care about that! You have a full time job and other children…so do most people! Typically when you’re friends w someone, sometimes you invite them to do something and sometimes they invite you. If you want your kids to have friends, you have to as their parent teach them how to do it. They invite a friend over, then the friend invites them. Someone said you don’t prioritize 3rd grader play dates…fine, but do you care that you’re not helping your 3rd grader learn how to be a nice friend that others will want to maintain a friendship w?

If you host it doesn’t have to be at your house. But you should at least show some interest in getting together w the other kid. Suggest that they meet up at a playground so you can take your other kids. Show some kind of interest in furthering the relationship instead of just blowing it off because you’re busy. Everyone’s busy. Or your house isn’t ideally suited to hosting…the kids just like playing together and they can do that anywhere.

Did you grow up like this? I don’t recall parents bending over backwards carting kids around to play dates all the time. And I had plenty of friends. My school friends I saw at school and socialized there, plus the aftercare. My sports friends I saw at sports. My neighborhood friends would knock on door and I’d do the same if we were home and bored. No was having mom scheduled and planned out play dates on the regular.