No one reciprocates/invites for play dates

[Anonymous]

We moved to a new area in summer 2021 and my kids made fast friends at their new school (grades 2 and 5 now), but it feels like we are always the ones inviting kids over for play dates and get virtually no invites or reciprocation. When I extend invites the kids/parents are always happy to accept, and the parents always thank me for hosting… but that’s where it ends. Recently my older DS will tell me he made plans with a friend to get together so I will text the parent to confirm the plan and leave it open ended so I am not outwardly offering to host… but since I reach out they always assume I am offering.

Does anyone else deal with this?

[Anonymous]

I can’t host because I have a child that cannot handle kids at our house. They’re perfectly good at other people’s houses, but go crazy at home.

[Anonymous]

Stop expecting reciprocation. Invite the friends only if you are willing to do it without reciprocation.

[Anonymous]

There are many reasons people don’t reciprocate. I think anxiety about the size and state of their living space is a surprisingly common one. You’ll be a lot better off if you stop bean counting and just be happy your kid is happy.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:There are many reasons people don’t reciprocate. I think anxiety about the size and state of their living space is a surprisingly common one. You’ll be a lot better off if you stop bean counting and just be happy your kid is happy.

I am guilty of not reciprocating. Yes, it's anxiety about the state of my house and the fact that we have a really annoying dog. I can't even keep the front blinds open because he will bark at anyone passing by. His dog relatives (inlaw's dogs) taught him to "protect the family" and I cannot get him to unlearn it.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I can’t host because I have a child that cannot handle kids at our house. They’re perfectly good at other people’s houses, but go crazy at home.

What do they do if friends come over to play?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I can’t host because I have a child that cannot handle kids at our house. They’re perfectly good at other people’s houses, but go crazy at home.

So your child has behavioral problems that you are unwilling to handle? This doesn’t sound like SN, just poor parenting.

[Anonymous]

I do reciprocate but right now I am largely doing outdoor play dates because of all the bugs going around

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I can’t host because I have a child that cannot handle kids at our house. They’re perfectly good at other people’s houses, but go crazy at home.

what exactly does this mean?

[Anonymous]

This was us all last year. I wrote a similar post I think! Finally the tide is turning a little and we have found the families that will reciprocate at least some. I don’t mind doing the hosting/planning but worried I was coming on too strong constantly! Anyway just keep it up. You will be glad you did.

[Anonymous]

Same here, op. We also moved in summer 2021 and invite kids to play dates (at which the other parents always dropping off always seem appreciative and friendly) and the kids always have a good time/play well together…no behavior issues, my kids are genuinely nice and polite kids so it’s not that. but our kids hardly ever get invited to other people’s houses. I actually really don’t mind hosting my kids’ friends so it’s not a big deal to me but my kids will ask me when they get to go to so and so’s house. I feel a little sad for them bc I know they would like to get invited to their friends’ houses and that they would feel more like others are close friends if play date invites were reciprocated.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Same here, op. We also moved in summer 2021 and invite kids to play dates (at which the other parents always dropping off always seem appreciative and friendly) and the kids always have a good time/play well together…no behavior issues, my kids are genuinely nice and polite kids so it’s not that. but our kids hardly ever get invited to other people’s houses. I actually really don’t mind hosting my kids’ friends so it’s not a big deal to me but my kids will ask me when they get to go to so and so’s house. I feel a little sad for them bc I know they would like to get invited to their friends’ houses and that they would feel more like others are close friends if play date invites were reciprocated.

whaaa. Whaaaaa. Whaaaa.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:There are many reasons people don’t reciprocate. I think anxiety about the size and state of their living space is a surprisingly common one. You’ll be a lot better off if you stop bean counting and just be happy your kid is happy.

+1. Not every family is a "hosts playdates" family. The important part is that your kid has friends.

[Anonymous]

Same situation as you, OP.

[Anonymous]

I think fewer people host than don't host.