No one reciprocates/invites for play dates

[Anonymous]

I don’t mind hosting. I actually enjoy it. And 99% of the times the other parents will happily reciprocate even though I don’t expect them to. Because that’s the polite thing to do. I’ve only once encountered a parent who consistently sent their kids to my house without reciprocating. Same parent then started organizing sleepovers at my house for oddly specific dates and times. Turns out, she didn’t want a friend for her kids. She wanted a babysitter. Needless to say, my politeness ended there.

[Anonymous]

OP, I am a no-hosting parent now. Kids come over, play inside and outside, with my son and other kids in the neighborhood and leave. My son doesn’t want to play with just one kid and I am not about to extend an invitation to a lot of kids who are within walking distance anyway.

In the past when we have invited kids over, DS was never invited over even though all the kids play together at school. 12 yo dynamics work very differently.

[Anonymous]

This was me OP. We didn’t have a great house or any of the bells and whistles of a “fun house” . Crappy TV, small basement with low ceiling and no room for games (like pool or air hockey or whatever) , small yard, seriously the smallest swing set and later trampoline available for small spaces- and from K-12 we were the house to come to for play dates through HS hang outs and movies. No beer in the fridge but lots of snacks and flavored waters. One of our kids went to HS at a well known K-12 private and kids with pools, game rooms and huge yards and basketball courts were here all weekend every weekend - most stressful night of my life was when my kid wanted to do homecoming pics here - I talked them into another location with more space lol! . I still don’t know why we were “the place” - but be thankful to be the host house. You will know all the kids, all the kids parents will want to know you - and you will remember these years always fondly as will the families you hosted:

[Anonymous]

It’s such a chore. I have three kids and FT job. Hosting play dates is far down the list of priorities. I’ll accept if someone asks but generally we send kids outside to play with neighbors bc it’s so much easier. No need for a text to parents when kid can just walk or bike out the door.

I have recently texted a new neighbor mom to coordinate but hopefully we can get out of texting once kids are comfortable enough to walk over alone.

I may have coordinated more with my oldest child but by #3, I just don’t have the time

[Anonymous]

I host too. Now that kids are in middle school/upper elementary, hosting kids is pretty easy. My older one makes her own plans now, but she knows she can offer up our place as the hangout place, and she does. I actually like it - it puts her at the “center” of her friend group’s social activity, if that makes sense.

[Anonymous]

My daughter has a group of friends that basically never host. It is fine. We host when we feel like it. The kids are lovely when they are here and have a great time.

I could speculate about all kinds of reasons for this. But none of that matters. They are nice kids. We don’t mind hosting.

[Anonymous]

The anxiety excuse never ends on this board.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:This was me OP. We didn’t have a great house or any of the bells and whistles of a “fun house” . Crappy TV, small basement with low ceiling and no room for games (like pool or air hockey or whatever) , small yard, seriously the smallest swing set and later trampoline available for small spaces- and from K-12 we were the house to come to for play dates through HS hang outs and movies. No beer in the fridge but lots of snacks and flavored waters. One of our kids went to HS at a well known K-12 private and kids with pools, game rooms and huge yards and basketball courts were here all weekend every weekend - most stressful night of my life was when my kid wanted to do homecoming pics here - I talked them into another location with more space lol! . I still don’t know why we were “the place” - but be thankful to be the host house. You will know all the kids, all the kids parents will want to know you - and you will remember these years always fondly as will the families you hosted:

This is so sweet. PP, by high school, if they were hanging out at your place it was because you are a calm, kind parent and having a welcoming non-fancy home probably helped!

[Anonymous]

I simply don't like to host.

[Anonymous]

Are you a SAHM?

[Anonymous]

I don’t reciprocate and am okay if people stop asking. We have multiple kids and we both work full time. Weekends are busy. Setting aside a couple of hours for this is very low on the priority list. My kids see friends at aftercare and weekend sports. If you reach out, I assume you want to host.

It gets easier when they become older and can make plans without parents. Then they can do so and hang out when they want, even if we are coming or going with siblings. I understand yours are younger and can’t be left unsupervised yet.

[Anonymous]

8:05 again. I’m trying to envision how your open ended text looks for the 5th grader. “I hear Bill and Mike are planning to get together this weekend.” Is it like that? If it was, I would ask my kid, Bill, if he made plans and then remind him of his soccer game or whatever. 5th grade is getting to the age where the kids plan the hang outs and then check with parents to see if it’s okay. I have a 6th grader and can’t remember the last time I contacted a parent for a playdate. They all have cells or at least iMessage and arrange these things on their own. They are girls, if that makes a difference, and were doing this by the second half of 5th grade at least.

[Anonymous]

I am not good about reciprocating. I have three kids with various schedules to juggle (making a chunk of time free at the house a challenge) and plus dogs that have to be crated if kids come over (which I try to avoid doing too frequently). I’ll do it from time to time but I have parents who invite my kids over more frequently than I am able to or want to host in return.

Agree with PP. Do it if you want to, not because you expect reciprocation.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:The anxiety excuse never ends on this board.

Excuses aren’t necessary at all because you shouldn’t be assuming someone will reciprocate when you offer a play date. A person isn’t obligated to return the favor just because you have a child over to play.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:There are many reasons people don’t reciprocate. I think anxiety about the size and state of their living space is a surprisingly common one. You’ll be a lot better off if you stop bean counting and just be happy your kid is happy.

+1. Not every family is a "hosts playdates" family. The important part is that your kid has friends.

+2 Another reason - I work from home, but the kids get home from school at 230. I’m fine with my kids in the house, but I can’t host a play date during the week, but I will allow my kids to attend them. I try to reciprocate on weekends, but aligning schedules is close to impossible. Plus, it’s really not a priority to make sure I’m reciprocating 3rd graders play dates.