Husband Resenting Me

[Anonymous]

I agree with your strategy OP. It sounds like a great building and having a second kid is way, way more work and $$ so having what you need there and keeping it with just one move to a house seems like a good choice to me.

[Anonymous]

Can you afford to buy a house now?

Agreed it makes no sense to buy a small apartment at this point.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Owning in Chicago sux.

Property taxes are sky high, like $25-30k a year in a $750k property. Thus nothing appreciates much in value since they’d price out of the buyer market ($2.5k a month to govt)

HOA fees are ridiculous on new urban condos. $1k a month to HoA, also depresses value of property and suppresses appreciation.

Buy and sell of a pretty only makes sense if you hold it 7+ years to recoup costs and living. 6% to the realtor (to sell, and on buy frankly), 4% govt fees and taxes and titling. Makes no sense to buy an interim condo for 2-4 years. Waste of money and time.

OP here. This. The HOA fee is far less but it’s expensive.

The 699k ( not 799k like I thought) condo will be about $5300/month. HOA fees are $318/month, taxes are almost $15k, then homeowners insurance, etc. We will break even once you add in utilities, etc.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My husband and I had our first baby last month and we lived in a 1bd 1ba apartment, and moved to a 2bd 2ba apartment in the same building. He wanted to buy a condo, but we decided to keep renting. The high rise building we are in is expensive but we have so many amazing amenities, stores within walking distance, and close to both of our work. We plan to have another child within the next two years and then will buy a house. He seemed okay with this situation after some discussions, but now he has again been bringing up the topic of buying a condo. He found a 2b 2ba condo in an elevator building. It is nice but it’s farther from work and in a different area. It doesn’t make sense to buy a condo and then look for a house in 2-3 years. I feel like he is very passive aggressive lately - “wow, this place is small with all the baby stuff”, “man, I wish we had more space”, and “ I wish I had a private balcony”. It’s very irritating and I feel like he now holds it against me. I know we made the right decision. How do I get him to stop making me feel bad for a decision we both agreed upon?

Once kids are toddlers, they will be asleep, in day care, preschool, before school, school, after school, sports, park, activities for most waking hours while you two will be at work, dinning out commuting, shopping,visiting parents/in-laws or hauling kids around. Kids don't really need much space in today's lifestyle, we just think they do. As long as your building as some common spaces and there is a playground nearby, you are good. Just don't collect foo much stuff, they'll quickly outgrow it anyway.

That being said, a condo may not be your dream home but its still your own and helps build equity so it's not a bad idea. Get one, live there until your income and savings are at a level to buy a bigger place. Having your own place gives you security in case life throws curveballs, some of the security is real and some is perceived but both good for mental security.

As a compromise, see if you can buy a condo in your area. Young marriages are a challenge with little babies and financial struggles, only way to come out strong is to join hands. Both of you need to deposit kindness, thoughtfulness and cooperation into marital bank to withdraw.

OP here. I’m not buying a condo. We are not that young and we don’t have financial struggles.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Can you afford to buy a house now?

Agreed it makes no sense to buy a small apartment at this point.

OP here. We can but I have said many times we do not want to move to a house right now.

[Anonymous]

The numbers and practical reasons make sense to you, but does he really get it? It sounds like he’s either not convinced or there’s something else behind his desire to get a condo that maybe he hasn’t told you.

If you can’t reason with him, try marriage counseling. If he won’t go with you, go yourself.

[Anonymous]

This is dumb.

[Anonymous]

Lots of cheaper places.

[Anonymous]

I suspect the point everyone is missing here is that you had your first child just a month ago. That is a huge transition for all parents. As much as it’s hell on a mother’s body, psyche, and sleep, it’s a different kind of hell for fathers. Pregnancy didn’t affect them in the same way, so they tend to have their “oh crap, I’m a PARENT now!” moment right after the first child is born. Plus, fathers are still socialized to see themselves as “providers” even in families where both parents work. The idea of owning vs renting, and/or of needing to save on extra expenditures like exorbitant rent is quite possibly tied into all these emotional transitions. Even the comments about all the baby stuff could be an issue of adjusting to the fact that the baby has tangibly, visibly taken over your lives now.

Point is, these are emotional issues and they may be more subconscious than fully conscious. You can parse playrooms and commutes and property taxes all you want, but it doesn’t get to the emotional issues that may be driving his real estate impulses right now. Try having a discussion about how you’re both *feeling* right now, and see if you can work some open-ended, non-judgmental thoughts and questions about your living situation into that discussion.