Husband Resenting Me

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:You live in Chicago? That’s a completely crazy rent to be paying, even with those amenities.

OP here. Yes. We moved from VA to Chicago 2 years ago.

[Anonymous]

If you work from home, why does it matter that you’re only 0.5 mi from your job? How often do you actually go in to the workplace? You may be paying way more than you have to for a convenience that you don’t really need.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:The rent is ridiculous. Amenities and city living aside, buying the house makes more sense. Interest rates are high but because of that prices should be low and you can always refi later. $6k a month is such a waste for “amenities” when you could have a house. The condo idea is dumb.

OP here. The house isn’t in play. Neither of us want to move to the suburbs right now. It was either keep renting this apartment or buy a condo. When broken down, the condo would be about the same monthly. We will likely lose money if we buy a condo and resell 2-3 years later.

The amenities work for us. I’m 0.5 mile from my job and he is 1 mile away. I mostly WFH and having a nanny willing to work in a 2b condo with a WFH parent is challenging. At least I can go to one of the business suites and work. The nanny can use the huge playroom when they need a break from the apartment and it’s too cold outside. The building has a huge gym that is always clean and I love the convenience of working out and going right upstairs. With crime rates, it gives me comfort knowing I live in a high rise with a doorman and you can’t get access beyond the lobby unless you live there. My husband sometimes travels for work and I like knowing I’m safe.

You have an excuse for everything. No wonder your husband is resentful, sounds like you railroaded him into the decision.

OP here. No. He chose this building in the first place when we moved here. He liked that I was safe, no commute, ( we don’t own a car), and a very huge and nice gym.

If it were 1-2 years later, and it was apartment vs house, we would find a house, but it’s not. It doesn’t make sense to buy a condo with a farther commute and none of the current amenities, for the same price we pay renting. Having to resell a condo in 2-3 years when we have no idea where the economy will be is not a good idea. We have looked and many of the condos being sold in even nice areas are sitting on the market for months. I don’t see a point in moving and owning something we might be stuck with or lose money on.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:If you work from home, why does it matter that you’re only 0.5 mi from your job? How often do you actually go in to the workplace? You may be paying way more than you have to for a convenience that you don’t really need.

OP here. I work from home two days a week and go in 3 days a week. That may change move companies start requiring their employees to be at work.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:You live in Chicago? That’s a completely crazy rent to be paying, even with those amenities.

Agree it sounds insane, but we don’t know their HHI. Also agree with those who think it’s ridiculous to assume kids would not be ok sharing a 10x12 room for many years.

OP here. How would it work for two kids to share some room when you have a baby constantly waking up, sleep regressions, sleep training, etc.?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:The rent is ridiculous. Amenities and city living aside, buying the house makes more sense. Interest rates are high but because of that prices should be low and you can always refi later. $6k a month is such a waste for “amenities” when you could have a house. The condo idea is dumb.

OP here. The house isn’t in play. Neither of us want to move to the suburbs right now. It was either keep renting this apartment or buy a condo. When broken down, the condo would be about the same monthly. We will likely lose money if we buy a condo and resell 2-3 years later.

The amenities work for us. I’m 0.5 mile from my job and he is 1 mile away. I mostly WFH and having a nanny willing to work in a 2b condo with a WFH parent is challenging. At least I can go to one of the business suites and work. The nanny can use the huge playroom when they need a break from the apartment and it’s too cold outside. The building has a huge gym that is always clean and I love the convenience of working out and going right upstairs. With crime rates, it gives me comfort knowing I live in a high rise with a doorman and you can’t get access beyond the lobby unless you live there. My husband sometimes travels for work and I like knowing I’m safe.

You have an excuse for everything. No wonder your husband is resentful, sounds like you railroaded him into the decision.

OP here. No. He chose this building in the first place when we moved here. He liked that I was safe, no commute, ( we don’t own a car), and a very huge and nice gym.

If it were 1-2 years later, and it was apartment vs house, we would find a house, but it’s not. It doesn’t make sense to buy a condo with a farther commute and none of the current amenities, for the same price we pay renting. Having to resell a condo in 2-3 years when we have no idea where the economy will be is not a good idea. We have looked and many of the condos being sold in even nice areas are sitting on the market for months. I don’t see a point in moving and owning something we might be stuck with or lose money on.

Yep. An excuse for everything.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:You live in Chicago? That’s a completely crazy rent to be paying, even with those amenities.

Agree it sounds insane, but we don’t know their HHI. Also agree with those who think it’s ridiculous to assume kids would not be ok sharing a 10x12 room for many years.

OP here. How would it work for two kids to share some room when you have a baby constantly waking up, sleep regressions, sleep training, etc.?

How is this a question? The infant sleeps with the parents until they are sleep trained. Are you really that ignorant to the millions and millions of people living in apartments with children worldwide?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:When you say “he seemed ok with it” doesn’t mean he really was ok with it. Judging that he’s bringing it up again, he’s not ok with it.
Maybe to him, it seems like your stalling buying a house and he worries he will be stuck in an apartment forever never getting equity. Obviously, you just moved so you may have a lease your locked into currently. Maybe talk to a financial planner who knows a real estate person together, let the expert look at your specific numbers, and they can give you some expert advice. Might be the best money spent.

OP here. I don’t think his is it. We have rented and collectively decided buying a house wouldn’t make sense until we had multiple kids. We enjoy living in the city and don’t want to move to the suburbs until we need to. He think wasting the money ( rent is $6000/month on rent + utilities) is a lot and we could use that to build equity in a condo. I don’t think the condo is a smart purchase and the monthly payment will be same. We have done research and it just doesn’t make sense to buy a condo and resell. That will lead to a longer commute and we will lose a lot of the amenities we have now.

And he's correct. He folded to your whim, is unhappy with the decision and now you're whining because he's not happy. All with a new baby. This could get real ugly real quick.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Tell him "we made this decision together, so if you don't like it, leave." What he does will tell you what to do next.

This is dumb. Telling your husband to leave just because he's not happy in their current situation is so stupid. You can communicate with your spouse without being nasty. And what if he leaves? Can she foot that $6000 rent by herself? Terrible advice.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Tell him "we made this decision together, so if you don't like it, leave." What he does will tell you what to do next.

OP here. I’m not going to threaten my husband.

That's not a threat. No wonder you have communication issues.

YOU clearly have communication issues giving out dumb advice. I can only imagine what kind of drama you have in your relationship.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:You live in Chicago? That’s a completely crazy rent to be paying, even with those amenities.

Agree it sounds insane, but we don’t know their HHI. Also agree with those who think it’s ridiculous to assume kids would not be ok sharing a 10x12 room for many years.

OP here. How would it work for two kids to share some room when you have a baby constantly waking up, sleep regressions, sleep training, etc.?

Well, the way it worked for me, with my two kids who now share a 8 x 11 room (the horror!) is that the baby slept with us for a while, and then we had him in his mini crib in our second bathroom while he sorted out his sleep, and now he shares with his sister. I get to enjoy their sweet conversations together and they snuggle in the morning together and play in their room on the weekends while DH and I sleep in. The sleep training transition period was maybe a couple of months, but that is was years ago and I haven't looked back.

I get that room sharing and small apartment living isn't for everyone, but you sound really high maintenance, OP.

Fwiw my apartment is in the middle of NYC, is <1000sf...and we bought it for $1.5M, least anyone get apologetic over my poor person's lifestyle. We made this decision and are happy with it, despite many trade-offs (what I wouldn't give for an extra few feet of a 10 x 12 bedroom for them!). But I know that many, many families around the world get by comfortably in even smaller spaces.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:You live in Chicago? That’s a completely crazy rent to be paying, even with those amenities.

Agree it sounds insane, but we don’t know their HHI. Also agree with those who think it’s ridiculous to assume kids would not be ok sharing a 10x12 room for many years.

OP here. How would it work for two kids to share some room when you have a baby constantly waking up, sleep regressions, sleep training, etc.?

How is this a question? The infant sleeps with the parents until they are sleep trained. Are you really that ignorant to the millions and millions of people living in apartments with children worldwide?

OP here. We don’t really believe in that. My husband and I do not have our son in our room. He sleeps in the nursery for night sleep and most of his naps.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Tell him "we made this decision together, so if you don't like it, leave." What he does will tell you what to do next.

This is dumb. Telling your husband to leave just because he's not happy in their current situation is so stupid. You can communicate with your spouse without being nasty. And what if he leaves? Can she foot that $6000 rent by herself? Terrible advice.

OP here. I would never do this to my husband. I would never give him an ultimatum or threaten him.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:You live in Chicago? That’s a completely crazy rent to be paying, even with those amenities.

Agree it sounds insane, but we don’t know their HHI. Also agree with those who think it’s ridiculous to assume kids would not be ok sharing a 10x12 room for many years.

OP here. How would it work for two kids to share some room when you have a baby constantly waking up, sleep regressions, sleep training, etc.?

How is this a question? The infant sleeps with the parents until they are sleep trained. Are you really that ignorant to the millions and millions of people living in apartments with children worldwide?

OP here. We don’t really believe in that. My husband and I do not have our son in our room. He sleeps in the nursery for night sleep and most of his naps.

Another excuse.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:You live in Chicago? That’s a completely crazy rent to be paying, even with those amenities.

Agree it sounds insane, but we don’t know their HHI. Also agree with those who think it’s ridiculous to assume kids would not be ok sharing a 10x12 room for many years.

OP here. How would it work for two kids to share some room when you have a baby constantly waking up, sleep regressions, sleep training, etc.?

How is this a question? The infant sleeps with the parents until they are sleep trained. Are you really that ignorant to the millions and millions of people living in apartments with children worldwide?

OP here. We don’t really believe in that. My husband and I do not have our son in our room. He sleeps in the nursery for night sleep and most of his naps.

Another excuse.

OP here. No. It’s just a parenting choice.

We plan to buy a house for many reasons because this. We want to be a good school district, have a yard, have a guest room for my family, etc.