Husband Resenting Me

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Tell him "we made this decision together, so if you don't like it, leave." What he does will tell you what to do next.

OP here. I’m not going to threaten my husband.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Tell him "we made this decision together, so if you don't like it, leave." What he does will tell you what to do next.

OP here. I’m not going to threaten my husband.

That's not a threat. No wonder you have communication issues.

[Anonymous]

OP, doesn't sound like your DH resents you -- he is just unsure of the decision that the both of you made. Maybe humor him with a revisit ...

[Anonymous]

Too much going to rent. More than my mortgage for a 5br SF home near Tyson’s.

[Anonymous]

The rent is ridiculous. Amenities and city living aside, buying the house makes more sense. Interest rates are high but because of that prices should be low and you can always refi later. $6k a month is such a waste for “amenities” when you could have a house. The condo idea is dumb.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:With all due respect, it doesn’t make sense to buy a house in two years. A 2/2 is perfect for a young family of 4. Save all you can and see how long you can do it. Interest rates are stupid high right now. You don’t even know you’ll want another child or if you’ll be able to. Just chill.

OP here. We definitely want two kids and we will be trying for a second next year. We may not buy a house in two years, but we will be in the next 3 years. I figured once the kids are toddlers, we will need more space. We moved to Chicago for my husbands job and because he is from here. All of his family lives in the suburbs and we would eventually move to the suburbs for more space. I can’t imagine two young kids sharing a 10 x 12 room in a 1300 sqft. apartment. It may be fine for the first year, but they will eventually need their own space.

This, my friends, is what will eventually end life on the planet. WTF.

[Anonymous]

OP, you both sound stupid. Chicago's COL is lower than DC, and we rent an entire 3br home in a safe and close-in neighborhood in DC for 5k/mo.

[Anonymous]

It doesn’t sound like he resents you, it sounds like he’s upset he’s continuing to spend $6k/mo on rent. On apartments.com it looks like there are plenty of luxury 2br/2ba in your neighborhood for 4500

[Anonymous]

You live in Chicago? That’s a completely crazy rent to be paying, even with those amenities.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:The rent is ridiculous. Amenities and city living aside, buying the house makes more sense. Interest rates are high but because of that prices should be low and you can always refi later. $6k a month is such a waste for “amenities” when you could have a house. The condo idea is dumb.

OP here. The house isn’t in play. Neither of us want to move to the suburbs right now. It was either keep renting this apartment or buy a condo. When broken down, the condo would be about the same monthly. We will likely lose money if we buy a condo and resell 2-3 years later.

The amenities work for us. I’m 0.5 mile from my job and he is 1 mile away. I mostly WFH and having a nanny willing to work in a 2b condo with a WFH parent is challenging. At least I can go to one of the business suites and work. The nanny can use the huge playroom when they need a break from the apartment and it’s too cold outside. The building has a huge gym that is always clean and I love the convenience of working out and going right upstairs. With crime rates, it gives me comfort knowing I live in a high rise with a doorman and you can’t get access beyond the lobby unless you live there. My husband sometimes travels for work and I like knowing I’m safe.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:With all due respect, it doesn’t make sense to buy a house in two years. A 2/2 is perfect for a young family of 4. Save all you can and see how long you can do it. Interest rates are stupid high right now. You don’t even know you’ll want another child or if you’ll be able to. Just chill.

OP here. We definitely want two kids and we will be trying for a second next year. We may not buy a house in two years, but we will be in the next 3 years. I figured once the kids are toddlers, we will need more space. We moved to Chicago for my husbands job and because he is from here. All of his family lives in the suburbs and we would eventually move to the suburbs for more space. I can’t imagine two young kids sharing a 10 x 12 room in a 1300 sqft. apartment. It may be fine for the first year, but they will eventually need their own space.

This, my friends, is what will eventually end life on the planet. WTF.

OP here. Why? I can’t imagine two kids sharing a room at different stages. What happens when we sleep train a second child? How will that go over with an older child in the same room?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:You live in Chicago? That’s a completely crazy rent to be paying, even with those amenities.

Agree it sounds insane, but we don’t know their HHI. Also agree with those who think it’s ridiculous to assume kids would not be ok sharing a 10x12 room for many years.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:The rent is ridiculous. Amenities and city living aside, buying the house makes more sense. Interest rates are high but because of that prices should be low and you can always refi later. $6k a month is such a waste for “amenities” when you could have a house. The condo idea is dumb.

OP here. The house isn’t in play. Neither of us want to move to the suburbs right now. It was either keep renting this apartment or buy a condo. When broken down, the condo would be about the same monthly. We will likely lose money if we buy a condo and resell 2-3 years later.

The amenities work for us. I’m 0.5 mile from my job and he is 1 mile away. I mostly WFH and having a nanny willing to work in a 2b condo with a WFH parent is challenging. At least I can go to one of the business suites and work. The nanny can use the huge playroom when they need a break from the apartment and it’s too cold outside. The building has a huge gym that is always clean and I love the convenience of working out and going right upstairs. With crime rates, it gives me comfort knowing I live in a high rise with a doorman and you can’t get access beyond the lobby unless you live there. My husband sometimes travels for work and I like knowing I’m safe.

You have an excuse for everything. No wonder your husband is resentful, sounds like you railroaded him into the decision.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP, you both sound stupid. Chicago's COL is lower than DC, and we rent an entire 3br home in a safe and close-in neighborhood in DC for 5k/mo.

OP here. It’s our choice. We moved here for my husbands job and rented this place to be close to his job and mine. Commute is a big deal and we didn’t want to move to the Northside and have to commute long distances. This had the security ( he traveled a lot when we first moved here), the gym, and a no commute. We don’t own a car and that is a big deal when we have Target and Whole Foods within two blocks of us.

Besides rent, we don’t spend much on anything else. We aren’t spending loads of money on extravagant things. We have no debt and make more than enoogj to cover our rent. The condo would have been $799k or more. A house we buy will probably be at least $1mil ( Park Ridge).

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:It doesn’t sound like he resents you, it sounds like he’s upset he’s continuing to spend $6k/mo on rent. On apartments.com it looks like there are plenty of luxury 2br/2ba in your neighborhood for 4500

OP here. We paid 4800 before for 1bd and he didn’t care. I think he needs to stop when we will lose money on a condo and pay about the same.