Husband Resenting Me
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Anonymous
| My husband and I had our first baby last month and we lived in a 1bd 1ba apartment, and moved to a 2bd 2ba apartment in the same building. He wanted to buy a condo, but we decided to keep renting. The high rise building we are in is expensive but we have so many amazing amenities, stores within walking distance, and close to both of our work. We plan to have another child within the next two years and then will buy a house. He seemed okay with this situation after some discussions, but now he has again been bringing up the topic of buying a condo. He found a 2b 2ba condo in an elevator building. It is nice but it’s farther from work and in a different area. It doesn’t make sense to buy a condo and then look for a house in 2-3 years. I feel like he is very passive aggressive lately - “wow, this place is small with all the baby stuff”, “man, I wish we had more space”, and “ I wish I had a private balcony”. It’s very irritating and I feel like he now holds it against me. I know we made the right decision. How do I get him to stop making me feel bad for a decision we both agreed upon? |
Anonymous
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eh.. let him b1tch and complain. I agree with you, it makes zero sense to buy a condo then a house in the span of 3 yrs.
Just a word of warning - we had a 2br/2ba and it was perfect for us. Then DC#2 came along, and it was the opposite gender to DC#1. So we had to move to a 3br eventually. |
Anonymous
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When you say “he seemed ok with it” doesn’t mean he really was ok with it. Judging that he’s bringing it up again, he’s not ok with it.
Maybe to him, it seems like your stalling buying a house and he worries he will be stuck in an apartment forever never getting equity. Obviously, you just moved so you may have a lease your locked into currently. Maybe talk to a financial planner who knows a real estate person together, let the expert look at your specific numbers, and they can give you some expert advice. Might be the best money spent. |
Anonymous
| Ask him. “Seems like you aren’t pleased with this new 2BR. What is up?” |
Anonymous
| Making it’s the price. He may not want to spend a ton of money on a high rise when you could be building equality. |
Anonymous
They aren't building equity if they buy now and sell in a couple of years. They could even lose money selling that quickly, value of property not to mention all the closing costs as a seller. |
Anonymous
OP here. I don’t think his is it. We have rented and collectively decided buying a house wouldn’t make sense until we had multiple kids. We enjoy living in the city and don’t want to move to the suburbs until we need to. He think wasting the money ( rent is $6000/month on rent + utilities) is a lot and we could use that to build equity in a condo. I don’t think the condo is a smart purchase and the monthly payment will be same. We have done research and it just doesn’t make sense to buy a condo and resell. That will lead to a longer commute and we will lose a lot of the amenities we have now. |
Anonymous
$6000/month on rent? That’s crazy. |
Anonymous
They might be in NYC where that isn't crazy at all for a 2b/2b in a good part of the city. Wherever you are, OP, there are calculators online rent vs buy, which I'm guessing you have already done. I feel certain rent is going to win in your situation, regardless of commute and/or amenities. |
Anonymous
OP here. The building is a high rise in a very expensive area. It’s within 1 mile of our jobs and comes with a lot of amenities - safety features that make me feel safe when he travels for work, a huge gym, an indoor poor, a entire floor of business suites to work out of, big entertaining spaces for when family/friends come to visit, a big children’s play room, package delivery, and Target and Whole Foods is within two blocks of us. I feel like we have so many amenities and we don’t really have to go anywhere or spend extra on gym memberships. We can work from home and not have to be in the apartment all day. When we hire childcare, they will be able to utilize the big play room ( almost always empty). I like that it makes my life easier with having a newborn. |
Anonymous
OP here. No. We are in downtown Chicago ( streeterville). The 2bd 2ba condo is $799 and will come out to about the same monthly payment with HOA fees, etc. |
Anonymous
| Tell him "we made this decision together, so if you don't like it, leave." What he does will tell you what to do next. |
Anonymous
| Not getting into your business but tell your husband to give the subject some time to do a pros and cons kind of list. You really should stay put for now or until the second baby happens. This life is about to get interesting. |
Anonymous
| With all due respect, it doesn’t make sense to buy a house in two years. A 2/2 is perfect for a young family of 4. Save all you can and see how long you can do it. Interest rates are stupid high right now. You don’t even know you’ll want another child or if you’ll be able to. Just chill. |
Anonymous
OP here. We definitely want two kids and we will be trying for a second next year. We may not buy a house in two years, but we will be in the next 3 years. I figured once the kids are toddlers, we will need more space. We moved to Chicago for my husbands job and because he is from here. All of his family lives in the suburbs and we would eventually move to the suburbs for more space. I can’t imagine two young kids sharing a 10 x 12 room in a 1300 sqft. apartment. It may be fine for the first year, but they will eventually need their own space. |