Resentful PTA moms

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:On my kid's PTA (I'm the secretary) we complain about the state of education in general . . . lack of funding, high stakes testing, inept school board, unapproachable principal. But we don't really complain about other parents, no.

PTAs are supposed to advocate, that's all. They're not supposed to make up for lack of funding or be in charge of programming for the school or anything like that. So anything PTAs do in that arena is gravy, not a requirement.

Maybe these PTA moms feel unappreciated, which is totally understandable. We just expect some people to do free labor out of the goodness of their hearts (which is basically what teaching is at this point). Or maybe they have anxiety about their school not being "good enough" without their efforts, so they feel like other people not volunteering is threatening their own children's experience. Who knows.

This is very true. But at a lot of schools, a precedent has been set that PTAs are there to plan events and raise money and that is what they spend so much of their time doing. As a PTA leader, I have found that those efforts are easier and more appreciated than anything you try to advocate for when dealing with MCPS. Which is sad but it is what it is.

I think both are important. Funds we raised supported grants for teachers, outdoor ed supplements, 6th grade picnic, and scholarships. I don't think it has to be either support or advocacy. We can have both. I'll admit, I was more focused on the former as PTA pres, but we had other board members who took the lead on the latter.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I dunno, the biggest drama from our PTA meetings seems to come not from the PTA board but disgruntled parents (who may or may not be actual PTA members because anyone can attend) who use it as an avenue for venting about anything and everything, particularly if they have an axe to grind with the principal. It can be entertaining but also really awkward.

Yes! This. Made for some very dramatic and colorful experiences.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:The PTA moms at our school always seem very irritated. Upset that more people aren’t volunteering, annoyed that a couple board positions are unfilled… I understand that this is frustrating but this sort of behavior drives people away rather than luring them in. I’m happy to help with my time and my money but I’m not interested in sitting in meetings with other moms who want to complain all day about everything.

Are most PTAs like this?

I'm a PTA President at a middle school and our PTA officers including me are pretty laid back. Being an officer while having a full time job is enough and we're not going to burn ourselves out just to have events. We decided early on that the events will be run by committees and if we don't have any volunteers to execute those events, we just don't have them. To me, the lack of volunteers is a direct reflection of how badly (or not) the families want to have them. So no volunteers? Then we move on and aren't at all irritated by it. And if there are no events, then be it.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I never engaged with the PTA and I avoided those who did. Normally they seemed to have problem kids of some kind and thought their extra presence at school could balance out or micromanage those difficulties. Behavioral difficulties I'm talking about here, not learning or other special needs.

How would you know what the source of the behavior difficulties were? These people aren't your friends so it's not like you would know if there were special needs or not. You sound like a piece of work.

I knew the kids, they were friends with my kids and in their classes. I also knew the parents. You think I just pulled that statement out of my ass based on nothing? You're a moron.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:If someone whines about PTA's having to much money, I think all PTA's should stop all fundraising altogether. Parents can directly contribute to their teachers and schools. The PTA can just hold meetings to discuss issues parents have.

Done. See how easy that was!

Equity issues mean it will never be this easy.

No, you mean equality, not equity. All children are equal and deserve equal opportunities. This is not Animal Farm where some are more equal than others.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I dunno, the biggest drama from our PTA meetings seems to come not from the PTA board but disgruntled parents (who may or may not be actual PTA members because anyone can attend) who use it as an avenue for venting about anything and everything, particularly if they have an axe to grind with the principal. It can be entertaining but also really awkward.

Yes, that is one of the purposes of the PTA. To hear complaints from parents. I'm surprised you didn't know that?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I never engaged with the PTA and I avoided those who did. Normally they seemed to have problem kids of some kind and thought their extra presence at school could balance out or micromanage those difficulties. Behavioral difficulties I'm talking about here, not learning or other special needs.

How would you know what the source of the behavior difficulties were? These people aren't your friends so it's not like you would know if there were special needs or not. You sound like a piece of work.

I knew the kids, they were friends with my kids and in their classes. I also knew the parents. You think I just pulled that statement out of my ass based on nothing? You're a moron.

Sounds like they were involved parents staying on top of things and keeping tabs on their kids. But, sure, you're a wonderful non judgmental person. Moron.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I was a PTSA president when my kids were in school. It was a time-consuming role. And someone will always be mad at you. But, we raised $32,000 to build a new playground. All the kids benefited from that project. The next year, we were able to put new technology in every classroom. A huge plus for our teachers.

I'll admit that I judge parents who choose not to be involved. I'm busy too. It's amazing that the busiest people I know always find time to volunteer at school.

A: Amazing that you raised 32k!!!
B: You might never actually get to know the busiest parents because, you know, they're busy doing other things.

Busy goofing off.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I dunno, the biggest drama from our PTA meetings seems to come not from the PTA board but disgruntled parents (who may or may not be actual PTA members because anyone can attend) who use it as an avenue for venting about anything and everything, particularly if they have an axe to grind with the principal. It can be entertaining but also really awkward.

Yes, that is one of the purposes of the PTA. To hear complaints from parents. I'm surprised you didn't know that?

Well, it’s more productive if they are complaints we could do something about. If you’re upset there is too much testing, take it to Annapolis. Everyone in this building agrees completely and yet won’t disobey state law. Complains like that take up too much meeting time and accomplish nothing.

[Anonymous]

I thinking “working” Moms are the issue. My wife who was a SAHM with a 5, 9 and 11 year old at home did volunteer work at the Elementary school.

Mind you we lived 5 houses from school entrance. Maybe 350 foot walk.

Well the “working” moms quickly realized she was home by school. They would try to arrange “play dates” after school to get free baby sitting. Try to call last minute of a volunteer did not show up. Maybe her brownie troop leader. Class mom. Quickly she burnt out. The final straw the parents who volunteer to help with car drop offs in morning kept bugging her to volunteer. She kept saying no. Then one morning a banging in door from one mom demanding she come out. My wife was like I live 350 feet from school I don’t drive. She also knew 75 percent of drop offs were dads going to gym, moms to Starbucks. They all has time.

We moved and since then refuses to volunteer anything or tell single person she is home.

Some “working” moms lie and don’t have jobs just to get out of things.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I thinking “working” Moms are the issue. My wife who was a SAHM with a 5, 9 and 11 year old at home did volunteer work at the Elementary school.

Mind you we lived 5 houses from school entrance. Maybe 350 foot walk.

Well the “working” moms quickly realized she was home by school. They would try to arrange “play dates” after school to get free baby sitting. Try to call last minute of a volunteer did not show up. Maybe her brownie troop leader. Class mom. Quickly she burnt out. The final straw the parents who volunteer to help with car drop offs in morning kept bugging her to volunteer. She kept saying no. Then one morning a banging in door from one mom demanding she come out. My wife was like I live 350 feet from school I don’t drive. She also knew 75 percent of drop offs were dads going to gym, moms to Starbucks. They all has time.

We moved and since then refuses to volunteer anything or tell single person she is home.

Some “working” moms lie and don’t have jobs just to get out of things.

It goes both ways. The working parents do seem to have an expectation that the Saha do the work without realizing that Sahp have reasons for being at home. There is a huge expectation to provide free child care and transportation by some, not all and be on standby. At our school, they push for the working parents to run things but sahp to actually do the work.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:The PTA moms at our school always seem very irritated. Upset that more people aren’t volunteering, annoyed that a couple board positions are unfilled… I understand that this is frustrating but this sort of behavior drives people away rather than luring them in. I’m happy to help with my time and my money but I’m not interested in sitting in meetings with other moms who want to complain all day about everything.

Are most PTAs like this?

I'm a PTA President at a middle school and our PTA officers including me are pretty laid back. Being an officer while having a full time job is enough and we're not going to burn ourselves out just to have events. We decided early on that the events will be run by committees and if we don't have any volunteers to execute those events, we just don't have them. To me, the lack of volunteers is a direct reflection of how badly (or not) the families want to have them. So no volunteers? Then we move on and aren't at all irritated by it. And if there are no events, then be it.

You also need to be doing more. Our school had this attitude but when other parents did step up the president had to control it and either take the credit or she’d find ways to sabotage it. She ran off some board members who did do a lot and replaced them with friends who did nothing and bailed after a year.

[Anonymous]

When DC was in ES the moms who were in the PTA and volunteered for things all lived super close to the school, knew each other, and gave side eye to people outside of their clique. Since they seem happy to do everything, I just let them.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I have been at a few MCPS and there have never been any teachers involved in the PTA. They should just call it the PA.

I think this is almost every school. Then again, I don't like staying late at my job to not get paid more for the time so I get it. The teachers who come to our events are the ones who are single without kids.

[Anonymous]

I'm a working mom who also volunteers with my kids' PTA because I want them to have stuff like a book fair and a spring picnic. It's not how I would choose to spend my free time normally, but it's worth it to me to see them enjoy some of the things that a PTA provides.

A lot of the comments on here seem to be made by parents who are not well socialized, or are looking for drama where there is none. We're all busy. Stop assuming anyone is thinking about you or how slim and pretty you are. Stop assuming you are being ostracized from an imaginary "in crowd." Just show up and blow up the balloons or whatever and leave.

Peace.