Resentful PTA moms

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:My DC's school *constantly* ask for volunteers--for lunch and recess, book fair, girls on the run, school events--it is incessant. My SAHM was never asked to do one damn thing at my school when I was a child. It's gotten completely out of control! And the vast majority of parents work, so I don't know where they think all these bodies are supposed to come from in the middle of the day.

This sounds like our middle school, the Pta sends a DAILY afternoon EMAIL asking us to volunteer and donate stuff. It’s bonkers!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:The PTA moms at our school always seem very irritated. Upset that more people aren’t volunteering, annoyed that a couple board positions are unfilled… I understand that this is frustrating but this sort of behavior drives people away rather than luring them in. I’m happy to help with my time and my money but I’m not interested in sitting in meetings with other moms who want to complain all day about everything.

Are most PTAs like this?

Initially, I volunteered but found them so unpleasant to be around I stopped.

Wow that's exactly what happened to me. I'd volunteered to be in one of those roles, but the president was kind of domineering and not what one would call welcoming, so I just let her take over the role (because that's what it seemed like she wanted to do) and exited myself from the group. I was trying to make sure the security aspect was solid but encountered so much resistance that I was like forget it. I do appreciate the PTA and their efforts but I guess it's just for people who can get along with that group.

Exactly what happened to me. It was an elementary school in darnestown? Was your experience at that school…I wonder. It happened five years ago.

[Anonymous]

I was a PTA pres for two years in MS since no one volunteered for it. Of course, I had an agenda and and I wanted certain things for the students in the school. The way to go about it was through the PTA because we have a place on the table of the decision-makers. Otherwise, they will shit all over the parents.

What works is to let volunteers work on stuff that they are interested in under the umbrella of PTA. If a parent wanted to have a "Reading Night", I would make them in-charge and help them with getting the momentum for it. If someone wanted to provide teachers with a hot lunch then they became in-charge of the staff appreciation luncheon, and my help was to be there and publicize to get participation.

Every parent typically cares about one or two events that their own child cares about. Tap into this sentiment and involve them in leading that effort. You do not have to particularly have a liking for a lollipop social or icecream for all kids on the last day of MAP testing. But if a parent cares about this and want to make it happen, you provide the PTA resources (usually publicity and solicitations for funds or material) and make them the chairperson for lollipop day etc.

Similarly, if they want that kids get opportunities for education or enrichment, ask them what they have in mind and help them to make it happen. It is really not that hard.

If you cannot get the money, resources, time, or momentum from the parents for any thing as a PTA leader, then there is something very wrong in how you are communicating with them. It can be a language, personality, cultural or timing barrier, but it is there.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:My DC's school *constantly* ask for volunteers--for lunch and recess, book fair, girls on the run, school events--it is incessant. My SAHM was never asked to do one damn thing at my school when I was a child. It's gotten completely out of control! And the vast majority of parents work, so I don't know where they think all these bodies are supposed to come from in the middle of the day.

I was the PTA pres for my kids MS. My workaround was to have students volunteer for a lot of these events and give them SSL hours for participating. Usually, their parents would also donate for pizza and drinks etc for all of these events for the students, and inevitably, some of the parents also volunteered.

Parents will volunteer if their kid are involved in the event or are getting SSL hours. You do not need a lot of money to run the PTA. Have enough to do two or three cultural events and tap into free resources. Piggyback into what teachers are doing and enhance it with PTA participation. For example - you can work with the Arts teacher to have an exhibition and "sell" the paintings to the parents as a fundraiser for the Arts dept as well as PTA. You really have to understand that parents are very busy and they are not interested if their kids are not engaged or directly profiting in some wat.

If your school does not have volunteers ask the HS kids to volunteer and be creative about the timing of the event. I do think that PTA has a perception problem at some schools with not being inclusive. There are some mean PTA moms out there and that is not just a meme.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I was a PTA pres for two years in MS since no one volunteered for it. Of course, I had an agenda and and I wanted certain things for the students in the school. The way to go about it was through the PTA because we have a place on the table of the decision-makers. Otherwise, they will shit all over the parents.

What works is to let volunteers work on stuff that they are interested in under the umbrella of PTA. If a parent wanted to have a "Reading Night", I would make them in-charge and help them with getting the momentum for it. If someone wanted to provide teachers with a hot lunch then they became in-charge of the staff appreciation luncheon, and my help was to be there and publicize to get participation.

Every parent typically cares about one or two events that their own child cares about. Tap into this sentiment and involve them in leading that effort. You do not have to particularly have a liking for a lollipop social or icecream for all kids on the last day of MAP testing. But if a parent cares about this and want to make it happen, you provide the PTA resources (usually publicity and solicitations for funds or material) and make them the chairperson for lollipop day etc.

Similarly, if they want that kids get opportunities for education or enrichment, ask them what they have in mind and help them to make it happen. It is really not that hard.

If you cannot get the money, resources, time, or momentum from the parents for any thing as a PTA leader, then there is something very wrong in how you are communicating with them. It can be a language, personality, cultural or timing barrier, but it is there.

You sound like you were a good PTA leader, supportive and inclusive of parents but not micromanager. The school community was lucky to have you.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:The PTA moms at our school always seem very irritated. Upset that more people aren’t volunteering, annoyed that a couple board positions are unfilled… I understand that this is frustrating but this sort of behavior drives people away rather than luring them in. I’m happy to help with my time and my money but I’m not interested in sitting in meetings with other moms who want to complain all day about everything.

Are most PTAs like this?

Initially, I volunteered but found them so unpleasant to be around I stopped.

Wow that's exactly what happened to me. I'd volunteered to be in one of those roles, but the president was kind of domineering and not what one would call welcoming, so I just let her take over the role (because that's what it seemed like she wanted to do) and exited myself from the group. I was trying to make sure the security aspect was solid but encountered so much resistance that I was like forget it. I do appreciate the PTA and their efforts but I guess it's just for people who can get along with that group.

Exactly what happened to me. It was an elementary school in darnestown? Was your experience at that school…I wonder. It happened five years ago.

No it wasn't in Darnestown, but sad and yet validating to hear others experiencing the same thing. If PTAs want more volunteers/participation, they should probably look at that how the PP ran things. I'd love to help out DC's PTA but again that experience was such a negative one that I think I'm good.

[Anonymous]

DP. I completely disagree with many of these comments.

It could be that the OP's school is totally perfect and there is never an issue there.

More likely, I think the OP is describing a dysfunctional PTA that probably doesn't represent parents at all. Parents at her school will probably file complaints versus talk them through to find a solution.

I've attended a PTA meeting at one school which is very open, very active and people attend. During covid they actually TALKED about covid. When parents had problems they TALKED about problems. There were means of COMMUNICATION that parents could use.

I've attended another PTA meeting where they tried to change the bylaws so that fewer PTA members could change future bylaws because they couldn't even get their own senior members to attend. That PTA had a parent set up social media that only published "happy time feel-good" posts. It was just a "play nice" MCPS mouthpiece.

The purpose of a PTA is to represent parents on controversial issues. When you don't provide that value, of course no parent will support the PTA, and no - a PTA like that isn't representing parents at all.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:A lot of pta events are stupid wastes of time. And I don’t think ptas are the way to go to raise money for school. It’s not diffident or equitable.

I volunteer by donating to and volunteering for political candidates that want to increase school funding via taxes.

Yet another MCPS leadership troll pretending to be a real parent? I think adding money to MCPS is the last thing they need.

MCPS has a billion dollar budget and is one of the top-20 spenders per student in the U.S.. Think about that a second. Are you getting top-20 services? If not, you need to ask yourself why. I don't think it has anything to do with needing more money. I think it's all bad decision making by bad leadership and a bloated six-figure administration that isn't even competent enough to write their own curriculum materials so they have to outsource for millions of dollars. Either you pay for outsourced curriculum, or you pay for a staff to write your own. Not both.

If anything, I think they need to audit their books and fire the incompetent leadership who mismanaged a billion dollars by spending 7 million of federal covid grant money on bocce ball, discrimination training, Kid Museum (and added another, what, 2m+ on top of that? I lost count) or spending $1.8m on "Leader in Me" instead of using that money to reduce class sizes or improve academic programs, hiring a divorce litigation attorney to be in charge of spec ed concerns, gamble with our children's future by making lottery programs instead of planning and focusing on meeting educational needs.

I know the MCPS troll will now comment "oh, but I love bocce ball. Why are you so against disabled kids.. boo hoo." That's great. Go on Amazon, type in "indoor bocce ball set", click add to cart, then check out. You'll get your $50 set in a week or to.

Now, either explain to me where the other $999,9950.00 went? Also explain to me why MCPS had a record year with open Department of Education OCR cases involving special education needs not met? MCPS has lost sight of their entire reason for existence. 'nuf said.

[Anonymous]

Oh, there aren’t any dads involved with your PTA? Only resentful moms? How interesting. Our PTA has plenty of dad involvement, including on subcommittees. I guess not expecting PTA to be only women’s work cuts down on resentment in our community.

[Anonymous]

There are two types of PTAs: The one where they have so many volunteers that there is nothing for the volunteers to do so they go home and grumble about their time being wasted (me).

The other is where there are not enough volunteers and the PTA beg and plead for people to help out with events. And the PTA grumbles and complains that they don’t have enough help.

If there was only a way to match these two schools up so that the overflow volunteers can go help out at the under served schools. Like tinder for ptas …(Just kidding that would never happen.)

(Apparently there’s a third type of PTA that doesn’t even exist, this one blew my mind I thought all schools have PTAs)

[Anonymous]

Another former PTA pres. I'll admit I'm sure I was like this on occasion.It was so frustrating trying to do all the good things with very few volunteers. I was burnt out for a few years after.

There are the "career" PTA people who get a high off the power of it, but they are few. Most of us just really want to do good for the kids and teachers, and it is really hard. If everyone volunteered in some way, it wouldn't be hard. Please consider volunteering!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:A lot of pta events are stupid wastes of time. And I don’t think ptas are the way to go to raise money for school. It’s not diffident or equitable.

I volunteer by donating to and volunteering for political candidates that want to increase school funding via taxes.

Yet another MCPS leadership troll pretending to be a real parent? I think adding money to MCPS is the last thing they need.

MCPS has a billion dollar budget and is one of the top-20 spenders per student in the U.S.. Think about that a second. Are you getting top-20 services? If not, you need to ask yourself why. I don't think it has anything to do with needing more money. I think it's all bad decision making by bad leadership and a bloated six-figure administration that isn't even competent enough to write their own curriculum materials so they have to outsource for millions of dollars. Either you pay for outsourced curriculum, or you pay for a staff to write your own. Not both.

If anything, I think they need to audit their books and fire the incompetent leadership who mismanaged a billion dollars by spending 7 million of federal covid grant money on bocce ball, discrimination training, Kid Museum (and added another, what, 2m+ on top of that? I lost count) or spending $1.8m on "Leader in Me" instead of using that money to reduce class sizes or improve academic programs, hiring a divorce litigation attorney to be in charge of spec ed concerns, gamble with our children's future by making lottery programs instead of planning and focusing on meeting educational needs.

I know the MCPS troll will now comment "oh, but I love bocce ball. Why are you so against disabled kids.. boo hoo." That's great. Go on Amazon, type in "indoor bocce ball set", click add to cart, then check out. You'll get your $50 set in a week or to.

Now, either explain to me where the other $999,9950.00 went? Also explain to me why MCPS had a record year with open Department of Education OCR cases involving special education needs not met? MCPS has lost sight of their entire reason for existence. 'nuf said.

MCPS exists in one of the most expensive places to live in the country. If they're going to pay a reasonable wage, the per-pupil cost will be one of the highest.

Of course, you could always move to Mississippi or Alabama where schools don't spend so much if you like.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I was a PTSA president when my kids were in school. It was a time-consuming role. And someone will always be mad at you. But, we raised $32,000 to build a new playground. All the kids benefited from that project. The next year, we were able to put new technology in every classroom. A huge plus for our teachers.

I'll admit that I judge parents who choose not to be involved. I'm busy too. It's amazing that the busiest people I know always find time to volunteer at school.

That’s what my mother always says; the busiest people are the ones who volunteer. When my kids were in Girl Scouts, the Cookie Mom was the one who had the least flexible job.

When my dd started middle school, the PTA president addressed the parents at orientation and said that she was pregnant with her 7th child, had a full time job, and her husband was deployed. She said if she could find the time, the rest of us could too.

[Anonymous]

On my kid's PTA (I'm the secretary) we complain about the state of education in general . . . lack of funding, high stakes testing, inept school board, unapproachable principal. But we don't really complain about other parents, no.

PTAs are supposed to advocate, that's all. They're not supposed to make up for lack of funding or be in charge of programming for the school or anything like that. So anything PTAs do in that arena is gravy, not a requirement.

Maybe these PTA moms feel unappreciated, which is totally understandable. We just expect some people to do free labor out of the goodness of their hearts (which is basically what teaching is at this point). Or maybe they have anxiety about their school not being "good enough" without their efforts, so they feel like other people not volunteering is threatening their own children's experience. Who knows.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I was involved in the PTA a lot over the years.

A PP hit on something that more PTAs need to take seriously. A lot of the events they deem as important have low volunteer participation bc parents don't see the event as valuable and think oh well if it doesn't happen and if it does that's nice too. So if an event is struggling to get volunteers, just don't hold it. If there are parents who really want to volunteer they will step up but 9 times out of the 10 the time of year rolls around the next year after the event is not held, some parents ask about it, again no one is interested in volunteering, it's not held and there is far less moaning and groaning. In my experience by the next year it becomes an event that used to be done and that's that.

Sitting on the board means nothing. We have several board members who do nothing but complain and want to dictate. And, often don’t shoe up for the meetings. We’ve considered kicking them out and having the positions empty as they are so unpleasant and sabotaging rthose of us trying.