So is 40s when looks go off a cliff?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I'm 44 and will be 45 in December and this thread is scaring me😫

I'm turning 44 next week and they said all this about turning 25 and 30 and 40. Sure, we are aging but a few lines and droopy bits are not the end of the world. I was a stunner and had a lot of fun when I was younger. I'm ready for the next stage, look forward to having kids in high school and eventually college (mine are very young still), refocusing on my marriage, friends and career... What truly scares me is my parents getting sick and dying, but I am hoping for at least another good decade with them. The lines and sag you can fix if they really bother you. Don't let the rest of life pass you buy because you're 10lbs overweight or have jowels.

Ah, and I thought that too at 44 because I still looked young and healthy.

I do think aging hits people that were very attractive/beautiful harder. You notice the social clues much more and the attention you used to get. I say that as a STEM professional, athlete that always had much more going than just looks. But, I know some people that look pretty much the same at 45 that they did at 25 because they looked 45 when they were 25. It's hard to contemplate and easy to say it doesn't matter when you don't know any difference.

I would amend this. I think some people have a kind of ageless beauty that ages well. Basically, if you have great bone structure, your odds of aging well go WAY up. Some people with good bone structure actually look better as they age because they lose that layer of fat from youth and it reveals really beautiful features underneath.

Other people's looks rely on stuff other than bone structure. Some women have very youthful looking faces (heart shaped "baby" faces, plump cheeks). Or they have curvy figures with great cleavage and a great butt. Or their looks rely a lot on upkeep -- perfectly styled hair, skill with makeup, knowing how to dress themselves. All of this can age poorly. If your looks rely on plump cheeks, you are going to go from looking young for your age to looking old as soon as you lose the fat there. A curvy figure is so hard to maintain in middle age, especially if you are under 5'3", and it might just 10-15 lbs that make the difference between hot and heavy. And some women don't know how to adjust their styling as they age. You can't wear as much makeup in middle age, it settles and ages you further. Older hair doesn't respond the same way to color or styling. And there's this dance with clothing, too -- if you keep dressing in very on-trend fashion it can make you look like you are trying too hard, plus lots of fashions that look youthful on women in their 20s are actually aging on older women, like the prairie dresses or wide leg pants of recent years.

Beauty is beauty. If you have a striking face and beautiful features, you aren't going to suddenly lose them when you turn 40. But a lot of people's looks aren't actually based on beautiful features. They are based on youth and body type and styling. Aging give it away, unfortunately.

That is me! I hated my 'chipmunk cheeks' and super round face all the way into my mid 20s. But, as I aged my high cheekbones and jawline became more prevalent. It was funny how I had to beat men away with a stick starting around age 25/26--not in high school or college. Late bloomer. And, I don't look gaunt or skeletor since I lost volume in my face that I could stand losing.

And I wish I could get my chipmunk cheeks back! My face looked so good while I was pregnant, but any other time I gain weight it goes to my hips and not my face.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I'm 44 and will be 45 in December and this thread is scaring me😫

I'm turning 44 next week and they said all this about turning 25 and 30 and 40. Sure, we are aging but a few lines and droopy bits are not the end of the world. I was a stunner and had a lot of fun when I was younger. I'm ready for the next stage, look forward to having kids in high school and eventually college (mine are very young still), refocusing on my marriage, friends and career... What truly scares me is my parents getting sick and dying, but I am hoping for at least another good decade with them. The lines and sag you can fix if they really bother you. Don't let the rest of life pass you buy because you're 10lbs overweight or have jowels.

Ah, and I thought that too at 44 because I still looked young and healthy.

I do think aging hits people that were very attractive/beautiful harder. You notice the social clues much more and the attention you used to get. I say that as a STEM professional, athlete that always had much more going than just looks. But, I know some people that look pretty much the same at 45 that they did at 25 because they looked 45 when they were 25. It's hard to contemplate and easy to say it doesn't matter when you don't know any difference.

I would amend this. I think some people have a kind of ageless beauty that ages well. Basically, if you have great bone structure, your odds of aging well go WAY up. Some people with good bone structure actually look better as they age because they lose that layer of fat from youth and it reveals really beautiful features underneath.

Other people's looks rely on stuff other than bone structure. Some women have very youthful looking faces (heart shaped "baby" faces, plump cheeks). Or they have curvy figures with great cleavage and a great butt. Or their looks rely a lot on upkeep -- perfectly styled hair, skill with makeup, knowing how to dress themselves. All of this can age poorly. If your looks rely on plump cheeks, you are going to go from looking young for your age to looking old as soon as you lose the fat there. A curvy figure is so hard to maintain in middle age, especially if you are under 5'3", and it might just 10-15 lbs that make the difference between hot and heavy. And some women don't know how to adjust their styling as they age. You can't wear as much makeup in middle age, it settles and ages you further. Older hair doesn't respond the same way to color or styling. And there's this dance with clothing, too -- if you keep dressing in very on-trend fashion it can make you look like you are trying too hard, plus lots of fashions that look youthful on women in their 20s are actually aging on older women, like the prairie dresses or wide leg pants of recent years.

Beauty is beauty. If you have a striking face and beautiful features, you aren't going to suddenly lose them when you turn 40. But a lot of people's looks aren't actually based on beautiful features. They are based on youth and body type and styling. Aging give it away, unfortunately.

That is me! I hated my 'chipmunk cheeks' and super round face all the way into my mid 20s. But, as I aged my high cheekbones and jawline became more prevalent. It was funny how I had to beat men away with a stick starting around age 25/26--not in high school or college. Late bloomer. And, I don't look gaunt or skeletor since I lost volume in my face that I could stand losing.

And I wish I could get my chipmunk cheeks back! My face looked so good while I was pregnant, but any other time I gain weight it goes to my hips and not my face.

DP and I am the opposite -- I hated my pregnancy chipmunk cheeks (which also came with a pregnancy double chin), and I look so much better without the extra fat. But I do have high cheekbones and a nice jaw line.

[Anonymous]

It’s the age plus you having last seen her when she she was (much?) younger.

My aesthetician has always told me beware of 40s. The drop on hormones does a number on your face. Collagen and cell turn over decrease my a lot in your 40s.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I'm 44 and will be 45 in December and this thread is scaring me😫

I'm turning 44 next week and they said all this about turning 25 and 30 and 40. Sure, we are aging but a few lines and droopy bits are not the end of the world. I was a stunner and had a lot of fun when I was younger. I'm ready for the next stage, look forward to having kids in high school and eventually college (mine are very young still), refocusing on my marriage, friends and career... What truly scares me is my parents getting sick and dying, but I am hoping for at least another good decade with them. The lines and sag you can fix if they really bother you. Don't let the rest of life pass you buy because you're 10lbs overweight or have jowels.

Ah, and I thought that too at 44 because I still looked young and healthy.

I do think aging hits people that were very attractive/beautiful harder. You notice the social clues much more and the attention you used to get. I say that as a STEM professional, athlete that always had much more going than just looks. But, I know some people that look pretty much the same at 45 that they did at 25 because they looked 45 when they were 25. It's hard to contemplate and easy to say it doesn't matter when you don't know any difference.

I would amend this. I think some people have a kind of ageless beauty that ages well. Basically, if you have great bone structure, your odds of aging well go WAY up. Some people with good bone structure actually look better as they age because they lose that layer of fat from youth and it reveals really beautiful features underneath.

Other people's looks rely on stuff other than bone structure. Some women have very youthful looking faces (heart shaped "baby" faces, plump cheeks). Or they have curvy figures with great cleavage and a great butt. Or their looks rely a lot on upkeep -- perfectly styled hair, skill with makeup, knowing how to dress themselves. All of this can age poorly. If your looks rely on plump cheeks, you are going to go from looking young for your age to looking old as soon as you lose the fat there. A curvy figure is so hard to maintain in middle age, especially if you are under 5'3", and it might just 10-15 lbs that make the difference between hot and heavy. And some women don't know how to adjust their styling as they age. You can't wear as much makeup in middle age, it settles and ages you further. Older hair doesn't respond the same way to color or styling. And there's this dance with clothing, too -- if you keep dressing in very on-trend fashion it can make you look like you are trying too hard, plus lots of fashions that look youthful on women in their 20s are actually aging on older women, like the prairie dresses or wide leg pants of recent years.

Beauty is beauty. If you have a striking face and beautiful features, you aren't going to suddenly lose them when you turn 40. But a lot of people's looks aren't actually based on beautiful features. They are based on youth and body type and styling. Aging give it away, unfortunately.

That is me! I hated my 'chipmunk cheeks' and super round face all the way into my mid 20s. But, as I aged my high cheekbones and jawline became more prevalent. It was funny how I had to beat men away with a stick starting around age 25/26--not in high school or college. Late bloomer. And, I don't look gaunt or skeletor since I lost volume in my face that I could stand losing.

And I wish I could get my chipmunk cheeks back! My face looked so good while I was pregnant, but any other time I gain weight it goes to my hips and not my face.

DP and I am the opposite -- I hated my pregnancy chipmunk cheeks (which also came with a pregnancy double chin), and I look so much better without the extra fat. But I do have high cheekbones and a nice jaw line.

Ha! I am the 'chipmunk cheek' poster and I looked like "Fat Bastard" from the Austin Powers movie when pregnant. They chins and cheeks became even more prominent. The difference post-partum and during pregnancy is crazy.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I'm 54 and post menopause. The utter absence of estrogen is an -enormous- game changer for looks (skin, hair, muscles aka 'staying fit', collagen [jowls]).

I looked fine-to-good from 45-52 because I "took care of myself" like so many PPs prescribe, and I did a little botox and fillers and yoga and vegetarian diet. Fine. I STILL do that and look like saggy crepey crap because estrogen


IME, menopause is the actual cliff. the 40s are just kind of a gentle slope down in comparison

+100

My sister is 55 and not in menopause yet and still looks great/the same.

I am 52,5 and not in menopause yet either--awful periods but hearing from my friends and seeing how they literally changed overnight I will ride these painful periods out as long as I can.

Totally agree. Your looks are largely influenced by estrogen and when you enter peri menopause/menopause. There is a very stark before and after.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I think there are two factors here: how old you look and how good you look.

I think trying to look young is a fool's errand. We all have to get okay with looking our age. I mean, what's the goal there, really. For people to say "oh wow, I had no idea how old you actually are?" It doesn't change how old you actually are. Yes, there is age discrimination but I also think women experience age discrimination for being young or being the age where they are likely to have kids. People don't take women as seriously in general and especially not young women. I have actually found that professionally, age has come with a bit more respect and maybe some actual gravitas because people no longer treat me like the new girl (something I got well into my 30s).

I just want to look good and healthy, and I think I do. For me it's about getting enough sleep, drinking little to no alcohol (to be honest I never really regained a tolerance for it after having kids and it's also a migraine trigger, so this was pretty easy), eating properly (NOT calorie restricting but avoiding too many refined sugars and making sure I'm getting nutrient rich foods, I don't think restrictive dieting makes you look healthy even if it makes you look thin), and doing regular, sustainable exercise. I love yoga and barre and hiking at this age. I still run but I'm very gentle about it -- I run slow and if my knees or hips are bothering me, I walk instead and then do some yoga to help with the joint pain.

I am 49 and I think I look 49. But I also think I look great -- healthy and happy. I have wrinkles and am starting to get jowels, but my skin is pink and healthy and moisturized and I take care with my appearance, making sure my hair looks nice (I do glosses to keep it looking shiny and healthy but don't cover my grays), wearing clothes that flatter and make me feel good, and paying attention to details like my eyebrows and my nails.

My looks idol as I age is Helen Mirren, not Taylor Swift. I am done being young. That doesn't mean I have to look ugly or haggard. I mean look at this woman:

YES. Thank you! This is what I was really trying to say. I'm the PP turning 44 next week. I look 44. I am happy.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I'm 44 and will be 45 in December and this thread is scaring me😫

I'm turning 44 next week and they said all this about turning 25 and 30 and 40. Sure, we are aging but a few lines and droopy bits are not the end of the world. I was a stunner and had a lot of fun when I was younger. I'm ready for the next stage, look forward to having kids in high school and eventually college (mine are very young still), refocusing on my marriage, friends and career... What truly scares me is my parents getting sick and dying, but I am hoping for at least another good decade with them. The lines and sag you can fix if they really bother you. Don't let the rest of life pass you buy because you're 10lbs overweight or have jowels.

Ah, and I thought that too at 44 because I still looked young and healthy.

I do think aging hits people that were very attractive/beautiful harder. You notice the social clues much more and the attention you used to get. I say that as a STEM professional, athlete that always had much more going than just looks. But, I know some people that look pretty much the same at 45 that they did at 25 because they looked 45 when they were 25. It's hard to contemplate and easy to say it doesn't matter when you don't know any difference.

I would amend this. I think some people have a kind of ageless beauty that ages well. Basically, if you have great bone structure, your odds of aging well go WAY up. Some people with good bone structure actually look better as they age because they lose that layer of fat from youth and it reveals really beautiful features underneath.

Other people's looks rely on stuff other than bone structure. Some women have very youthful looking faces (heart shaped "baby" faces, plump cheeks). Or they have curvy figures with great cleavage and a great butt. Or their looks rely a lot on upkeep -- perfectly styled hair, skill with makeup, knowing how to dress themselves. All of this can age poorly. If your looks rely on plump cheeks, you are going to go from looking young for your age to looking old as soon as you lose the fat there. A curvy figure is so hard to maintain in middle age, especially if you are under 5'3", and it might just 10-15 lbs that make the difference between hot and heavy. And some women don't know how to adjust their styling as they age. You can't wear as much makeup in middle age, it settles and ages you further. Older hair doesn't respond the same way to color or styling. And there's this dance with clothing, too -- if you keep dressing in very on-trend fashion it can make you look like you are trying too hard, plus lots of fashions that look youthful on women in their 20s are actually aging on older women, like the prairie dresses or wide leg pants of recent years.

Beauty is beauty. If you have a striking face and beautiful features, you aren't going to suddenly lose them when you turn 40. But a lot of people's looks aren't actually based on beautiful features. They are based on youth and body type and styling. Aging give it away, unfortunately.

That is me! I hated my 'chipmunk cheeks' and super round face all the way into my mid 20s. But, as I aged my high cheekbones and jawline became more prevalent. It was funny how I had to beat men away with a stick starting around age 25/26--not in high school or college. Late bloomer. And, I don't look gaunt or skeletor since I lost volume in my face that I could stand losing.

And I wish I could get my chipmunk cheeks back! My face looked so good while I was pregnant, but any other time I gain weight it goes to my hips and not my face.

DP and I am the opposite -- I hated my pregnancy chipmunk cheeks (which also came with a pregnancy double chin), and I look so much better without the extra fat. But I do have high cheekbones and a nice jaw line.

Same. I rejoiced when my face thinned out in late 20s.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I would say late 40s

Yup. I was a babe at 42. Now I'm 47 and feel like I look like that woman's mother.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I am not mentally ready for botox/fillers/surgery. What else can I do at this point?

Love yourself. You’re above ground, your face is who you are and we should not need to pretend to look “young” for our entire lives. It’s psychotic.

Fillers look so bad. As much as “I’m 50 but I look 30!” is a trope on here, so is “my fillers look amazing and everyone tells me so and no one can tell!” I just met a woman who couldn’t be more than 50, probably closer to 45, and she’s lineless, yes, but she doesn’t look good. She doesn’t even have crazy fillers, she just looks bad.

And if you really can’t accept yourself, just get a facelift. Done right, that’s something that turns back the clock and doesn’t make you look like a freaky bag of wax in the bargain.

I did quite a bit of filler pre-pandemic, and everyone swore to me that I looked good, but I've seen too many weird looking celebrities to believe them. I decided to lay off of it for a few years at least. Maybe there will be something better by then, or maybe I won't care. I'm still doing botox but less of it and less often.

[Anonymous]

Over 45 was when it all went off a cliff. I'm 48. The difference was stark and quick.

[Anonymous]

American women should watch more foreign movies and TV series. There are a lot of chic, sexy and not totally plastic looking older women to admire. It's hard when we have JLo as our one and only model of an attractive older woman. Go look up photos of Lena Olin, Kristin Scott Thomas, Juliette Binoche, Philippine Leroy-Beaulieu, Veronica Falcon, Shohreh Aghdashloo, Sonia Braga. They're all beautiful.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I would say late 40s

Yup. I was a babe at 42. Now I'm 47 and feel like I look like that woman's mother.

Same here.
When I was 42 I looked 32. I got called "Miss" and "young lady" and "girl" by everyone in shops, restaurants, etc. Every.single.interaction.

Now I'm 47. I haven't heard any of the above in several years. It is "m'am" all the time. When I look in the mirror it's like I've aged 15 years.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Remember that period in middle school when girls looked totally different because not everyone had been through puberty? Some girls looked like little kids and some looked like grown women.
40-55 is sort of like that in slow motion. A lot depends on how the hormones hit and when.

Good analogy!

[Anonymous]

Aging definitely isn't slow and steady, there are cliffs. My oldest is about to graduate college, we still run into families from pre-school. There was a period when I would spot a parent who was familiar and start hunting for their kid in the crowd, and be astonished by how they were almost unrecognizable. Then somewhere along the way it switched. I see a kid who is familiar only to realize the parent standing with them is completely unfamiliar. It's the dads, too, if anything they're worse.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:American women should watch more foreign movies and TV series. There are a lot of chic, sexy and not totally plastic looking older women to admire. It's hard when we have JLo as our one and only model of an attractive older woman. Go look up photos of Lena Olin, Kristin Scott Thomas, Juliette Binoche, Philippine Leroy-Beaulieu, Veronica Falcon, Shohreh Aghdashloo, Sonia Braga. They're all beautiful.

I needed this. Aging terrifies me