So is 40s when looks go off a cliff?

[Anonymous]

Saw a friend I hadn’t seen in a while yesterday and I couldn’t believe how old she looked. Not bad, just old. She is only 41 (and younger than me), but has put on a little weight and her face just looks… old. Noticeable jowels, broken capillaries around her nose, that kind frosmy face with the pulled down lips that middle aged women sometimes get.

To be clear, I’m not criticizing her or comparing myself— I bet I looked old to her too. I was just taken aback. She has always been a pretty woman who takes above-average care of her looks. Is it just too much to fight at this age? I’m sure she does expensive skin care and she’s talked about doing procedures too (and has the money for it) so this is not a lack of upkeep issue.

[Anonymous]

I mean, everyone here on DCUM swears they look 20 years younger and still get carded in their 40s. Of course any other woman their DH looks at looks terrible and old for her age.

[Anonymous]

I'm in this age group. This is when it really separates. Those who take care of themselves and have good genes can look great. Then there's those who don't.

I met up with some high school friend i Hadn't seen in years. We're all in our mid-40s. It was amazing the range. Some looked 10 years old, and some looked 10 years younger. It's clear who exercises regularly, eats well, etc. It really makes a difference at that age.

[Anonymous]

I think the covid quarantine aged a lot of people. I am 50 and felt like I looked 40 before covid, but now I look 60.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I think the covid quarantine aged a lot of people. I am 50 and felt like I looked 40 before covid, but now I look 60.

This happened to me too

[Anonymous]

Sometimes.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I'm in this age group. This is when it really separates. Those who take care of themselves and have good genes can look great. Then there's those who don't.

I met up with some high school friend i Hadn't seen in years. We're all in our mid-40s. It was amazing the range. Some looked 10 years old, and some looked 10 years younger. It's clear who exercises regularly, eats well, etc. It really makes a difference at that age.

I'm only 40 so I say this knowing things could change a lot this decade, but my sense is that at this point in life, looks are more correlated to lifestyle and wealth. If you eat a healthy diet, exercise, get botox and other skin treatments as needed, have great teeth and posture, color your hair, dress well, use light makeup tastefully, you can look great. I was just average in high school but I think I look better now than many of my friends who were above average back then.

[Anonymous]

My 50-year-old cousin is clearly self-conscious about her age because she makes a point every time the cousins meet up to tell us how someone said she looks like she's in her 20s and blah blah.

If only she could hear the pin drop and radio silence from the group with no one agreeing, she might understand that she looks every bit of her 50 years. So weird how folks can delude themselves to believe anything.

[Anonymous]

I think it’s mostly genes. My mother is 78 and has looked consistently looked much younger than her true age. Unfortunately I look like my father

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I think it’s mostly genes. My mother is 78 and has looked consistently looked much younger than her true age. Unfortunately I look like my father

My mom has always looked very young for her age but she’s also been seriously overweight since she was in her late 30s (like with the hypertension and Type 2 diabetes to go with it). I have stayed very active to avoid this (I like to eat) and I think I have the right habits because in my mid-40s my weight is in check. I assume this will mean losing some of my mom’s “youthful” looks but the trade off is worth it. I’d rather be healthy than beautiful.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I think it’s mostly genes. My mother is 78 and has looked consistently looked much younger than her true age. Unfortunately I look like my father

Similar. My mom has aged really well. I unfortunately have my dad's genes. The 40s have not been kind.

[Anonymous]

I would say late 40s

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I mean, everyone here on DCUM swears they look 20 years younger and still get carded in their 40s. Of course any other woman their DH looks at looks terrible and old for her age.

God, this. And that they have the most style and blah blah blah. I’m looking around at school pick up and … no. Just no. You all look your age and for those that are so proud they don’t wear makeup and don’t need to, you do, and no, the jeans you got at the teen store at the mall aren’t super flattering. You’re just delusional. And you don’t need to feel bad about yourself. But no, you don’t look so incredible and better than everyone else either. Find the nice reality.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I mean, everyone here on DCUM swears they look 20 years younger and still get carded in their 40s. Of course any other woman their DH looks at looks terrible and old for her age.

God, this. And that they have the most style and blah blah blah. I’m looking around at school pick up and … no. Just no. You all look your age and for those that are so proud they don’t wear makeup and don’t need to, you do, and no, the jeans you got at the teen store at the mall aren’t super flattering. You’re just delusional. And you don’t need to feel bad about yourself. But no, you don’t look so incredible and better than everyone else either. Find the nice reality.

Jesus. How much real estate does “looking around at school pick up” take up in your head? I can’t imagine being that distressed about how other women look.

[Anonymous]

I think your lifestyle starts to show up a lot more at 40. Saw this with my mom. Heavy drinker but didn’t show at all until age 40. From 40-45, it was shocking. It’s like it all caught up and she aged those 20 years she’d been drinking heavily in just 5. She was absolutely stunning but even now at 59, I see how she would’ve aged differently in different circumstances.

Anyway, I saw this and at age 30 committed to weight training, sleep, eating healthy, minimizing alcohol. However, I’m 37, so idk if my theory is sound until I turn 40. If I start aging as rapidly as she did it will be more genetics than lifestyle I suppose.