So is 40s when looks go off a cliff?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I'm 54 and post menopause. The utter absence of estrogen is an -enormous- game changer for looks (skin, hair, muscles aka 'staying fit', collagen [jowls]).

I looked fine-to-good from 45-52 because I "took care of myself" like so many PPs prescribe, and I did a little botox and fillers and yoga and vegetarian diet. Fine. I STILL do that and look like saggy crepey crap because estrogen


IME, menopause is the actual cliff. the 40s are just kind of a gentle slope down in comparison

+100

My sister is 55 and not in menopause yet and still looks great/the same.

I am 52,5 and not in menopause yet either--awful periods but hearing from my friends and seeing how they literally changed overnight I will ride these painful periods out as long as I can.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:In my experience, looks really start to go downhill after 45. I'm 47 and have watched about 50 friends age. At 40-43 or so, many looked indistinguishable from 35. Then aging hit and it's been striking.

Yup. Every year between 46 and 50 is brutal.

I see this with co-workers too. I've been at my job for 27 years and don't even recognize some co-workers anymore.

Post 50 is really the great divide. I see some people that can pass as 45 and others look 65-70 at 55. It's really crazy.

My parents looked very young for their age. At 76 when he passed away from cancer my dad barely had any grey hair, great olive skin and until the end he walked and moved 50 years younger. I took my 78-year old mother to a 'senior' community to see about moving and she did not look like she belonged there. She looked about 20 years younger than everyone her age. She can run up steps, mow the lawn, she colors her hair and dresses chic. Age-wise she's ready, but the people the same age as her were much more 'aged'.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:In my experience, looks really start to go downhill after 45. I'm 47 and have watched about 50 friends age. At 40-43 or so, many looked indistinguishable from 35. Then aging hit and it's been striking.

Yup. Every year between 46 and 50 is brutal.

I see this with co-workers too. I've been at my job for 27 years and don't even recognize some co-workers anymore.

Post 50 is really the great divide. I see some people that can pass as 45 and others look 65-70 at 55. It's really crazy.

My parents looked very young for their age. At 76 when he passed away from cancer my dad barely had any grey hair, great olive skin and until the end he walked and moved 50 years younger. I took my 78-year old mother to a 'senior' community to see about moving and she did not look like she belonged there. She looked about 20 years younger than everyone her age. She can run up steps, mow the lawn, she colors her hair and dresses chic. Age-wise she's ready, but the people the same age as her were much more 'aged'.

*not 50 years younger 20..like someone in their 50s not 70s.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I'm 44 and will be 45 in December and this thread is scaring me😫

I'm turning 44 next week and they said all this about turning 25 and 30 and 40. Sure, we are aging but a few lines and droopy bits are not the end of the world. I was a stunner and had a lot of fun when I was younger. I'm ready for the next stage, look forward to having kids in high school and eventually college (mine are very young still), refocusing on my marriage, friends and career... What truly scares me is my parents getting sick and dying, but I am hoping for at least another good decade with them. The lines and sag you can fix if they really bother you. Don't let the rest of life pass you buy because you're 10lbs overweight or have jowels.

Ah, and I thought that too at 44 because I still looked young and healthy.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I'm 44 and will be 45 in December and this thread is scaring me😫

I'm turning 44 next week and they said all this about turning 25 and 30 and 40. Sure, we are aging but a few lines and droopy bits are not the end of the world. I was a stunner and had a lot of fun when I was younger. I'm ready for the next stage, look forward to having kids in high school and eventually college (mine are very young still), refocusing on my marriage, friends and career... What truly scares me is my parents getting sick and dying, but I am hoping for at least another good decade with them. The lines and sag you can fix if they really bother you. Don't let the rest of life pass you buy because you're 10lbs overweight or have jowels.

Ah, and I thought that too at 44 because I still looked young and healthy.

I do think aging hits people that were very attractive/beautiful harder. You notice the social clues much more and the attention you used to get. I say that as a STEM professional, athlete that always had much more going than just looks. But, I know some people that look pretty much the same at 45 that they did at 25 because they looked 45 when they were 25. It's hard to contemplate and easy to say it doesn't matter when you don't know any difference.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I'm 44 and will be 45 in December and this thread is scaring me😫

I'm turning 44 next week and they said all this about turning 25 and 30 and 40. Sure, we are aging but a few lines and droopy bits are not the end of the world. I was a stunner and had a lot of fun when I was younger. I'm ready for the next stage, look forward to having kids in high school and eventually college (mine are very young still), refocusing on my marriage, friends and career... What truly scares me is my parents getting sick and dying, but I am hoping for at least another good decade with them. The lines and sag you can fix if they really bother you. Don't let the rest of life pass you buy because you're 10lbs overweight or have jowels.

Ah, and I thought that too at 44 because I still looked young and healthy.

I do think aging hits people that were very attractive/beautiful harder. You notice the social clues much more and the attention you used to get. I say that as a STEM professional, athlete that always had much more going than just looks. But, I know some people that look pretty much the same at 45 that they did at 25 because they looked 45 when they were 25. It's hard to contemplate and easy to say it doesn't matter when you don't know any difference.

Yes, I hear you. I've never felt pretty and have always been one of those well-rounded types you referenced. But recently I looked back at pictures from my teens, 20s, 30s, and even early 40s, and I am struck. I looked way better than I thought at the time. It feels almost like I wasted something I [briefly] had.

[Anonymous]

I think there are two factors here: how old you look and how good you look.

I think trying to look young is a fool's errand. We all have to get okay with looking our age. I mean, what's the goal there, really. For people to say "oh wow, I had no idea how old you actually are?" It doesn't change how old you actually are. Yes, there is age discrimination but I also think women experience age discrimination for being young or being the age where they are likely to have kids. People don't take women as seriously in general and especially not young women. I have actually found that professionally, age has come with a bit more respect and maybe some actual gravitas because people no longer treat me like the new girl (something I got well into my 30s).

I just want to look good and healthy, and I think I do. For me it's about getting enough sleep, drinking little to no alcohol (to be honest I never really regained a tolerance for it after having kids and it's also a migraine trigger, so this was pretty easy), eating properly (NOT calorie restricting but avoiding too many refined sugars and making sure I'm getting nutrient rich foods, I don't think restrictive dieting makes you look healthy even if it makes you look thin), and doing regular, sustainable exercise. I love yoga and barre and hiking at this age. I still run but I'm very gentle about it -- I run slow and if my knees or hips are bothering me, I walk instead and then do some yoga to help with the joint pain.

I am 49 and I think I look 49. But I also think I look great -- healthy and happy. I have wrinkles and am starting to get jowels, but my skin is pink and healthy and moisturized and I take care with my appearance, making sure my hair looks nice (I do glosses to keep it looking shiny and healthy but don't cover my grays), wearing clothes that flatter and make me feel good, and paying attention to details like my eyebrows and my nails.

My looks idol as I age is Helen Mirren, not Taylor Swift. I am done being young. That doesn't mean I have to look ugly or haggard. I mean look at this woman:

[Anonymous]

I find all the comments about not drinking pretty interesting. In real life, I drink very little but I find that I am usually the one in a professional or social setting.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I find all the comments about not drinking pretty interesting. In real life, I drink very little but I find that I am usually the _only_ one in a professional or social setting.

Fixed a missing word.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I'm 44 and will be 45 in December and this thread is scaring me😫

I'm turning 44 next week and they said all this about turning 25 and 30 and 40. Sure, we are aging but a few lines and droopy bits are not the end of the world. I was a stunner and had a lot of fun when I was younger. I'm ready for the next stage, look forward to having kids in high school and eventually college (mine are very young still), refocusing on my marriage, friends and career... What truly scares me is my parents getting sick and dying, but I am hoping for at least another good decade with them. The lines and sag you can fix if they really bother you. Don't let the rest of life pass you buy because you're 10lbs overweight or have jowels.

Ah, and I thought that too at 44 because I still looked young and healthy.

I do think aging hits people that were very attractive/beautiful harder. You notice the social clues much more and the attention you used to get. I say that as a STEM professional, athlete that always had much more going than just looks. But, I know some people that look pretty much the same at 45 that they did at 25 because they looked 45 when they were 25. It's hard to contemplate and easy to say it doesn't matter when you don't know any difference.

I would amend this. I think some people have a kind of ageless beauty that ages well. Basically, if you have great bone structure, your odds of aging well go WAY up. Some people with good bone structure actually look better as they age because they lose that layer of fat from youth and it reveals really beautiful features underneath.

Other people's looks rely on stuff other than bone structure. Some women have very youthful looking faces (heart shaped "baby" faces, plump cheeks). Or they have curvy figures with great cleavage and a great butt. Or their looks rely a lot on upkeep -- perfectly styled hair, skill with makeup, knowing how to dress themselves. All of this can age poorly. If your looks rely on plump cheeks, you are going to go from looking young for your age to looking old as soon as you lose the fat there. A curvy figure is so hard to maintain in middle age, especially if you are under 5'3", and it might just 10-15 lbs that make the difference between hot and heavy. And some women don't know how to adjust their styling as they age. You can't wear as much makeup in middle age, it settles and ages you further. Older hair doesn't respond the same way to color or styling. And there's this dance with clothing, too -- if you keep dressing in very on-trend fashion it can make you look like you are trying too hard, plus lots of fashions that look youthful on women in their 20s are actually aging on older women, like the prairie dresses or wide leg pants of recent years.

Beauty is beauty. If you have a striking face and beautiful features, you aren't going to suddenly lose them when you turn 40. But a lot of people's looks aren't actually based on beautiful features. They are based on youth and body type and styling. Aging give it away, unfortunately.

[Anonymous]

Remember that period in middle school when girls looked totally different because not everyone had been through puberty? Some girls looked like little kids and some looked like grown women.
40-55 is sort of like that in slow motion. A lot depends on how the hormones hit and when.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I find all the comments about not drinking pretty interesting. In real life, I drink very little but I find that I am usually the only one in a professional or social setting.

It's a huge factor. I'd be curious to know the drinking habits of some of the people who say that Covid aged them a lot. There is nothing quite like heavy drinking for a year or more to age you right up. It's dehydrating, can cause swelling/redness/puffiness, and is a major factor in weight gain. If you are in your 40s and drinking multiple nights a week, and regularly drinking more than one drink on any given night, then no amount of retinol or Botox or pescatarianism or barre classes are going to help you.

I don't drink so when I go out I often order a soda, and I can't tell you how often people will say something to me like "oh wow, you drink soda? it's sooooo bad for you. how do you stay thin?" while drinking their third beer of the evening or having some sugar-filled mixed drink. I just smile and enjoy my Coke.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Remember that period in middle school when girls looked totally different because not everyone had been through puberty? Some girls looked like little kids and some looked like grown women.
40-55 is sort of like that in slow motion. A lot depends on how the hormones hit and when.

Ok, this one made me laugh out loud.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I'm 44 and will be 45 in December and this thread is scaring me😫

I'm turning 44 next week and they said all this about turning 25 and 30 and 40. Sure, we are aging but a few lines and droopy bits are not the end of the world. I was a stunner and had a lot of fun when I was younger. I'm ready for the next stage, look forward to having kids in high school and eventually college (mine are very young still), refocusing on my marriage, friends and career... What truly scares me is my parents getting sick and dying, but I am hoping for at least another good decade with them. The lines and sag you can fix if they really bother you. Don't let the rest of life pass you buy because you're 10lbs overweight or have jowels.

Ah, and I thought that too at 44 because I still looked young and healthy.

I do think aging hits people that were very attractive/beautiful harder. You notice the social clues much more and the attention you used to get. I say that as a STEM professional, athlete that always had much more going than just looks. But, I know some people that look pretty much the same at 45 that they did at 25 because they looked 45 when they were 25. It's hard to contemplate and easy to say it doesn't matter when you don't know any difference.

I would amend this. I think some people have a kind of ageless beauty that ages well. Basically, if you have great bone structure, your odds of aging well go WAY up. Some people with good bone structure actually look better as they age because they lose that layer of fat from youth and it reveals really beautiful features underneath.

Other people's looks rely on stuff other than bone structure. Some women have very youthful looking faces (heart shaped "baby" faces, plump cheeks). Or they have curvy figures with great cleavage and a great butt. Or their looks rely a lot on upkeep -- perfectly styled hair, skill with makeup, knowing how to dress themselves. All of this can age poorly. If your looks rely on plump cheeks, you are going to go from looking young for your age to looking old as soon as you lose the fat there. A curvy figure is so hard to maintain in middle age, especially if you are under 5'3", and it might just 10-15 lbs that make the difference between hot and heavy. And some women don't know how to adjust their styling as they age. You can't wear as much makeup in middle age, it settles and ages you further. Older hair doesn't respond the same way to color or styling. And there's this dance with clothing, too -- if you keep dressing in very on-trend fashion it can make you look like you are trying too hard, plus lots of fashions that look youthful on women in their 20s are actually aging on older women, like the prairie dresses or wide leg pants of recent years.

Beauty is beauty. If you have a striking face and beautiful features, you aren't going to suddenly lose them when you turn 40. But a lot of people's looks aren't actually based on beautiful features. They are based on youth and body type and styling. Aging give it away, unfortunately.

That is me! I hated my 'chipmunk cheeks' and super round face all the way into my mid 20s. But, as I aged my high cheekbones and jawline became more prevalent. It was funny how I had to beat men away with a stick starting around age 25/26--not in high school or college. Late bloomer. And, I don't look gaunt or skeletor since I lost volume in my face that I could stand losing.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Remember that period in middle school when girls looked totally different because not everyone had been through puberty? Some girls looked like little kids and some looked like grown women.
40-55 is sort of like that in slow motion. A lot depends on how the hormones hit and when.

Ok, this one made me laugh out loud.

My poor Freshmen son is that little kid with friends that look 18. It is such a wide variation on his sports team. It's like 6th graders playing with college kids.