So is 40s when looks go off a cliff?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I'm 54 and post menopause. The utter absence of estrogen is an -enormous- game changer for looks (skin, hair, muscles aka 'staying fit', collagen [jowls]).

I looked fine-to-good from 45-52 because I "took care of myself" like so many PPs prescribe, and I did a little botox and fillers and yoga and vegetarian diet. Fine. I STILL do that and look like saggy crepey crap because estrogen


IME, menopause is the actual cliff. the 40s are just kind of a gentle slope down in comparison

Did you try HRT? I just got put on hormones and am optimistic so far. The difference in my energy and sleep levels alone are helpful

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:So one area I really notice is that my neck and collarbones look really...sinewy and skinny and old. Not in a good way, either.

Look at Kate Moss and Paris Hilton at Milan Fashion week. Beautiful, but you see the neck in older women is where age starts to show.

With today's photo filters, everyone is presented with unrealistic images of celebrities. It's pretty amazing when you see the 'untouched' photos.

https://www.cnn.com/style/article/milan-fashion-week-ss23-highlights/index.html

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I am not mentally ready for botox/fillers/surgery. What else can I do at this point?

What makes you feel not ready? Honestly, Botox and fillers can make a HUGE difference as well as having great skin.

I’ve gotten Botox for over a decade but in the last year or so I added a little filler, as well as red light therapy, and when I see people I haven’t seen since pre covid everyone comments that I look “glowy” or healthier etc. I also got veneers and 2 dental implants.

You should get a consult and go from there. There’s nothing topical that will make a big difference.

Thanks, I appreciate the honesty about topical treatments. As for why I am not ready? I guess that I feel there is a bridge between putting something on your body (e.g., topicals, hair color, clothes) and putting/modify something in my body. Truthfully I haven't parse this out before.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:So one area I really notice is that my neck and collarbones look really...sinewy and skinny and old. Not in a good way, either.

Look at Kate Moss and Paris Hilton at Milan Fashion week. Beautiful, but you see the neck in older women is where age starts to show.

With today's photo filters, everyone is presented with unrealistic images of celebrities. It's pretty amazing when you see the 'untouched' photos.

https://www.cnn.com/style/article/milan-fashion-week-ss23-highlights/index.html

I have that exact neck now (49 now). Is there anything that can be done though? I can’t even imagine surgery could take away the sinewy look

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:
Look at Kate Moss and Paris Hilton at Milan Fashion week. Beautiful, but you see the neck in older women is where age starts to show.

With today's photo filters, everyone is presented with unrealistic images of celebrities. It's pretty amazing when you see the 'untouched' photos.

https://www.cnn.com/style/article/milan-fashion-week-ss23-highlights/index.html

Umm- years of heroin embalmed Kate Moss and Paris Hilton has been using fillers and tucked everything since she was 19… there is almost nothing real left there. Objectively, they make clothes look nice though. Models exist for clothes to look good- they are walking hangers.

I am 49, a brown skinned Asian and a lot more curvy (like 25 lbs more) than I was in my 30s. It’s nice to have boobs for the first time in my life and an actual ass. I look like a woman. Looking at photos, I was a cute girl when I was younger and grateful for that experience.

For me, it’s about timing. I indulge in a ‘tox treatment guilt free a month or so before I know that I am going to be photographed up close (new work headshots) or on a panel that will be filmed/photographed. It helps smooth out my skin for professional make up. Using retinol and doing hydro facials has helped with keeping firm skin. I get highlights around my face, grew my hair longer and still color my roots because I have about 30% gray. Depending on your hair type, mid length to short might work so well after you enter peri menopause.

Fashion and fitness: I cull through my wardrobe every 6 months, toss tired things and selectively update with a few current pieces. I wear shoes that I can walk in comfortably and stand tall in. I don’t dress for the male gaze anymore-I dress for me. I wear more color and new cuts that accentuate my hourglass curves. I do less cardio and more strength/stretch plus added Pilates. I don’t look in my 30s, I look like a strong, confident 40s woman and I am accepting that.

As a parent, I don’t want my tween daughter to see me freaking out on a daily basis about my wrinkles or weight. I talk to my therapist regularly and meditate more when feeling anxious about aging. My mother is 75 and it is sad to me that she and her friends are always talking about diets and dress size. I love fashion and beauty- just for me, I don’t have to be able to wear it to appreciate it. Being a larger body person now feels better every day- I deserve to take up more space in the world and my wrinkles show my life experience. Enjoy the journey all!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:So one area I really notice is that my neck and collarbones look really...sinewy and skinny and old. Not in a good way, either.

Hence the “you choose your ash or your face.” Someone with more padding will look less wrinkled and less sinewy but will not have the conventionally “hot” body.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:So one area I really notice is that my neck and collarbones look really...sinewy and skinny and old. Not in a good way, either.

Hence the “you choose your ash or your face.” Someone with more padding will look less wrinkled and less sinewy but will not have the conventionally “hot” body.

Np, I'm 44 and never realized how pronounced my collar bone is until last year.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I mean, everyone here on DCUM swears they look 20 years younger and still get carded in their 40s. Of course any other woman their DH looks at looks terrible and old for her age.

No, they just gross.

[Anonymous]

I personally think that older women with prominent collar bones and the kind of sinewed neck look elegant. Older, yes, but usually women who look like this also look elegant and composed. I think Kate Moss looks gorgeous. I think if Audrey Hepburn in her later years. I just don’t mind the kind of ropy look when it’s combined with fine bone structure, good posture, and a narrow frame.

I know Moss has had work done but I don’t think Hepburn did. Some women just age well and it’s all in the bone structure. Staying fit, taking care of your skin with good hydration, and staying reasonably fashionable (not trendy but not super dated either) is enough for me. I don’t care if I look very young or my skin is lineless. Wrinkles don’t bother me and I think that super smooth, slightly puffy look you get from Botox and fillers looks bad. It’s disappointing to be how common it’s become.

There is a vast difference between ugly and old. I have no issue with looking old. Doesn’t mean I will accept looking ugly.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I turned 40 this year. I am black, though pretty fair skinned and I am somewhat annoyed because I thought this was the one area where it was better to be black, LOL! We tend to age better than white women. I look at pictures of myself pre pandemic and now, and there is a visible difference. I take care of my skin, use SPF, eat pretty well, hydrate, etc. In 2020, I was 38 and felt that I looked fine. No wrinkles, no sagging, no eye creases. Now, I look beaten down. The stress of the pandemic took a greater toll on me than I realized. I have forehead wrinkles that didn't exist before, deeper nasolabial folds, and some eye crinkling. At 40, I think I now look 45. Friends have continued to compliment my good skin, and I think it is because they have known me a long time and just aren't noticing the change. I am noticing the change in how I am perceived by the public.

I am not depressed about it, and thinking about beauty/aging doesn't take up much mind space for me, but I can see how for some who traded more on their looks than they realized struggles with fading conventional beauty.

The pandemic really did a number on many of us. I can't pinpoint it but for me, I just look more tired, like the look in my eyes is that of exhaustion, and "a bit of botox" has no chance of fixing it.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I personally think that older women with prominent collar bones and the kind of sinewed neck look elegant. Older, yes, but usually women who look like this also look elegant and composed. I think Kate Moss looks gorgeous. I think if Audrey Hepburn in her later years. I just don’t mind the kind of ropy look when it’s combined with fine bone structure, good posture, and a narrow frame.

I know Moss has had work done but I don’t think Hepburn did. Some women just age well and it’s all in the bone structure. Staying fit, taking care of your skin with good hydration, and staying reasonably fashionable (not trendy but not super dated either) is enough for me. I don’t care if I look very young or my skin is lineless. Wrinkles don’t bother me and I think that super smooth, slightly puffy look you get from Botox and fillers looks bad. It’s disappointing to be how common it’s become.

There is a vast difference between ugly and old. I have no issue with looking old. Doesn’t mean I will accept looking ugly.

Amen

[Anonymous]

The pandemic was absolutely terrible for me. I have posted here before but I got Covid while pregnant, and later had to have a hysterectomy. My looks really went downhill plus I had to lose 50 lbs. It took 2 years but I think I’ve accepted my new look now that I’ve lost the weight an plateaued. Here’s what worked for me (in order of importance):

-antidepressants, I saw a psychologist and was prescribed Wellbutrin and fluoxetine for Covid brain fog and depression and it’s been life changing. I have motivation to move my body, my life is not a struggle, I still don’t exercise but I do move body more (walks etc), and it allowed me to tackle the below
- Good skincare, Genifique serum and eye cream every night and retin A twice a week, and an overnight heavy cream, always put it on the neck, Olay sensitive sunscreen from Target all over face neck and décolletage
- Supplements, I now take fish oil, vitamin E, SuperBeauty, biotin, vitamin D and a vitamin gummy
-Collagen in my coffee, Vital proteins, helps me stay hydrated and face a bit more puffy in a good way
-Boiled egg every morning with carrot juice
- new wardrobe: I did Lou and Grey Ann Taylor Loft for work from home days, and got some Ann Taylor suits that you can machine wash for work, and a couple of shells
-highlights and a shorter cut with lots of layers, my hair looks bouncy when I do a blowout
-an earring round of different studs from Ann Taylor. Jewelry is a mood booster and nice to rest your eye on.
-Botox, baby levels, in my forehead and eye crinkles

I think I look just better but who knows if I look younger. The Botox was the smallest fix, everything else was much more important. If you have to prioritize, I would suggest starting with a full physical and if necessary psychiatrist to make sure you don’t have underlying issues, and then get on the
Supplement train.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I really don't think that having a facelift is "a good example of someone who has allowed her face to age". It's a major, expensive and invasive surgery.

I am not criticizing it. I dream of having a facelift myself. But come on, it's not natural aging.

Still looks more natural than fillers and botox.

Looking at her face structure in those photos I suspect way more than a facelift. She looks like she’s had a jaw implant and possibly something with cheeks too. Look, these people we say are “aging well” are just well resourced to do all the things well. Find me a poor person who you feel is aging so well!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I really don't think that having a facelift is "a good example of someone who has allowed her face to age". It's a major, expensive and invasive surgery.

I am not criticizing it. I dream of having a facelift myself. But come on, it's not natural aging.

Still looks more natural than fillers and botox.

Looking at her face structure in those photos I suspect way more than a facelift. She looks like she’s had a jaw implant and possibly something with cheeks too. Look, these people we say are “aging well” are just well resourced to do all the things well. Find me a poor person who you feel is aging so well!

A facelift is not natural!! It is major surgery.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:American women should watch more foreign movies and TV series. There are a lot of chic, sexy and not totally plastic looking older women to admire. It's hard when we have JLo as our one and only model of an attractive older woman. Go look up photos of Lena Olin, Kristin Scott Thomas, Juliette Binoche, Philippine Leroy-Beaulieu, Veronica Falcon, Shohreh Aghdashloo, Sonia Braga. They're all beautiful.

I needed this. Aging terrifies me

Yes, it seems that JLo is the only beautiful woman in my age (53) group.
I have no one else to admire.

Mariah has gained and kept on a ton of weight and Gwen’s face looks so different from so much cosmetic surgery.

Cate Blanchet looks old to me yet Heather Graham looks decent.