Grandma not letting young-adult grandkids use her car. Is she right?

[Anonymous]

OP - no adult is being unreasonable when they deny the use of their car, to anyone.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Her car, her rules. Either get a rental or pay for Uber/taxi.

The kids aren't old enough to rent a car. Which actually scores a point for grandma.

[Anonymous]

When DH went to visit his parents in UK, he never asked for or was offered his parents' car. He either took cabs or hired a car. He only drove his parents car once: when FIL got lost and confused and frustrated and could not get to the right road after 30 min.

It is not an insurance thing. Like PPs pointed out, it is hard for old people to deal with repairs, insurance... or anything out of the everyday routine.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:All insurance is different, so it’s possible she is correct. My guess is that she is using it as an excuse because she’s having a hard time believing her young grandchildren are actually old enough to drive safely.

What you should point out to her is that the harder/more inconvenient she makes these visits, the less likely the grandchildren are to visit her in the future.

Thank you. This is a helpful perspective. -OP

[Anonymous]

OP - if your daughters are going to visit and spend time with her, why do they need a car? Is she asking them to get groceries, run errands, pick up takeout and expecting they pay for rideshare to do those things?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:When DH went to visit his parents in UK, he never asked for or was offered his parents' car. He either took cabs or hired a car. He only drove his parents car once: when FIL got lost and confused and frustrated and could not get to the right road after 30 min.

It is not an insurance thing. Like PPs pointed out, it is hard for old people to deal with repairs, insurance... or anything out of the everyday routine.

The majority of UK insurance policies DO NOT cover alternate drivers or require an extra paid rider with a specific name for anyone else driving the car. So most probably was an insurance issue.

[Anonymous]

Her property, her choice.

[Anonymous]

She doesn’t want to deal with the hassle IF something goes wrong.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Sorry I’m not rich. Uber is not cheap.

OP, is this your reply? If uber is too pricey, who pays if Grandma's car is in an accident? There will be repairs, her insurance goes up, etc. A big issue at 84 is that adult children often take away driving rights from elderly parents. She is aware if anything happens to this car, it may very well be the end of her driving freedom.

This is OP here. That was not my reply; this all happened while I was out today! Money is not a major constraint in this scenario, but lots of PPs have made good points about the hassle and other implications for mom. Thanks.

[Anonymous]

OP here. Thank you for the replies. Many people have made good points and I will certainly not start a fight with mom about this. Especially good point by the PP who said that if this is our only problem at 84 we're lucky, which is true.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Excuse me, it's HER car. It doesn't matter what reasons she gives, it's her right to say grandkids can't drive it. The sense of entitlement on this site astounds me sometimes.

x1000

[Anonymous]

My biggest concern about your post, OP, is that you seem to have leapt immediately to a position of umbrage, with absolutely no sense of respect for your mom's choice. I cannot imagine not immediately respecting my mom's decision about her personal property. It makes you sound very disrespectful and entitled. Wow.

[Anonymous]

My first thought was, why don’t they rent a car when they come to visit grandma? And then realized that they are not old enough. Grandma is no fool. There is a reason that younger drivers have a much higher accident rate. They need to suck it up until the 23 year old is 25 and she can rent a car for their trips.

Also, I’m 40 and haven’t ever once expected to use another relative’s car on any trip. I’m a good driver and still don’t want the hassle and headache of any sort of incident in someone else’s car. Insurance doesn’t make it all go away.

[Anonymous]

Of course Grandma is perfectly within her rights to deny use of her car. However, most 86 year old grandparents are probably far more eager to have regular visits from their young adult grandchildren than vice versa so she should recognize that by increasing the cost/decreasing their options during the stay she will likely have less frequent visits.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:All insurance is different, so it’s possible she is correct. My guess is that she is using it as an excuse because she’s having a hard time believing her young grandchildren are actually old enough to drive safely.

What you should point out to her is that the harder/more inconvenient she makes these visits, the less likely the grandchildren are to visit her in the future.

Thank you. This is a helpful perspective. -OP

OP, you may want to shelve this perspective. It's not right to make a grandmother/grandchild relationship so transactional. It's an ultimatum which no one, at any age, likes. What if your mom didn't have a car? I guess your kids wouldn't visit her at all?