Grandma not letting young-adult grandkids use her car. Is she right?

[Anonymous]

My 84yo mom absolutely refuses to have her adult granddaughters (age 18 and 23) drive her car when they come visit for a few days a few times a year. Not to go pick up a carryout order, or drive to driveable destinations, or pick someone up at the airport, or get groceries for mom.

It's not a huge area of conflict, and they can always Metro or Uber, but it does seem like a needless restraint and a missed opportunity to have the visit be easier for everybody.

She almost never drives her car herself except to the library and grocery store and knows she cannot safely drive them all the places they want to go. Her car is very low mileage but not in pristine aesthetic condition; it has dings and dog hair and whatnot, so it's not a worry that they'll make a mess that's motivating her. The granddaughters are very responsible girls and they live in the Midwest and drive thousands of miles a year, so they're not inexperienced drivers for their age. In other words, I would not hesitate at all to let them drive MY car.

She says "my car isn't insured for younger drivers." I thought this was only an issue if a car was regularly going to be driven by a teen resident in the household over the long term.

Give me an honest opinion about whether elderly mom is being unreasonable, and whether she's correct about the insurance issue. Is she using the insurance thing as an excuse? Or is she under a misapprehension?

[Anonymous]

Excuse me, it's HER car. It doesn't matter what reasons she gives, it's her right to say grandkids can't drive it. The sense of entitlement on this site astounds me sometimes.

[Anonymous]

She is likely on a limited budget and does not want to take the risk that they will get in an accident and raise her insurance. Leave her alone. Her reasoning is fine.

[Anonymous]

Of course she's right. She can do what she wants with her property.

[Anonymous]

All insurance is different, so it’s possible she is correct. My guess is that she is using it as an excuse because she’s having a hard time believing her young grandchildren are actually old enough to drive safely.

What you should point out to her is that the harder/more inconvenient she makes these visits, the less likely the grandchildren are to visit her in the future.

[Anonymous]

(1) It's her car.
(2) Whether her car insurance covers other drivers and has any restrictions depends on the state and the specific policy.
(3) It's her car.
(4) If they are driving her car and get in an accident, are they going to handle the financial and logistical issues? Are they going to deal with the insurance rep, body shop, loaner car, etc.? Or will all that hassle be on her to deal with? If something is not covered, will they be able to pay for it?
(5) It's her car.

[Anonymous]

Talk about being entitled OP. Good lord.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:All insurance is different, so it’s possible she is correct. My guess is that she is using it as an excuse because she’s having a hard time believing her young grandchildren are actually old enough to drive safely.

What you should point out to her is that the harder/more inconvenient she makes these visits, the less likely the grandchildren are to visit her in the future.

How hard is it to use an Uber? I'd imagine the 18- and 23-year-old granddaughters are pretty used to them.

[Anonymous]

Also want to note that I think it’s great that your adult kids go visit their grandmother a few times a year.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:All insurance is different, so it’s possible she is correct. My guess is that she is using it as an excuse because she’s having a hard time believing her young grandchildren are actually old enough to drive safely.

What you should point out to her is that the harder/more inconvenient she makes these visits, the less likely the grandchildren are to visit her in the future.

How hard is it to use an Uber? I'd imagine the 18- and 23-year-old granddaughters are pretty used to them.

Sorry I’m not rich. Uber is not cheap.

[Anonymous]

Grandmother is 1,000,000% in the right here. It is her car and nobody has the right to use it or make her feel guilty about not using it. I can’t believe this is even a discussion.

It is her car.

[Anonymous]

Her car, her rules. Either get a rental or pay for Uber/taxi.

[Anonymous]

It’s her choice of course, but it does seem silly and short sighted to me assuming she wants her granddaughters to continue visiting regularly. Their being able to visit without feeling like they’re stuck or burdening her would likely help the visits continue to be appealing. Nothing you can do but I agree with you that assuming it’s fine insurance wise I don’t get the logic

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:It’s her choice of course, but it does seem silly and short sighted to me assuming she wants her granddaughters to continue visiting regularly. Their being able to visit without feeling like they’re stuck or burdening her would likely help the visits continue to be appealing. Nothing you can do but I agree with you that assuming it’s fine insurance wise I don’t get the logic

+1. Yes of course it’s grandma’s car and she can make whatever decision she wants. I don’t know why she wants to make things more inconvenient and expensive for visiting granddaughters — particularly when it sounds like they are trying to run favors to help grandma.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:All insurance is different, so it’s possible she is correct. My guess is that she is using it as an excuse because she’s having a hard time believing her young grandchildren are actually old enough to drive safely.

What you should point out to her is that the harder/more inconvenient she makes these visits, the less likely the grandchildren are to visit her in the future.

How hard is it to use an Uber? I'd imagine the 18- and 23-year-old granddaughters are pretty used to them.

Sorry I’m not rich. Uber is not cheap.

OP, is this your reply? If uber is too pricey, who pays if Grandma's car is in an accident? There will be repairs, her insurance goes up, etc. A big issue at 84 is that adult children often take away driving rights from elderly parents. She is aware if anything happens to this car, it may very well be the end of her driving freedom.