Grandma not letting young-adult grandkids use her car. Is she right?

[Anonymous]

Due to the higher rate of accidents, insurance companies tier their insurance premiums and packages. Rates rise at age 65 and again at age 80. Your mother may have very high insurance rates and chose to eliminate any coverage for alternate drivers. Also, if her grandchildren have an accident without the alternate driver coverage, it could raise her premiums a lot. If she's on a fixed income, she may be very concerned about that.

If you want your children to be able to drive her car while visiting, why don't you offer to cover her auto insurance premium and add coverage for alternate drivers in her coverage and see if that reassures her. Many seniors do not want to show any concerns about financial issues lest it raise other concerns they don't want to address (like whether she should still be driving or having a car).

[Anonymous]

I think you are a molehill seeking a mountain. And you're correct, Uber/Lyft are not cheap, but shouldn't it be the responsibility of your adult daughters to pay for incidentals like this? You sound like you're not high income. The daughters should have jobs.

[Anonymous]

This shouldn't even be a question. It's her car. She shouldn't even give a reason because it's HER CAR.

[Anonymous]

Her choice.

If she gets to a point where she needs help and they’re taking her to appointments, then I think it’s reasonable to expect to use the car.

[Anonymous]

Um, it's HER CAR. Do you get it?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:(1) It's her car.
(2) Whether her car insurance covers other drivers and has any restrictions depends on the state and the specific policy.
(3) It's her car.
(4) If they are driving her car and get in an accident, are they going to handle the financial and logistical issues? Are they going to deal with the insurance rep, body shop, loaner car, etc.? Or will all that hassle be on her to deal with? If something is not covered, will they be able to pay for it?
(5) It's her car.

This.

Team Grandma all the way (along w/ everyone else here!)

[Anonymous]

She is absolutely right. There is no good reason for an 18 year old new driver to be driving in an unfamiliar area with a car that she is not insured on.

[Anonymous]

Agree, grandma's car, her rules. Stay out of it. It's not your job to navigate grandma's house rule for your kids. If they are adults, they can discuss with grandma or accept her decision.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I think you are a molehill seeking a mountain. And you're correct, Uber/Lyft are not cheap, but shouldn't it be the responsibility of your adult daughters to pay for incidentals like this? You sound like you're not high income. The daughters should have jobs.

Exactly. Even high income kids at this age should have some financial responsibilities.

[Anonymous]

She's being unreasonable/rigid, but it is what it is. I'd prioritize the relationship over this issue unless it makes thing really hard.

[Anonymous]

I would say that they don't want to visit as often because they have transportation issues. I think your mom is in the wrong here.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I would say that they don't want to visit as often because they have transportation issues. I think your mom is in the wrong here.

So are the girls prepared to pay for any damage, or any increase in premiums resulting from their use of the car (assuming that grandma's policy doesn't cover them) or any accident they get into? Grandma might not want to file a claim because it will raise her rates. Can they cover any damage they do to her car or anyone else's? (And are you SURE that grandma's policy covers them driving her car?)

And do they really have "transportation issues"? Sounds like both public transportation and Uber/Lyft/taxis are options.

[Anonymous]

If your young daughters had free access to their grandmother's car during their visits, my bet is your girls would come up with lots of errands and excursions, negating the whole "visiting grandma" aspect of the trip.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Of course she's right. She can do what she wants with her property.

+1 She doesn't have to let anyone drive her car, young or old. I think it's a bit strange to expect access to your host's car when you visit, even if it is a family member.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I would say that they don't want to visit as often because they have transportation issues. I think your mom is in the wrong here.

There is no transportation issue. They just aren’t getting the ease of grandmas car. Plenty of other ways to get around.