Grandma not letting young-adult grandkids use her car. Is she right?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I would say that they don't want to visit as often because they have transportation issues. I think your mom is in the wrong here.

Big no on this advice.

[Anonymous]

The insurance thing is irrelevant. She doesen't want them driving her car then they don't. I don't get the entitlement.

[Anonymous]

My father refused to me let me drive his car when I was a teen/young adult. I've never asked since then, but he might say no. And he would as sure as heck refuse to let my teen son drive his car!!!

It's called being uptight and safety-conscious.

I have a wonderful relationship with my father in general, but he tends to be careful of his car, and he's very aware of the risk of accidents, and need to insure every driver.

I would let this go, OP.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I would say that they don't want to visit as often because they have transportation issues. I think your mom is in the wrong here.

I hope you keep that same energy when your own children use your grandchildren to manipulate you into agreeing to something you aren't comfortable with.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Due to the higher rate of accidents, insurance companies tier their insurance premiums and packages. Rates rise at age 65 and again at age 80. Your mother may have very high insurance rates and chose to eliminate any coverage for alternate drivers. Also, if her grandchildren have an accident without the alternate driver coverage, it could raise her premiums a lot. If she's on a fixed income, she may be very concerned about that.

If you want your children to be able to drive her car while visiting, why don't you offer to cover her auto insurance premium and add coverage for alternate drivers in her coverage and see if that reassures her. Many seniors do not want to show any concerns about financial issues lest it raise other concerns they don't want to address (like whether she should still be driving or having a car).

+1. I think you may be looking at the surface issues and how it would be more convenient but it’s very likely there is a very reasonable financial motivation for this. In any case, you all should respect her choice

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:The insurance thing is irrelevant. She doesen't want them driving her car then they don't. I don't get the entitlement.

I don't, either. Especially at 18 and 23, I didn't expect other people to let me drive their cars. I don't expect other people to let me drive their cars now, even family, especially where there are other transportation options.

[Anonymous]

In my day when we had to get places, we'd walk.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:If your young daughters had free access to their grandmother's car during their visits, my bet is your girls would come up with lots of errands and excursions, negating the whole "visiting grandma" aspect of the trip.

Yes. Sounds like the family wants to take advantage of the old lady. Good of her for sticking to her guns. We also have no idea what kind of family OP has. For all we know they could be freeloading, low income, drug users.

[Anonymous]

This is her car. Respect her wishes.

Walk, bike, electric bike, uber, lyft, rental car

[Anonymous]

Can they just drive your car there and use your car?

Respect grandmother's wishes.

[Anonymous]

The young adults can become uber drivers and it will solve their transportation problems. I am appalled that you feel they are entitled to your mom's property. Very low class.

[Anonymous]

Grandma is right. You should never let anyone drive your car unless you are ok with paying for any damage they cause. They get in an accident? Who does the other person’s insurance go after? Her, but the girls. Her assets are at stake. They can Uber.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:If your young daughters had free access to their grandmother's car during their visits, my bet is your girls would come up with lots of errands and excursions, negating the whole "visiting grandma" aspect of the trip.

I mean, of course.

+1

[Anonymous]

Makes sense to me. She drives sparingly a car that she is very familiar with and doesn’t want the hassle of having to repair or replace the vehicle if one of your daughters gets in an accident. She could lose her insurance at that age if the insurer decides she is too great a risk for accidents at that age, regardless who was driving.

[Anonymous]

Let me guess, op, your kids whined that Grandma wouldn’t let them drive her car? I hope you told them “She doesn’t have to” though I suspect you didn’t.
Grandma doesn’t have to let anybody drive her car.. same as you don’t. If you are cool with it, fine let your kids take your car, nobody cares what you would do, you aren’t, and if you are, you aren’t letting them have the car at Grandma’s house. Any reason why? You can let people borrow your stuff all you want, you can’t do that with another person’s belongings even a car belonging to an old lady.
Your kids are too young to rent a car, reason alone I’d not let them take my car unsupervised. Given what you’ve said about the car, it sounds like you’d not expect them or pay for any damages done to the car either, that’s one reason Grandma not be comfortable letting the grandkids drive it. You don’t even seem to expect them to take care of the car, “it has dings” so what? I’d not be too pleased if your kid “dinged” grandma’s car, especially if they were careless and hit me in the process.
I
Personally hate being without a car to the point that there is no favor anybody could possibly do for me that would make me say “sure, take my car”, there are so many better ways to get what I want and need done, letting someone drive my car for whatever reason is just not necessary. I haven’t even touched on the drama that comes with a wreck… I had a lady take off my driver’s side mirror last year and my car was in the shop for a week. Nobody got hurt, insurance took care of it, everything was fine, but what a pita. Grandma will be the one without a car when your kids f**ck it up, not you, and not them. Grandma will have to explain to insurance what happened, not you, not your kids. No way would it be worth it so a kid could pick me up some take-out or use it for their pleasure while I sat home while they were theoretically visiting me.

Also, if they like Grandma, it isn’t “nice” that they are going to see her, most people do spend time with people they like. As for favors for Grandma and it being short-sighted of her not to let them drive her car, Grandma functions just fine without the grandkids. Sounds like nobody is making Grandma’s life more pleasant if her daughter is trying to tell her she’s being unreasonable and searching random internet boards for the language to do so.

Bottom line, Grandma has said no. That’s her right. If the grandkids really can’t stand it, they also have the right not to visit grandma.