Boss told me that he rarely sees me interacting with my coworkers

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Love that he created an even more anxious situation by gossiping about you to coworkers and then telling you about it. That's pretty unprofessional.


Girl, just do your job. These people don't matter.

+1, he's gossiping about a medical condition (anxiety). WTF kind of boss is that?! He's a walking ADA violation.

Um, he is not gossiping about a medical condition. He is a boss asking an employee's peers about their relationships with the employee. A good supervisor talks to the people s/he supervises to ensure that people are getting along.

Anxiety is a medical condition. It's none of his business nor his place.

He then told me that he’s asked a few of my other coworkers what they think about me and they all said I’m ‘highly anxious.’ I admit that it’s very true. My personal problems that I’ve been struggling for years have managed to spill into my work life and others have seemed to witness that.

He then told me that this was said by more than person, so they can’t be lying. I told him that I don’t disagree with that they’ve said. I then told him “I don’t want to talk about it.” He spoke for another few minutes about managing my anxiety and I left.

Again, he isn't gossiping. He asked peers for their opinions, they gave their opinions. The peers' use of the word "anxiety" or "highly anxious" does not at all constitute gossiping or an ADA violation. The word anxiety is a noun that also can be used as an adjective.

There are very narrow situations where it would be okay for a boss to ask subordinates about another subordinate's work or behavior. There is no situation where it is okay to ask about another subordinate's personality or perceived mental health and, if this information came up in the conversation anyway (i.e., employee volunteers the other person is anxious) it is not appropriate to tell the person what was said let alone "everyone is saying it so it must be true."

That last part - relaying what everyone said -- is gossip.

Also, the ADA covers mental health issues including anxiety. The boss's intrusive little chat about anxiety makes it very difficult for HR to deny that OP has a covered disability, should OP decide to pursue accommodations or challenge adverse employment action.

You're wrong. Hey, Fred, how is it going with the new employee, Ron? or SusieQ, tell me what you think of the new employee, Ron. or Flighty, how did it go when you worked with Ron on the project? It is okay if you don't know the answer. It isn't okay if you make stuff up. Any boss can ask a subordinate about their relationships with other coworkers and for them to give their opinions about that person's work and behavior.

If you're a manager, you should have a chat with HR about this.

[Anonymous]

Can you go in the main room with headphones?

[Anonymous]

OP here. I’m not on medications but I’m looking into therapy. I can’t go to the main room with headphones, because that would be like I’m avoiding them and it wouldn’t be appropriate in that environment. I know that my boss and team are really lovely, but after my boss told me that a few people said I’m really anxious, I’m starting to feel insecure and self-conscious. I keep thinking that he’s probably having on on one meetings with other coworkers and telling them that I’m struggling and they should keep and eye on me or be more supportive to me.

I feel like maybe my boss will be talking about me with others and might even tell them that I’ve been going through issues. I do understand that they mean no malice and want to support, but that in itself makes me feel like an outsider and that I am a fragile person. It’s hard, because I want to be more confident and assertive but my thoughts keep holding me back and affecting me negatively. Now if I have meetings with them, I might be quiet because I’d think that everyone knows I’m anxious and have secretly disclosed it to my boss.

[Anonymous]

You need meds Stat.

[Anonymous]

I think you are an introvert who doesnt like group settings. Nothing wrong with that. I am the same and found a remote job.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP here. I’m not on medications but I’m looking into therapy. I can’t go to the main room with headphones, because that would be like I’m avoiding them and it wouldn’t be appropriate in that environment. I know that my boss and team are really lovely, but after my boss told me that a few people said I’m really anxious, I’m starting to feel insecure and self-conscious. I keep thinking that he’s probably having on on one meetings with other coworkers and telling them that I’m struggling and they should keep and eye on me or be more supportive to me.

I feel like maybe my boss will be talking about me with others and might even tell them that I’ve been going through issues. I do understand that they mean no malice and want to support, but that in itself makes me feel like an outsider and that I am a fragile person. It’s hard, because I want to be more confident and assertive but my thoughts keep holding me back and affecting me negatively. Now if I have meetings with them, I might be quiet because I’d think that everyone knows I’m anxious and have secretly disclosed it to my boss.

You literally are an outsider and a fragile person, and seem intent on staying that way. Get therapy and meds immediately! Why live like that when there is help out there? Especially the meds. Saying this as someone with an anxiety disorder…they can change your life for the better. Do it!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP here. I’m not on medications but I’m looking into therapy. I can’t go to the main room with headphones, because that would be like I’m avoiding them and it wouldn’t be appropriate in that environment. I know that my boss and team are really lovely, but after my boss told me that a few people said I’m really anxious, I’m starting to feel insecure and self-conscious. I keep thinking that he’s probably having on on one meetings with other coworkers and telling them that I’m struggling and they should keep and eye on me or be more supportive to me.

I feel like maybe my boss will be talking about me with others and might even tell them that I’ve been going through issues. I do understand that they mean no malice and want to support, but that in itself makes me feel like an outsider and that I am a fragile person. It’s hard, because I want to be more confident and assertive but my thoughts keep holding me back and affecting me negatively. Now if I have meetings with them, I might be quiet because I’d think that everyone knows I’m anxious and have secretly disclosed it to my boss.

I’m the PP asking about therapy and medication. So right now, you aren’t doing ANYTHING. “Looking into” therapy doesn’t count. Stop using excuses about being fragile and family problems and do something. You are expending so much energy (even on this thread) with paranoid thoughts and second guessing that I don’t know how you function at work. Signed someone with anxiety/depression

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Love that he created an even more anxious situation by gossiping about you to coworkers and then telling you about it. That's pretty unprofessional.


Girl, just do your job. These people don't matter.

+1, he's gossiping about a medical condition (anxiety). WTF kind of boss is that?! He's a walking ADA violation.

Um, he is not gossiping about a medical condition. He is a boss asking an employee's peers about their relationships with the employee. A good supervisor talks to the people s/he supervises to ensure that people are getting along.

Anxiety is a medical condition. It's none of his business nor his place.

He then told me that he’s asked a few of my other coworkers what they think about me and they all said I’m ‘highly anxious.’ I admit that it’s very true. My personal problems that I’ve been struggling for years have managed to spill into my work life and others have seemed to witness that.

He then told me that this was said by more than person, so they can’t be lying. I told him that I don’t disagree with that they’ve said. I then told him “I don’t want to talk about it.” He spoke for another few minutes about managing my anxiety and I left.

Again, he isn't gossiping. He asked peers for their opinions, they gave their opinions. The peers' use of the word "anxiety" or "highly anxious" does not at all constitute gossiping or an ADA violation. The word anxiety is a noun that also can be used as an adjective.

There are very narrow situations where it would be okay for a boss to ask subordinates about another subordinate's work or behavior. There is no situation where it is okay to ask about another subordinate's personality or perceived mental health and, if this information came up in the conversation anyway (i.e., employee volunteers the other person is anxious) it is not appropriate to tell the person what was said let alone "everyone is saying it so it must be true."

That last part - relaying what everyone said -- is gossip.

Also, the ADA covers mental health issues including anxiety. The boss's intrusive little chat about anxiety makes it very difficult for HR to deny that OP has a covered disability, should OP decide to pursue accommodations or challenge adverse employment action.

You're wrong. Hey, Fred, how is it going with the new employee, Ron? or SusieQ, tell me what you think of the new employee, Ron. or Flighty, how did it go when you worked with Ron on the project? It is okay if you don't know the answer. It isn't okay if you make stuff up. Any boss can ask a subordinate about their relationships with other coworkers and for them to give their opinions about that person's work and behavior.

If you're a manager, you should have a chat with HR about this.

Totally HR approved, sweetie!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Love that he created an even more anxious situation by gossiping about you to coworkers and then telling you about it. That's pretty unprofessional.


Girl, just do your job. These people don't matter.

+1, he's gossiping about a medical condition (anxiety). WTF kind of boss is that?! He's a walking ADA violation.

Um, he is not gossiping about a medical condition. He is a boss asking an employee's peers about their relationships with the employee. A good supervisor talks to the people s/he supervises to ensure that people are getting along.

Anxiety is a medical condition. It's none of his business nor his place.

He then told me that he’s asked a few of my other coworkers what they think about me and they all said I’m ‘highly anxious.’ I admit that it’s very true. My personal problems that I’ve been struggling for years have managed to spill into my work life and others have seemed to witness that.

He then told me that this was said by more than person, so they can’t be lying. I told him that I don’t disagree with that they’ve said. I then told him “I don’t want to talk about it.” He spoke for another few minutes about managing my anxiety and I left.

Again, he isn't gossiping. He asked peers for their opinions, they gave their opinions. The peers' use of the word "anxiety" or "highly anxious" does not at all constitute gossiping or an ADA violation. The word anxiety is a noun that also can be used as an adjective.

There are very narrow situations where it would be okay for a boss to ask subordinates about another subordinate's work or behavior. There is no situation where it is okay to ask about another subordinate's personality or perceived mental health and, if this information came up in the conversation anyway (i.e., employee volunteers the other person is anxious) it is not appropriate to tell the person what was said let alone "everyone is saying it so it must be true."

That last part - relaying what everyone said -- is gossip.

Also, the ADA covers mental health issues including anxiety. The boss's intrusive little chat about anxiety makes it very difficult for HR to deny that OP has a covered disability, should OP decide to pursue accommodations or challenge adverse employment action.

You're wrong. Hey, Fred, how is it going with the new employee, Ron? or SusieQ, tell me what you think of the new employee, Ron. or Flighty, how did it go when you worked with Ron on the project? It is okay if you don't know the answer. It isn't okay if you make stuff up. Any boss can ask a subordinate about their relationships with other coworkers and for them to give their opinions about that person's work and behavior.

If you're a manager, you should have a chat with HR about this.

OMG. Your boss has never asked you about how the new guy is working out? You've never asked a subordinate the same thing? It is okay to ask staff members about how well or not well the team works together. It is okay for a group of employees to participate in a discussion of the team dynamics. Please stop making stuff up.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP here. I’m not on medications but I’m looking into therapy. I can’t go to the main room with headphones, because that would be like I’m avoiding them and it wouldn’t be appropriate in that environment. I know that my boss and team are really lovely, but after my boss told me that a few people said I’m really anxious, I’m starting to feel insecure and self-conscious. I keep thinking that he’s probably having on on one meetings with other coworkers and telling them that I’m struggling and they should keep and eye on me or be more supportive to me.

I feel like maybe my boss will be talking about me with others and might even tell them that I’ve been going through issues. I do understand that they mean no malice and want to support, but that in itself makes me feel like an outsider and that I am a fragile person. It’s hard, because I want to be more confident and assertive but my thoughts keep holding me back and affecting me negatively. Now if I have meetings with them, I might be quiet because I’d think that everyone knows I’m anxious and have secretly disclosed it to my boss.

I’m the PP asking about therapy and medication. So right now, you aren’t doing ANYTHING. “Looking into” therapy doesn’t count. Stop using excuses about being fragile and family problems and do something. You are expending so much energy (even on this thread) with paranoid thoughts and second guessing that I don’t know how you function at work. Signed someone with anxiety/depression

Yes, this is an excellent point. OP, it sounds like you need and want this job; however, you should recognize that it has to be a two-way street. You need to meet them where they are and you need to work within their team dynamic. That means you need to take steps to help yourself do that. Beginning therapy will be a big first step.

[Anonymous]

Op seems tiresome just from these posts. I would be so put out if I had a new team member who never spoke to anyone, never came to lunch even one time, and physically separated themselves from the rest of the team. I was at one workplace where someone had to be cut from a team. Guess who it was? Someone who had performance equal to others but never spoke to anyone.

[Anonymous]

Your senior supervisor asked you if you already had another job lined up.

This question should not be ignored.

What would prompt your senior supervisor to ask this question ?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Your senior supervisor asked you if you already had another job lined up.

This question should not be ignored.

What would prompt your senior supervisor to ask this question ?

This is a good point. It shows not just nervousness or shyness, but OP is giving the appearance that she doesn't want to be there and may already be looking for a new position.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Advice from an employment lawyer — document the hell out of this, OP. Start by emailing yourself a summary of the meeting. The email will put a date stamp on it (because you’re sending it by email). You need to do it now while you’re close in time to the meeting with the supervisor. State the date of the meeting and everything that happened. Make sure you use the word “anxiety.”

You may end up with a claim for disability discrimination at the end of the day. But start documenting.

+100 something smells rotten with this whole thing

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Love that he created an even more anxious situation by gossiping about you to coworkers and then telling you about it. That's pretty unprofessional.


Girl, just do your job. These people don't matter.

+1, he's gossiping about a medical condition (anxiety). WTF kind of boss is that?! He's a walking ADA violation.

Um, he is not gossiping about a medical condition. He is a boss asking an employee's peers about their relationships with the employee. A good supervisor talks to the people s/he supervises to ensure that people are getting along.

Anxiety is a medical condition. It's none of his business nor his place.

He then told me that he’s asked a few of my other coworkers what they think about me and they all said I’m ‘highly anxious.’ I admit that it’s very true. My personal problems that I’ve been struggling for years have managed to spill into my work life and others have seemed to witness that.

He then told me that this was said by more than person, so they can’t be lying. I told him that I don’t disagree with that they’ve said. I then told him “I don’t want to talk about it.” He spoke for another few minutes about managing my anxiety and I left.

Again, he isn't gossiping. He asked peers for their opinions, they gave their opinions. The peers' use of the word "anxiety" or "highly anxious" does not at all constitute gossiping or an ADA violation. The word anxiety is a noun that also can be used as an adjective.

There are very narrow situations where it would be okay for a boss to ask subordinates about another subordinate's work or behavior. There is no situation where it is okay to ask about another subordinate's personality or perceived mental health and, if this information came up in the conversation anyway (i.e., employee volunteers the other person is anxious) it is not appropriate to tell the person what was said let alone "everyone is saying it so it must be true."

That last part - relaying what everyone said -- is gossip.

Also, the ADA covers mental health issues including anxiety. The boss's intrusive little chat about anxiety makes it very difficult for HR to deny that OP has a covered disability, should OP decide to pursue accommodations or challenge adverse employment action.

You're wrong. Hey, Fred, how is it going with the new employee, Ron? or SusieQ, tell me what you think of the new employee, Ron. or Flighty, how did it go when you worked with Ron on the project? It is okay if you don't know the answer. It isn't okay if you make stuff up. Any boss can ask a subordinate about their relationships with other coworkers and for them to give their opinions about that person's work and behavior.

If you're a manager, you should have a chat with HR about this.

OMG. Your boss has never asked you about how the new guy is working out? You've never asked a subordinate the same thing? It is okay to ask staff members about how well or not well the team works together. It is okay for a group of employees to participate in a discussion of the team dynamics. Please stop making stuff up.

NP, I've been asked, but it's related to the task at hand. "Can you give Larlo a hand with the TPS reports? Looks like he's struggling putting the cover sheet on." Not "I think Larlo has anxiety, do you think he's weird? Should he be medicated? Does he act weird around you?"