Son and DIL asking for new vacation next year

[Anonymous]

^ btw, I am likely your age

[Anonymous]

OP, I'm sorry, I can understand how this is a bummer and I hope you understand your son and DIL's perspective and that they are not at all trying to hurt your feelings or say they don't like going to the beach, but that they would like some variety. Different folks are different like that. My sister's ILs are the same and like to go to the same place each year. My family didn't have traditions like that and liked to try new places so that's something that she really likes to do and would prefer not to always go to the same place, even though she greatly appreciates her time with her ILs in their preferred spot. She has told me how she looks forward to her kids growing up going there and enjoying it with their grandparents AND she wants to make sure it isn't the only vacation her family takes. And that's hard to balance with family leave.

So try not to take it personally because clearly they want to be with you all, they are making great efforts to still have this be a family vacation.

[Anonymous]

Why are you all acting like them offering to pay is some big deal? They've been treated to free weeks at the beach for years. That's a significant cost, especially Fenwick. I don't think it's crazy of them to want to try something new, but yes of course they should be treating for once.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Who said a free week at the beach is awful? Giving you more than a year’s notice that they would like some variety next year and offering to pay themselves sounds beyond reasonable and accommodating.

This! I am also someone who likes variety when going on vacation, and would be highly annoyed if my husband’s family assumed we would continue the beach trip year after year, especially if I had limited vacation time!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Why are you all acting like them offering to pay is some big deal? They've been treated to free weeks at the beach for years. That's a significant cost, especially Fenwick. I don't think it's crazy of them to want to try something new, but yes of course they should be treating for once.

The other option is the son and daughter-in-law going to the mountains and not inviting OP. How do you not understand that going on multigeneration family vacations for decades is a big deal?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:There is something to be said about tradition! I think people are being too harsh on OP.

We do *two* traditional weeks of vacation every year (in addition to others), and I think OP is beyond ridiculous.

Her adult children have gone on vacation with her for years.
They are still willing to go, and her SIL and DIL are as well.
They aren't expecting OP to finance a different trip; they offered to pay.

I can't think of one thing they did wrong here. All they asked for is a change of venue, and OP is complaining? Absurd.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Why are you all acting like them offering to pay is some big deal? They've been treated to free weeks at the beach for years. That's a significant cost, especially Fenwick. I don't think it's crazy of them to want to try something new, but yes of course they should be treating for once.

The other option is the son and daughter-in-law going to the mountains and not inviting OP. How do you not understand that going on multigeneration family vacations for decades is a big deal?

I don't think it would be bad for son and DIL to go on their own mountain vacation without inviting OP, at all. It's their vacation time to spend as they please. I don't think they are obligated to vacation with anyone, or to do the same thing every year if they don't want to.

I just don't get all the comments like OMG wow amazing they're offering to pay...well, yeah! They've been getting expense vacations from OP and her husband for years!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Why are you all acting like them offering to pay is some big deal? They've been treated to free weeks at the beach for years. That's a significant cost, especially Fenwick. I don't think it's crazy of them to want to try something new, but yes of course they should be treating for once.

The other option is the son and daughter-in-law going to the mountains and not inviting OP. How do you not understand that going on multigeneration family vacations for decades is a big deal?

I don't think it would be bad for son and DIL to go on their own mountain vacation without inviting OP, at all. It's their vacation time to spend as they please. I don't think they are obligated to vacation with anyone, or to do the same thing every year if they don't want to.

I just don't get all the comments like OMG wow amazing they're offering to pay...well, yeah! They've been getting expense vacations from OP and her husband for years!

I am not super impressed that OP has paid all of these years. It was her way of keeping control and remaining the center of gravity in her family.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Why are you all acting like them offering to pay is some big deal? They've been treated to free weeks at the beach for years. That's a significant cost, especially Fenwick. I don't think it's crazy of them to want to try something new, but yes of course they should be treating for once.

The other option is the son and daughter-in-law going to the mountains and not inviting OP. How do you not understand that going on multigeneration family vacations for decades is a big deal?

I don't think it would be bad for son and DIL to go on their own mountain vacation without inviting OP, at all. It's their vacation time to spend as they please. I don't think they are obligated to vacation with anyone, or to do the same thing every year if they don't want to.

I just don't get all the comments like OMG wow amazing they're offering to pay...well, yeah! They've been getting expense vacations from OP and her husband for years!

And yet, it is amazing because they could have chosen not to invite and not to pay. Why can't op see it as an opportunity to do something different? IF they don't want to go just say thanks for the offer, feel free to do your thing but, we prefer the beach?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Why are you all acting like them offering to pay is some big deal? They've been treated to free weeks at the beach for years. That's a significant cost, especially Fenwick. I don't think it's crazy of them to want to try something new, but yes of course they should be treating for once.

The other option is the son and daughter-in-law going to the mountains and not inviting OP. How do you not understand that going on multigeneration family vacations for decades is a big deal?

I don't think it would be bad for son and DIL to go on their own mountain vacation without inviting OP, at all. It's their vacation time to spend as they please. I don't think they are obligated to vacation with anyone, or to do the same thing every year if they don't want to.

I just don't get all the comments like OMG wow amazing they're offering to pay...well, yeah! They've been getting expense vacations from OP and her husband for years!

I am not super impressed that OP has paid all of these years. It was her way of keeping control and remaining the center of gravity in her family.

Um, last time I checked, adults old enough to be married and have kids always have free will. They could have said no or offered alternate plans at any time. I don't think they were wrong to accept the freebie vacations, but OP and her husband could not "control" anyone. They were always free to say, "Thank you for the kind offer, but we have other vacation plans this year." How is accepting someone's offer that person controlling you? Just decline. An invitation is not a summons.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:1. Your husband is in his 60s, and still "indispensable" on the front line of a pool company? Hmmm.

2. Your kids have the right to change their minds more than a year in advance.

3. Vacations in the same spot for decades? Torture, OP, torture.

4. You do not have priority. "Tradition" is meaningless.

ancillery to this post, but #1 tells us a lot about the people in this area and understandings of how businesses work. facepalm, facepalm, facepalm

Yep! And the labor shortage is no joke! OP’s husband would probably love some trustworthy reliable subordinates but they don’t grow on trees. Every service company is struggling for workers - I’m not sure how anyone could have missed that.

This trip is for summer of 2023, no? We have literally no idea what the labor market will be like then.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:1. Your husband is in his 60s, and still "indispensable" on the front line of a pool company? Hmmm.

2. Your kids have the right to change their minds more than a year in advance.

3. Vacations in the same spot for decades? Torture, OP, torture.

4. You do not have priority. "Tradition" is meaningless.

ancillery to this post, but #1 tells us a lot about the people in this area and understandings of how businesses work. facepalm, facepalm, facepalm

Yep! And the labor shortage is no joke! OP’s husband would probably love some trustworthy reliable subordinates but they don’t grow on trees. Every service company is struggling for workers - I’m not sure how anyone could have missed that.

This trip is for summer of 2023, no? We have literally no idea what the labor market will be like then.

Presumably this adult man who has run his own pool company for decades knows well his own summer schedule and availability, yes?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Why are you all acting like them offering to pay is some big deal? They've been treated to free weeks at the beach for years. That's a significant cost, especially Fenwick. I don't think it's crazy of them to want to try something new, but yes of course they should be treating for once.

The other option is the son and daughter-in-law going to the mountains and not inviting OP. How do you not understand that going on multigeneration family vacations for decades is a big deal?

I don't think it would be bad for son and DIL to go on their own mountain vacation without inviting OP, at all. It's their vacation time to spend as they please. I don't think they are obligated to vacation with anyone, or to do the same thing every year if they don't want to.

I just don't get all the comments like OMG wow amazing they're offering to pay...well, yeah! They've been getting expense vacations from OP and her husband for years!

I am not super impressed that OP has paid all of these years. It was her way of keeping control and remaining the center of gravity in her family.

Um, last time I checked, adults old enough to be married and have kids always have free will. They could have said no or offered alternate plans at any time. I don't think they were wrong to accept the freebie vacations, but OP and her husband could not "control" anyone. They were always free to say, "Thank you for the kind offer, but we have other vacation plans this year." How is accepting someone's offer that person controlling you? Just decline. An invitation is not a summons.

Yes, they just declined with 1 year notice, and OP is STILL boohooing about her traditions and them shunning the beach. She knows exactly what she is doing.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:1. Your husband is in his 60s, and still "indispensable" on the front line of a pool company? Hmmm.

2. Your kids have the right to change their minds more than a year in advance.

3. Vacations in the same spot for decades? Torture, OP, torture.

4. You do not have priority. "Tradition" is meaningless.

ancillery to this post, but #1 tells us a lot about the people in this area and understandings of how businesses work. facepalm, facepalm, facepalm

Yep! And the labor shortage is no joke! OP’s husband would probably love some trustworthy reliable subordinates but they don’t grow on trees. Every service company is struggling for workers - I’m not sure how anyone could have missed that.

This trip is for summer of 2023, no? We have literally no idea what the labor market will be like then.

Presumably this adult man who has run his own pool company for decades knows well his own summer schedule and availability, yes?

I was responding to the comment on the labor shortage and reliable subordinates.

Skeptical that an adult man who ran his own pool company for decades and went to the beach every year couldn't shuffle things and go to the mountains instead, but to appease his wife causing trouble.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Why are you all acting like them offering to pay is some big deal? They've been treated to free weeks at the beach for years. That's a significant cost, especially Fenwick. I don't think it's crazy of them to want to try something new, but yes of course they should be treating for once.

The other option is the son and daughter-in-law going to the mountains and not inviting OP. How do you not understand that going on multigeneration family vacations for decades is a big deal?

I don't think it would be bad for son and DIL to go on their own mountain vacation without inviting OP, at all. It's their vacation time to spend as they please. I don't think they are obligated to vacation with anyone, or to do the same thing every year if they don't want to.

I just don't get all the comments like OMG wow amazing they're offering to pay...well, yeah! They've been getting expense vacations from OP and her husband for years!

I am not super impressed that OP has paid all of these years. It was her way of keeping control and remaining the center of gravity in her family.

Um, last time I checked, adults old enough to be married and have kids always have free will. They could have said no or offered alternate plans at any time. I don't think they were wrong to accept the freebie vacations, but OP and her husband could not "control" anyone. They were always free to say, "Thank you for the kind offer, but we have other vacation plans this year." How is accepting someone's offer that person controlling you? Just decline. An invitation is not a summons.

Yes, they just declined with 1 year notice, and OP is STILL boohooing about her traditions and them shunning the beach. She knows exactly what she is doing.

She's working through her feelings and is asking DCUM for perspective. She has never had the power to make her son or his wife go on vacations. That's...not something anyone has the "control" to do.