Son and DIL asking for new vacation next year

[Anonymous]

You can't require your family tradition be their family tradition. What appeals to you, might not appeal to them. You can remain rigid or become flexible.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:If I had to use my vacation time to go in the SAME vacation year in and year out with my ILs I would fling myself into the ocean.

LOL.

[Anonymous]

For the OP, they aren’t asking you to change your vacation. They are telling you they won’t be coming, and are inviting you on THEIR vacation. They are not stopping you from going to the beach.

[Anonymous]

I love the beach, I love family traditions (going on the same trip each year to the beach sounds lovely), and I’m sure you treating them to nice accommodations makes for a great trip.

However, not everyone loves the beach. Not everyone likes doing the same trip each year. It sounds like they are being thoughtful and considerate in telling you their wishes so far in advance. It sounds like they want to include you and enjoy vacationing w you if they invited you to come w them and it sounds like they are generous since they offer to pay for the mountain trip.

I think you should try their mountain trip and see how it is. Then go back to the beach the next summer if you prefer the beach.

Almost everyone has limited vacation time (and limited vacation budget) so I’m guessing your son and DIL do too and it’s totally understandable that they don’t want to spend that limited time going on the same vacation each year.

[Anonymous]

"asking"
A very telling word
Shows where the power is ... or how Op feels re: who has the power.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:"asking"
A very telling word
Shows where the power is ... or how Op feels re: who has the power.

Right? I'm sure son & DIL were being upfront with TELLING their change of vacation venue, and kindly ASKING OP and her husband to join them.

OP thinks the younger generation is ASKING for permission to go to the mountains. They're not.

[Anonymous]

I really wish americans got 3-4 weeks of vacation.

This issue might still come up, but the limited vacation makes vacation planning so high stakes.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I really wish americans got 3-4 weeks of vacation.

This issue might still come up, but the limited vacation makes vacation planning so high stakes.

And I don't think a lot of older retired people realize this; many had better benefits or a stay at home spouse for a while. They didn't have to use most of their vacation to take care of errands and personal business during the year, and try to eek out one week to relax.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I love the beach, I love family traditions (going on the same trip each year to the beach sounds lovely), and I’m sure you treating them to nice accommodations makes for a great trip.

However, not everyone loves the beach. Not everyone likes doing the same trip each year. It sounds like they are being thoughtful and considerate in telling you their wishes so far in advance. It sounds like they want to include you and enjoy vacationing w you if they invited you to come w them and it sounds like they are generous since they offer to pay for the mountain trip.

I think you should try their mountain trip and see how it is. Then go back to the beach the next summer if you prefer the beach.

Almost everyone has limited vacation time (and limited vacation budget) so I’m guessing your son and DIL do too and it’s totally understandable that they don’t want to spend that limited time going on the same vacation each year.

+1 They've done OP's beach tradition every year. OP should be a bit flexible and try something new that her kid and DIL like for one year. The world won't end, and OP may be pleasantly surprised at the change (and enjoy spending time with her grandkids in a different place). She can always go back to the beach the following year.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:If I had to use my vacation time to go in the SAME vacation year in and year out with my ILs I would fling myself into the ocean.

LOL.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I love the beach, I love family traditions (going on the same trip each year to the beach sounds lovely), and I’m sure you treating them to nice accommodations makes for a great trip.

However, not everyone loves the beach. Not everyone likes doing the same trip each year. It sounds like they are being thoughtful and considerate in telling you their wishes so far in advance. It sounds like they want to include you and enjoy vacationing w you if they invited you to come w them and it sounds like they are generous since they offer to pay for the mountain trip.

I think you should try their mountain trip and see how it is. Then go back to the beach the next summer if you prefer the beach.

Almost everyone has limited vacation time (and limited vacation budget) so I’m guessing your son and DIL do too and it’s totally understandable that they don’t want to spend that limited time going on the same vacation each year.

OP wants 1 full week commitment from them in 1 of 3 rental properties in Fenwick Island near Bethany. OP also invites others including friends. It's not owning a beach house or condo in the most convenient to the DMV location-DE and giving the family an option of coming for whenever it's convenient.

OP could continue to rent a beach week and extend an invite to them to come for whatever days ... family can drive down if the weather is good and take 1 day off from work. Their choice and no "ask" which is really a command performance.

[Anonymous]

OP: It's great that they are inviting you; they obviously enjoy your company. If you can only take one week in summer and want to be with your family, do it their way next year. I imagine those weeks with the grandchildren are precious and they won't be young for long. We could do both, but it sounds like summer is tough for you because of your DH's business. If it's more important to go to the beach, do that. (Or go there in the shoulder season.)

[Anonymous]

For some people, the thought of going to the same place every year is boring or the equivalent of hell. For you it is great, for the DIL it might be awful.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I really wish americans got 3-4 weeks of vacation.

This issue might still come up, but the limited vacation makes vacation planning so high stakes.

And I don't think a lot of older retired people realize this; many had better benefits or a stay at home spouse for a while. They didn't have to use most of their vacation to take care of errands and personal business during the year, and try to eek out one week to relax.

You mean the people who were raised by parents who grew up during the Great Depression? The people who lived through rampant inflation, economic stagnation and the oil crisis of the 70s? The people who experienced the severe decline of unions and manufacturing in the 80s? People who lost their farms/livelihood because of the farm crisis in the 80s (Remember Farm Aid)?

Your statement is ageist and/or classist. My extended family has always been sensitive about leave because they and their communities experienced the challenges of finding gainful employment, keeping that employment and having limited leave. It is typical of our middle-America community,

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:They are offering to pay. They are willing to include you. That's nice.

Do you get that not everyone adores the beach each and every year? After about two days of nonstop bugs and sand everywhere, I'm over it. I think a mountain resort sounds lovely. People like a change of pace. Not everyone like We Do This Tradition Every Year.

+1

I love the beach, but my redheaded children hate it because of the sun. Not everyone likes the same thing.

OP, your son and DIL are handling this very well and you should respond in kind, as a fellow adult. Also, FYI: You are not in charge. You are on equal footing with your adult children.

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