Son and DIL asking for new vacation next year

[Anonymous]

My husband and I have gone to the beach (Fenwick) for decades, and of course brought our kids when they were young. After my son and my daughter grew up and each got married, we've invited their families to join us each year. (We also include my husband's sister and her son, and my husband's mother while she was alive.) We sometimes invite friends, so we usually rent from one of three nice properties. We have good relationships with the owners of each property, and we enjoy the trip every year.

Apparently my son and his wife do not wish to do the beach trip next year--they already agreed to this year when DH and I reached out in January. They are sending us links for mountain resorts, and are offering to pay. DH and I would rather be at the beach, but DH does not have a lot of vacation time (he manages a pool company, so unfortunately little work from home opportunity from them, and summers are obviously quite busy). But I would hate to miss out on the opportunity to vacation with our grandkids.

Am I wrong to feel that this is a lot to process? We pay for lovely accommodations. I understand that DIL wants something different and is offering to pay, but I still kind of wonder why a free beach week is so awful and tradition needs to be changed.

[Anonymous]

Your Son and/or DIL probably also have limited vacation time. It isn't "so awful" to be at the beach but they want some variety. Neither of you are wrong.

[Anonymous]

Who said a free week at the beach is awful? Giving you more than a year’s notice that they would like some variety next year and offering to pay themselves sounds beyond reasonable and accommodating.

[Anonymous]

How do you know it is DIL who wants the switch? Maybe it is DH? I can understand why this would be a lot to process. However, I think you have a choice here of vacationing with the grandkids or sticking to your traditions.

[Anonymous]

Why not alternate years for picking the location?

[Anonymous]

They do not feel the same way about the beach trip as you do. Be glad they are offering an alternative rather than not spending time with you at all.

[Anonymous]

Take turns.

Or go for shorter time.

Or ask the Son and DIL to go ahead with their vacation and you carry on with your own.

I find the idea of going to the same vacation each year extremely boring. Maybe you should make your Thanksgiving or Christmas holiday longer and more interesting - or have a pre-or post Christmas holiday - so the spouses have the chance to visit their families too.

[Anonymous]

The adult son and his wife are not doing anything wrong to want variety. You've assumed this decision is due to your DIL, but you need to rethink that. They're a team. The son differs with your perspective of the beach destination.

[Anonymous]

They are offering to pay. They are willing to include you. That's nice.

Do you get that not everyone adores the beach each and every year? After about two days of nonstop bugs and sand everywhere, I'm over it. I think a mountain resort sounds lovely. People like a change of pace. Not everyone like We Do This Tradition Every Year.

[Anonymous]

Tradition can feel like shackles to the next generation. Basically you are saying "please do our preferred vacation forever DIL, even though you maybe grew up with DIFFERENT traditions".

Now, your beach trip sounds incredible We do a similar one in our family and it's wonderful. So I'd suggest not seeing it as a slight that your trip is not nice enough.

If you can, join your son and DIL. If your DH can't come, well ok he can't come. But next year, seriously consider either trying to do both, or just planning a trip with your son and DIL. Maybe ask to plan a trip *not* in the summer with them, when your DH isn't so busy.

Desiring a different type of vacation is not a full sale rejection of YOU. Please don't equate the two. It's not a "lot to process" you've known since January. Please keep perspective.

[Anonymous]

Just be happy DIL wants to vacation with you and be flexible. Going to the same place every year sucks.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Take turns.

Or go for shorter time.

Or ask the Son and DIL to go ahead with their vacation and you carry on with your own.

I find the idea of going to the same vacation each year extremely boring. Maybe you should make your Thanksgiving or Christmas holiday longer and more interesting - or have a pre-or post Christmas holiday - so the spouses have the chance to visit their families too.

OP here. Who said the spouses didn't visit their families? Of course they do! We certainly do not monopolize every holiday or vacation.

[Anonymous]

Sorry but I hate the beach and I hate going to the same place more than once. My annual leave is worth a lot more than money to me, so I woldn't be swayed by a free trip. Could they just do a weekend trip at the beach instead of a week? That's my compromise with my inlaws.

I'm a DIL and something I wish my MIL would do would be to take my opinions into account. MIL and her daughters plan vacations without asking dh (because he's a man) or me (because I'm an in-law) and they usually don't work for us. The dates are bad, too expensive for us or we just aren't interested at all.

[Anonymous]

Just go to the beach like you want, your kids will learn mountains are not as fun and will be back next year.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:They are offering to pay. They are willing to include you. That's nice.

Do you get that not everyone adores the beach each and every year? After about two days of nonstop bugs and sand everywhere, I'm over it. I think a mountain resort sounds lovely. People like a change of pace. Not everyone like We Do This Tradition Every Year.

+1

I love the beach, but my redheaded children hate it because of the sun. Not everyone likes the same thing.

OP, your son and DIL are handling this very well and you should respond in kind, as a fellow adult. Also, FYI: You are not in charge. You are on equal footing with your adult children.