How do you deal with a 20 something daughter moving in with boyfriend?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:What is your worry?

OP: her getting tied down when she should be using these years to learn more about herself. And the possibility he strings her along if she wants to get married.

She could be doing that to him just as easily

Dp how often does that happen to a man?

Who knows? But we got to stop assuming women are always victims and men always have ulterior evil motives.

So you are saying that it doesn't happen? That hasn't been the experience of most women, including myself. Men just assume women want to be victims!

You need to get help. Your fear/loathing of an entire sex is not healthy.

who said I loathed anyone? I don't hate/fear every man but, you are kidding yourself and gaslighting me by saying it doesn't happen at all. But, yes the woman needs therapy.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:What is your worry?

OP: her getting tied down when she should be using these years to learn more about herself. And the possibility he strings her along if she wants to get married.

She could be doing that to him just as easily

Dp how often does that happen to a man?

Who knows? But we got to stop assuming women are always victims and men always have ulterior evil motives.

So you are saying that it doesn't happen? That hasn't been the experience of most women, including myself. Men just assume women want to be victims!

Wow, that was a real reach. I think you have some issues you need to work out.

Yes I am the one who needs therapy. Even though we all know the statistics on men vs women.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Yeah but for every positive story there is a negative one folks.

I moved in with my BF (in London, not the US with far lower expectations about marriage in 20s)

We were 21 when we moved in, at 25/26 we bought a place together - both names on the mortgage and at 27/28 he moved out.

It was devastating.

Well better you didn’t marry and have kids before you realized he didn’t like living with you.

[Anonymous]

Well OP your daughter has more sense than you. I think everyone should live together before marrying, it’s the only way to know if you can stand each other for the long haul.

[Anonymous]

Pretty sexist mindset. What if she is the one stringing him along?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:What is your worry?

OP: her getting tied down when she should be using these years to learn more about herself. And the possibility he strings her along if she wants to get married.

I learned about myself alongside my then boyfriend, now husband. We grew up together and are bonded in a way I don’t see with some of my peers.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Every family is different. Personally, I wouldn’t be comfortable with my 20-something daughter doing this but that’s just me. And ultimately it’s not my decision anyway.

What I would do for sure is talk with her about getting an IUD.

Oh my! You probably should be having the birth control conversation with your DD well before she moves in with her BF.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:They have been dating for over two years and met in college. Nice guy from good parents. I always told her do not move in unless there is a ring and a date. Some of her friends are living with SOs and I was always happy she was living on her own rather than doing this.

They are both turning 24. OK, get they are adults but both sets of parents are somewhat uneasy. If you have been in the same situation, how did you cope?

If you want to continue a relationship with her then you accept and keep your comments to yourself. She is 24, a grown woman. I can see how you are going to drive her away to the point where she severs all communicstion with you. Also, if this live-in situation doesn't end well, do not bad mouth him. She loves him and she doesn't care how you feel. I hope they make it but with both sets of parents butting in, it doesn't bode well.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:What is your worry?

OP: her getting tied down when she should be using these years to learn more about herself. And the possibility he strings her along if she wants to get married.

And if she strings him along?

[Anonymous]

I remember being 24 and moving in with my boyfriend. My mother had a fit and my father was neutral, regardless it wasn’t their business.

My mother would go on and on about ‘what you’ll move in with all the next boyfriends too?’ ‘Just get a studio and ask your dad to pay half so you don’t have to live with a guy’. On and on, and that was after 4 years together.

We got married shortly after and now her SIL is the best guy ever, lol, funny how that works.

All is well now, but I won’t forget some of the crap she said in the moment, so be careful OP.

[Anonymous]

You could never enter the house, and then give us a housewarming present after they get married, like my parents did.
- married 25 years next month

[Anonymous]

How do you deal with it? You buy them a housewarming gift and let them live their lives. She’s an adult.

[Anonymous]

All you can do is be glad she's not still living at home. That's way worse. Either they'll get married or they won't. Either they'll still be together in 5-10-20 years or they won't. No matter what, she's still learning about herself. Is it young IMO? Yes. But no one else's opinion really matters. She's at the age where she'll do the opposite of what you want so just let it play out until she asks for help or you see abuse.

[Anonymous]

It’s 2022, not 1970. It is very smart to make sure you can live with someone before making a lifetime commitment to doing so.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:It’s 2022, not 1970. It is very smart to make sure you can live with someone before making a lifetime commitment to doing so.

I lived with my then boyfriend (now husband) in 1970! Summer of Love and hippie culture. It was fairly well expected even way back then.