How do you deal with a 20 something daughter moving in with boyfriend?

[Anonymous]

Yeesh. I lived with 3 different boyfriends before getting engaged to my now husband (who I moved in with after 6 months). Would not have done it any other way. You learn a lot about compatability by living with someone. Just have an exit plan and don’t commingle stuff so you can easily separate if needed.

[Anonymous]

My personal opinion (as a woman) is that if a woman desires marriage, it's ideal to wait to move in until a commitment is made (engagement). I am older than your DD (late 20s) but when my S/O broached this, I told him point blank that I would NOT be moving in without a ring, as it would require me to spend $$$$ on moving, selling or renting my current place, etc. and I needed a commitment from him as well. We went ring shopping several months later.

That being said, your daughter is an adult and at least you like the BF. Not the end of tbe world.

I agree with this. Had several friends who spent their 20s/30s living with a guy who waffled over commitment. Eventually the couples broke up and guess what---each time the guy got married within the next year. There is nothing you can do but have one conversation with daughter about your hope that daughter pays attention to what is ACTUALLY going on in the relationship as opposed to what she HOPES is going on.

[Anonymous]

I've lived with 4 boyfriends over the years, the first at 20, with a 38 year old. Decided not to get married to anyone. I like dating, and i like living solo.

I am still friendly with all of those ex-boyfriends. Great guys.

[Anonymous]

Why are we assuming OP's daughter has low IQ/EQ and isn't concerned about her future.

[Anonymous]

Just have a heart to heart conversation with her and then let it go. You can advise and worry but can't guarantee better future if she follows a path you recommended.

[Anonymous]

It’s actually better not to get married! She has all the same protections in case of “divorce”, but she can file taxes as head of household for example, and be considered unmarried for certain purposes. She can even choose not to put the father on the birth certificate if she decides it’s worth it. There is wisdom in many lower income people never getting married despite having multiple kids together. Marriage is a government trap.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:It's really rude and immature to dismiss the comments and opinions of people based on your assumption they are older or have the viewpoint or some beliefs of older people. It's ageism and it's tedious and ignorant. You may think the only valuable opinions are those of your age peers or those who agree with you but that only illustrates your close minded limitations. If you're lucky you'll get older someday and will look back at your arrogant younger self and be embarrassed.

Don’t care. Thanks for sharing, though!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Yeesh. I lived with 3 different boyfriends before getting engaged to my now husband (who I moved in with after 6 months). Would not have done it any other way. You learn a lot about compatability by living with someone. Just have an exit plan and don’t commingle stuff so you can easily separate if needed.

Not commingling is actually always a great idea since 50% of marriages end in divorce

[Anonymous]

There are no guarantees for happily ever after, no matter how you proceed.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Yeesh. I lived with 3 different boyfriends before getting engaged to my now husband (who I moved in with after 6 months). Would not have done it any other way. You learn a lot about compatability by living with someone. Just have an exit plan and don’t commingle stuff so you can easily separate if needed.

Not commingling is actually always a great idea since 50% of marriages end in divorce

This is true, but once you buy a house and have a kid things are going to be commingled. As a young adult still dating, don’t buy property together and don’t merge assets (and ideally don’t have a kid) before you’re legally married. And ideally before you get married get a prenup to spell out anything that is separate property and how you’ll deal with communal property….

[Anonymous]

In communities with more unmarried or divorced parents, children face more hurdles and have more behavioral issues which often effect tgeur own future families and often starts a toxic cycle for generations.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Yeah but for every positive story there is a negative one folks.

I moved in with my BF (in London, not the US with far lower expectations about marriage in 20s)

We were 21 when we moved in, at 25/26 we bought a place together - both names on the mortgage and at 27/28 he moved out.

It was devastating.

Thank god you weren't married!

[Anonymous]

Why live with a s/o unless you have to? I know married couples who don’t live together.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Yeesh. I lived with 3 different boyfriends before getting engaged to my now husband (who I moved in with after 6 months). Would not have done it any other way. You learn a lot about compatability by living with someone. Just have an exit plan and don’t commingle stuff so you can easily separate if needed.

Not commingling is actually always a great idea since 50% of marriages end in divorce

This is true, but once you buy a house and have a kid things are going to be commingled. As a young adult still dating, don’t buy property together and don’t merge assets (and ideally don’t have a kid) before you’re legally married. And ideally before you get married get a prenup to spell out anything that is separate property and how you’ll deal with communal property….

I am not too traditional in this sense but I actually support NOT buying shared property, as someone who is trying to share it in divorce right now.
Having a kid - here marriage doesn’t really matter. I would prefer not having my ex on my son’s birth certificate but he is paying support and is not too difficult in terms of signing permissions so it is what it is.
Yes I think a prenup is a great idea.
Honestly if I could start anew I would buy my own small property, or invest etc, and rent together. Heck, to be honest I probably wouldn’t even move in with anyone

[Anonymous]

Moved in wit boyfriend without a commitment at age 25. Got married 3 years later. Just celebrated our 26th anniversary.

OP is there some indication that your DD's boyfriend is a cad? That's the only thing that should worry you.