Two siblings forced the sale of our inherited beach house and I can't get over it

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I still don't understand who forced the sale of the house close to the end of OP's dad's life. Why does uncle want to sell his share then and not after his brother's death?

Make it make sense.

It was estate planning as both my father and uncle had rapidly declining health and uncle was spending more time in a diff state. It all happened pretty quickly. The uncle’s offer was discounted to keep it in the family. My two siblings simply wanted the cash and figured they could just rent moving forward. Renting quickly burns through the cash they received.

So, instead of selling the house, why didn’t you give the siblings the cash or take out a mortgage to give them the cash?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I agree with other pps that it was better to sell it. Multiple owners are a recipe for family strife.

There was zero drama with my dad and uncle. It was just short-sighted siblings. For the record, siblings NOW admit it was regretful. They've blown the cash we got for the property on airbnbs with their family in the same area the last five or six years. And for those saying get over it, I guess you don't have traditions in your family. I guess you don't know what it's like for your dad to lose his favorite place the last year of his life. It's hard to get over losing all of that and not to mention when you see it appreciate to a degree that it is permanently out of reach. It also splintered the family. We never get together like we used to. When we grew up with a big beach house full of cousins.

You have so romanticized this in your head. You don’t know that there was no drama with your dad and uncle. And, owning a vacation property comes with bills, repairs, and other financial obligations. It always invites conflict and drama.

I own a beach house and my brother owns a mountain house and my SIL owns a beach house in a different state. Love my place but would not want to own with others.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Property was co-owned by our father and uncle. No messy drama. During estate at the end of our dad's life, we were offered the opportunity buy out our uncle for a very fair sum we could all afford. My husband and I wanted to, but my two siblings and their spouses said no. Not only did I know the property would never depreciate, I thought it was important to let our dad stay there with his limited time and also keep the family tradition going. Siblings didn't care, they wanted the cash, so the property was sold.

Now six years later the property is worth three times what it was. We would have millions in equity between the three of us if they listened. In addition, the family tradition was lost. I think it broke my dad's heart before he died that he couldn't spend his remaining months there and know it was staying in the family. It infuriates me so much, especially during a holiday week like this. And siblings have a tenancy to complain how expensive a beach house rental is for their family in the same area.

Many times it makes sense for elderly owners of different branches to sell the shared property in advance of one of the partners dying. My grandmother, uncle and uncle (her two brothers) owned an oceanfront beach house in Beach Haven NJ for decades. The uncle who was a lawyer advised that the house be sold before one of them passed to simplify estate situations.

That was incredibly stupid. They lost all of the stepped up basis.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:The OP writes that buying the beach house would have been a stretch for her and her spouse, in other words they couldn't afford it. Either they didn't have the budget or they couldn't source the funds to finance it. Whatever the case may be, they didn't/couldn't do it.

Some posters still say that it's OP's fault because she didn't buy the house outright, she didn't buy out her uncle, etc.. She couldn't afford it!
Some people's reading comprehension skills are appalling.

And why would you 'blame' someone for not being able to afford something? I'd like to buy Buckingham Palace but I can't afford it. Go on and blame me.

Do you still sroubdcdeelling on the fact that you can’t buy buckingham palace?

[Anonymous]

Strange you resent them for not forming over a huge sum to support *your* priorities. 🙄

[Anonymous]

*forking

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:The OP writes that buying the beach house would have been a stretch for her and her spouse, in other words they couldn't afford it. Either they didn't have the budget or they couldn't source the funds to finance it. Whatever the case may be, they didn't/couldn't do it.

Some posters still say that it's OP's fault because she didn't buy the house outright, she didn't buy out her uncle, etc.. She couldn't afford it!
Some people's reading comprehension skills are appalling.

And why would you 'blame' someone for not being able to afford something? I'd like to buy Buckingham Palace but I can't afford it. Go on and blame me.

Do you still sroubdcdeelling on the fact that you can’t buy buckingham palace?

Ha ha, yes, but I now have my eye on Kensington Palace. Wish me luck.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:The OP writes that buying the beach house would have been a stretch for her and her spouse, in other words they couldn't afford it. Either they didn't have the budget or they couldn't source the funds to finance it. Whatever the case may be, they didn't/couldn't do it.

Some posters still say that it's OP's fault because she didn't buy the house outright, she didn't buy out her uncle, etc.. She couldn't afford it!
Some people's reading comprehension skills are appalling.

And why would you 'blame' someone for not being able to afford something? I'd like to buy Buckingham Palace but I can't afford it. Go on and blame me.

"It would have been a stretch" =/= "OP couldn't afford it." If it meant enough to her, she could have stretched and made it happen. But she is unhappy her siblings didn't help finance her desires.

[Anonymous]

Did you offer to buy all of it and they wouldn’t sell it to you at market value? If not, they didn’t force a sale and you need to change your framing on this. If this is your take on this situation, I understand why they did not want to co-own a home with you.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP, I feel your pain. in my family, after my grandfather passed 20 years ago, my grandmother sold a very valuable ocean view lot for a pittance. She didn't need the money one bit. She kept other less valuable properties. It was one of those situations where one should not make decisions when one is grieving. She was sad about the house that my grandfather wanted to build so she just sold it. Many in the family would have bought it, she didn't even give anyone a chance.

That lot today, in a very, very desirable beach area that is protected from climate change and whatnot due to the location. It remained undeveloped for decades. When it was finally sold, it went for $1.5m. As an undeveloped lot. To this day it still kills me. I've not gotten over it after 20 years. It doesn't help that the location remains my favorite vacation destination.

This is 100% on you. If it weren’t this, you would find something else to be upset about. Guaranteed.

Thanks for projecting, but sorry, you're wrong. I'm the PP you are referring to and I guess you would deem my entire extended family of pretty normal, functional people as somehow flawed because many of us feel the same way about the loss of the lot. We used to picnic there when we vacationed in the town and my grandfather would talk about the house plans he'd drafted (he was an architect).

NP. You're not reading clearly. Nobody is criticizing other children about being nostalgic over their childhood, missing the fact that you used to do something fun, or longing for what you remember as good times of the past. That's fine. I mean, it's sad that you don't have it or are focused on it to that extent if it makes you sad, but nobody really cares.

People do judge you for resenting other people over that, or for thinking they should have the same feelings as you. For being salty that other people didn't spend money so that you could keep what you wanted, even if it wasn't what you wanted. That's worth judgment. You earned it. Not for nostalgia, but for being a bit of a prick and trying to clothe it in "oh, I just looooove the past, don't be mean."

Love the past. Let other people love other things, and don't expect you have privileged access to money they worked for. That's all.

[Anonymous]

Living life looking in the rear view mirror is a trap. Move on.

[Anonymous]

NP.
OP is sentimental about the beach house. She's probably also disappointed that her 2 siblings didn't even want to discuss buying out the uncle together with her.
She said it all went pretty quickly.
Did all 3 siblings even take the time to discuss all the options available to them?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:NP.
OP is sentimental about the beach house. She's probably also disappointed that her 2 siblings didn't even want to discuss buying out the uncle together with her.
She said it all went pretty quickly.
Did all 3 siblings even take the time to discuss all the options available to them?

If they knew they didn't want to invest and share ownership, there's not much point in discussing, other than "no." And they are allowed to make that call cleanly, and to be clear about it.

People are always allowed not to value the things you value. You loving it really hard in no way obligates anyone else.

[Anonymous]

There is so much vitriol on here anytime family property comes up. It reads like the same dozen or so unhappy, middle class raised posters who are estranged from most of their family. They are trigger happy to insult anyone who grew up with a bit of privilege ex a big family beach house, anyone who enjoys spending time with a tight knit extended family, anyone who inherits anything, and frame any real estate or business dealings among immediate family members as totally out of bounds. Again, because they hate their own family.

[Anonymous]

No. You can love it as much as you want, PP, and miss it as much as you do.

That's just not an obligation on other people to care about it. It just isn't. Period. No vitriol. No hate. It's just being a calm adult. They love other things just as much as you, and they are doing you the adult courtesy of allowing you to have your own, different feelings.

If not having control over other people's feelings makes you feel hated, that might be worth working on.