Two siblings forced the sale of our inherited beach house and I can't get over it

[Anonymous]

OP’s siblings decided it didn’t make financial sense for them to keep the house. OP decided it didn’t make financial sense for her and her DW to buy them out (or they couldn’t afford it).

Your siblings don’t owe you a beach house. And if you were so “sure” you stood to get multi millions in appreciation in six years, you should have financed it and done that. Would have been seriously stupid not to.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Get over it. Everyone’s priorities and financial picture are different. If you wanted it so bad, you should have bought it outright, yourself.

What an interesting response.

[Anonymous]

This sounds more your fault than your siblings. It's easy to spend other people's money. Why didn't you step up and just purchase the property?

[Anonymous]

I still don't understand who forced the sale of the house close to the end of OP's dad's life. Why does uncle want to sell his share then and not after his brother's death?

Make it make sense.

[Anonymous]

May this always be your biggest problem and regret.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Then you should have given them their share in cash. This is your fault, not theirs. I assume you couldn’t afford to buy them out?

+1. It’s not your call, op.

+2 The siblings did not want the house share for whatever reason. You chose not to buy out your siblings. Buy something smaller that you can afford.
There are thousands of condos, mobile homes and small houses at the beach that are for sale.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I still don't understand who forced the sale of the house close to the end of OP's dad's life. Why does uncle want to sell his share then and not after his brother's death?

Make it make sense.

It was estate planning as both my father and uncle had rapidly declining health and uncle was spending more time in a diff state. It all happened pretty quickly. The uncle’s offer was discounted to keep it in the family. My two siblings simply wanted the cash and figured they could just rent moving forward. Renting quickly burns through the cash they received.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Property was co-owned by our father and uncle. No messy drama. During estate at the end of our dad's life, we were offered the opportunity buy out our uncle for a very fair sum we could all afford. My husband and I wanted to, but my two siblings and their spouses said no. Not only did I know the property would never depreciate, I thought it was important to let our dad stay there with his limited time and also keep the family tradition going. Siblings didn't care, they wanted the cash, so the property was sold.

Now six years later the property is worth three times what it was. We would have millions in equity between the three of us if they listened. In addition, the family tradition was lost. I think it broke my dad's heart before he died that he couldn't spend his remaining months there and know it was staying in the family. It infuriates me so much, especially during a holiday week like this. And siblings have a tenancy to complain how expensive a beach house rental is for their family in the same area.

Many times it makes sense for elderly owners of different branches to sell the shared property in advance of one of the partners dying. My grandmother, uncle and uncle (her two brothers) owned an oceanfront beach house in Beach Haven NJ for decades. The uncle who was a lawyer advised that the house be sold before one of them passed to simplify estate situations.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Get over it. Everyone’s priorities and financial picture are different. If you wanted it so bad, you should have bought it outright, yourself.

This. Maybe you are a huge pain and they didn’t want to deal with you. Maybe they really needed money. Whatever the case, they are under no obligation to own a beach house just because you want them to.

[Anonymous]

I share an inherited beach house with my siblings. It's wonderful until it's not. We've had such insane fights over who gets what weeks and who is doing more for the house upkeep, etc etc. It's a very special place since it's all we have left of our parents, but after this year I'm prepared to sell it once my kids are out of the house.

[Anonymous]

It was estate planning as both my father and uncle had rapidly declining health and uncle was spending more time in a diff state. It all happened pretty quickly. The uncle’s offer was discounted to keep it in the family. My two siblings simply wanted the cash and figured they could just rent moving forward. Renting quickly burns through the cash they received.

OP, it’s absolutely none of your business what your siblings spent their money on. It’s absurd that you resent them for not buying the property, as you have no right whatsoever to dictate how they spend THEIR money. Maybe they had no interest in being a co-owner with you - you seem like a scorekeeper who likes to blame others so might be difficult in that kind of a situation. In any event, you didn’t have the money to buy the property yourself or chose not to spend your money that way, and that’s the real issue. Also, it’s been 6 years - get over it already.

[Anonymous]

You need to decide if your anger over the house is more important than a loving relationship with your siblings. You can only have one. They made a dumb decision. Forgive them and move on. If you stay angry, you lose your siblings. You’re not getting the house or the money, either way. Let it go. It’s just money.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP, I feel your pain. in my family, after my grandfather passed 20 years ago, my grandmother sold a very valuable ocean view lot for a pittance. She didn't need the money one bit. She kept other less valuable properties. It was one of those situations where one should not make decisions when one is grieving. She was sad about the house that my grandfather wanted to build so she just sold it. Many in the family would have bought it, she didn't even give anyone a chance.

That lot today, in a very, very desirable beach area that is protected from climate change and whatnot due to the location. It remained undeveloped for decades. When it was finally sold, it went for $1.5m. As an undeveloped lot. To this day it still kills me. I've not gotten over it after 20 years. It doesn't help that the location remains my favorite vacation destination.

Can’t anyone from the public buy a house? I’m not in the US, but doesn’t everyone have the same opportunity to buy a property for sale?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I agree with other pps that it was better to sell it. Multiple owners are a recipe for family strife.

There was zero drama with my dad and uncle. It was just short-sighted siblings. For the record, siblings NOW admit it was regretful. They've blown the cash we got for the property on airbnbs with their family in the same area the last five or six years. And for those saying get over it, I guess you don't have traditions in your family. I guess you don't know what it's like for your dad to lose his favorite place the last year of his life. It's hard to get over losing all of that and not to mention when you see it appreciate to a degree that it is permanently out of reach. It also splintered the family. We never get together like we used to. When we grew up with a big beach house full of cousins.

It sounds like your siblings didnt want to maintain the tradition and that continues to cause you pain.

[Anonymous]

The OP writes that buying the beach house would have been a stretch for her and her spouse, in other words they couldn't afford it. Either they didn't have the budget or they couldn't source the funds to finance it. Whatever the case may be, they didn't/couldn't do it.

Some posters still say that it's OP's fault because she didn't buy the house outright, she didn't buy out her uncle, etc.. She couldn't afford it!
Some people's reading comprehension skills are appalling.

And why would you 'blame' someone for not being able to afford something? I'd like to buy Buckingham Palace but I can't afford it. Go on and blame me.