Two siblings forced the sale of our inherited beach house and I can't get over it

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:NP.
OP is sentimental about the beach house. She's probably also disappointed that her 2 siblings didn't even want to discuss buying out the uncle together with her.
She said it all went pretty quickly.
Did all 3 siblings even take the time to discuss all the options available to them?

Assuming the dad and uncle owned it outright, couldn’t the dad’s equity have been tapped to buy out the uncle? In other words, buying out the uncle would have cost 3 kids nothing. Or maybe that’s a complex thing to do with 3 kids and 2 ill elderly men. I have no idea.

[Anonymous]

I feel bad for OP's Dad.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:NP.
OP is sentimental about the beach house. She's probably also disappointed that her 2 siblings didn't even want to discuss buying out the uncle together with her.
She said it all went pretty quickly.
Did all 3 siblings even take the time to discuss all the options available to them?

Siblings did not want to discuss what options were available, because they didn’t want to carry a second vacation home with their siblings, full stop. Commingling money with family is often a recipe for disaster, especially when you have multiple families involved. OP was already complaining on this thread about how her siblings would want to use the house (that they paid for, but whatever…)

If OP seriously (not a flight of fancy) wanted to buy it herself, I trust she could have made a deal with her uncle and father.

[Anonymous]

"millions in equity"

Real Property has appreciated over time - but not as much as the stock market. If you had invested the money in a general stock fund, you'd have as much, or more. What is stopping you from buying a beach house now with family if that is a goal.

[Anonymous]

Trust me OP, losing a multi-million dollar, multi-generation beach home which you and your siblings will never be able to buy on your own was actually a GOOD thing. In sum, family traditions are pointless and you can always RENT a beach house. Renting is so much better than owning hard appreciating assets in a nation with high inflation and unchecked immigration.

Regards,
Clinically unhappy DCUMs with no family and the multi-millionaire DCUM investors and landlords who paid cash for your dad’s property and make hundreds of thousands of dollars annually in passive income off your old family beach house

[Anonymous]

I get that it's sad to you that they didn't prioritize owning the property the way you did, but you don't get to dictate others' feelings nor can you force how they spend their money. Hindsight may be 20/20 for them, but in that time they didn't want /couldn't afford to buy. You clearly did not step up to shoulder it for yourself and they do not owe their contribution in a vacation property.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Then you should have given them their share in cash. This is your fault, not theirs. I assume you couldn’t afford to buy them out?

We all have similar HHIs, so it would have been unfair to put the full burden on me and my husband. It was a very fair price but it wasn’t exactly a small sim; ot would have been a stretch for just us. Not to mention they likely would have tried to keep using it, right. I didn’t want that dynamic either.

Then you made a choice. Live with it.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:NP.
OP is sentimental about the beach house. She's probably also disappointed that her 2 siblings didn't even want to discuss buying out the uncle together with her.
She said it all went pretty quickly.
Did all 3 siblings even take the time to discuss all the options available to them?

Siblings did not want to discuss what options were available, because they didn’t want to carry a second vacation home with their siblings, full stop. Commingling money with family is often a recipe for disaster, especially when you have multiple families involved. OP was already complaining on this thread about how her siblings would want to use the house (that they paid for, but whatever…)

If OP seriously (not a flight of fancy) wanted to buy it herself, I trust she could have made a deal with her uncle and father.

It is a tricky dynamic for one sibling to just buy it all. Then what, OP and her husband change the locks and ban the others from visiting after they’ve been going there for 40 years? It also could look greedy and bullying to the broader extended family, as if one sibling is “big-shotting” the others.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:"millions in equity"

Real Property has appreciated over time - but not as much as the stock market. If you had invested the money in a general stock fund, you'd have as much, or more. What is stopping you from buying a beach house now with family if that is a goal.

When your kids ask for somewhere to go this weekend, tell them to read the WSJ and see how mom and dad’s index fund is doing.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:"millions in equity"

Real Property has appreciated over time - but not as much as the stock market. If you had invested the money in a general stock fund, you'd have as much, or more. What is stopping you from buying a beach house now with family if that is a goal.

When your kids ask for somewhere to go this weekend, tell them to read the WSJ and see how mom and dad’s index fund is doing.

So is OP concerned about the millions in equity or a place for her kids to go?

[Anonymous]

14 years ago I inherited my parents' house, my childhood home. DH and I live about 7 hours away and we decided to keep the house and use it as a vacation home. It's a 1970s house, all the rooms one one level, 2 bedrooms, 1 bathroom. It needs some work doing but not a lot.

I don't have siblings and I was the only beneficiary of my parents' estate. My aunts and uncles who live in the same town still wonder why I kept the house and every now and then they mention it must be expensive to keep it ...

I never question their decisions to buy hot tubs, Harley Davidsons, or help finance expensive property for their kids though ...

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:NP.
OP is sentimental about the beach house. She's probably also disappointed that her 2 siblings didn't even want to discuss buying out the uncle together with her.
She said it all went pretty quickly.
Did all 3 siblings even take the time to discuss all the options available to them?

Siblings did not want to discuss what options were available, because they didn’t want to carry a second vacation home with their siblings, full stop. Commingling money with family is often a recipe for disaster, especially when you have multiple families involved. OP was already complaining on this thread about how her siblings would want to use the house (that they paid for, but whatever…)

If OP seriously (not a flight of fancy) wanted to buy it herself, I trust she could have made a deal with her uncle and father.

It is a tricky dynamic for one sibling to just buy it all. Then what, OP and her husband change the locks and ban the others from visiting after they’ve been going there for 40 years? It also could look greedy and bullying to the broader extended family, as if one sibling is “big-shotting” the others.

Seems reasonable to us!

Regards,
DCUMs who are estranged from and/or hate their family

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:"millions in equity"

Real Property has appreciated over time - but not as much as the stock market. If you had invested the money in a general stock fund, you'd have as much, or more. What is stopping you from buying a beach house now with family if that is a goal.

When your kids ask for somewhere to go this weekend, tell them to read the WSJ and see how mom and dad’s index fund is doing.

So is OP concerned about the millions in equity or a place for her kids to go?

Vacation homes appreciate, are fun to use and build family memories in a short life on earth. Index funds appreciate and you can read how they’re doing at the kitchen table. Ask your kids which they’d rather have this weekend.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:NP.
OP is sentimental about the beach house. She's probably also disappointed that her 2 siblings didn't even want to discuss buying out the uncle together with her.
She said it all went pretty quickly.
Did all 3 siblings even take the time to discuss all the options available to them?

Siblings did not want to discuss what options were available, because they didn’t want to carry a second vacation home with their siblings, full stop. Commingling money with family is often a recipe for disaster, especially when you have multiple families involved. OP was already complaining on this thread about how her siblings would want to use the house (that they paid for, but whatever…)

If OP seriously (not a flight of fancy) wanted to buy it herself, I trust she could have made a deal with her uncle and father.

It is a tricky dynamic for one sibling to just buy it all. Then what, OP and her husband change the locks and ban the others from visiting after they’ve been going there for 40 years? It also could look greedy and bullying to the broader extended family, as if one sibling is “big-shotting” the others.

Okay.

How did you envision the stockings sorting out who got the shared house at peak vacation times, who did or arranged cleaning, whether it was used and restocked appropriately, etc? Did it involve some sort of glitter, and maybe a pony?

This was never going to be easy, and I think everyone knows that. Some siblings didn't value it enough to step into that. And that is A-Okay.

[Anonymous]

"the siblings"