Two siblings forced the sale of our inherited beach house and I can't get over it

[Anonymous]

Property was co-owned by our father and uncle. No messy drama. During estate at the end of our dad's life, we were offered the opportunity buy out our uncle for a very fair sum we could all afford. My husband and I wanted to, but my two siblings and their spouses said no. Not only did I know the property would never depreciate, I thought it was important to let our dad stay there with his limited time and also keep the family tradition going. Siblings didn't care, they wanted the cash, so the property was sold.

Now six years later the property is worth three times what it was. We would have millions in equity between the three of us if they listened. In addition, the family tradition was lost. I think it broke my dad's heart before he died that he couldn't spend his remaining months there and know it was staying in the family. It infuriates me so much, especially during a holiday week like this. And siblings have a tenancy to complain how expensive a beach house rental is for their family in the same area.

[Anonymous]

Why didn’t you buy out the uncle entirely, then? And be the half owner, with your uncles part, and then inherit a third of your dads share?

Owning a beach house with siblings is messy. You may have dodged a bullet.

[Anonymous]

Get over it. Everyone’s priorities and financial picture are different. If you wanted it so bad, you should have bought it outright, yourself.

[Anonymous]

I’m sorry this happened. Unfortunately there is literally nothing you can do about it now. This is clearly eating you up inside, however. You need to get over the anger and other feelings, because you can’t change what is water under the bridge. At this point all you can do is stop the continuing pain it’s causing you emotionally. A good therapist could help, especially because it’s all bound up with your sibling relationships. Good luck.

[Anonymous]

Then you should have given them their share in cash. This is your fault, not theirs. I assume you couldn’t afford to buy them out?

[Anonymous]

This happened 6 years ago. How much longer are you going to be pissed off about it? Every minute you spend thinking about it, posting on a listserv, etc is time away from enjoying your life today.

Meditate, write a letter and never send to your siblings, see a therapist, do whatever. Just figure out how to move on and let this go.

[Anonymous]

You need to get over this, OP. Far worse things have happened to people, in terms of inheritances and poor decisions made over them.

My family had a 25 year court battle over my Grandfather's will which led to my uncle and his family not talking to his sisters and their families. I regret the family schism deeply.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Then you should have given them their share in cash. This is your fault, not theirs. I assume you couldn’t afford to buy them out?

We all have similar HHIs, so it would have been unfair to put the full burden on me and my husband. It was a very fair price but it wasn’t exactly a small sim; ot would have been a stretch for just us. Not to mention they likely would have tried to keep using it, right. I didn’t want that dynamic either.

[Anonymous]

So you can't afford to buy a second home (join the club) and are blaming your siblings for that fact? Okay.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Then you should have given them their share in cash. This is your fault, not theirs. I assume you couldn’t afford to buy them out?

We all have similar HHIs, so it would have been unfair to put the full burden on me and my husband. It was a very fair price but it wasn’t exactly a small sim; ot would have been a stretch for just us. Not to mention they likely would have tried to keep using it, right. I didn’t want that dynamic either.

Wait! You wish they had joined you in buying out the uncle but that they didn't use the house? You can't afford a beach house, OP. Not your siblings' fault.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Then you should have given them their share in cash. This is your fault, not theirs. I assume you couldn’t afford to buy them out?

We all have similar HHIs, so it would have been unfair to put the full burden on me and my husband. It was a very fair price but it wasn’t exactly a small sim; ot would have been a stretch for just us. Not to mention they likely would have tried to keep using it, right. I didn’t want that dynamic either.

You don't know everything about their finances. They said they didn't want to buy out your uncle, and it's none of your business why. You could have "stretched" if it was that important to you.

[Anonymous]

Why couldn’t your uncle have waited until your dad passed to sell it? Seems cold.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Then you should have given them their share in cash. This is your fault, not theirs. I assume you couldn’t afford to buy them out?

We all have similar HHIs, so it would have been unfair to put the full burden on me and my husband. It was a very fair price but it wasn’t exactly a small sim; ot would have been a stretch for just us. Not to mention they likely would have tried to keep using it, right. I didn’t want that dynamic either.

Then it sounds like it wouldn’t have been a good decision. You really couldn’t afford it outright, so accept that. And you’re only thinking about the best parts of having a beach house, but you’re forgetting about all the problems that would also be yours to manage. You and your siblings don’t see eye to eye, so you’d be having issues with them every year.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Why couldn’t your uncle have waited until your dad passed to sell it? Seems cold.

Maybe he and Dad needed the money for his care.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Then you should have given them their share in cash. This is your fault, not theirs. I assume you couldn’t afford to buy them out?

We all have similar HHIs, so it would have been unfair to put the full burden on me and my husband. It was a very fair price but it wasn’t exactly a small sim; ot would have been a stretch for just us. Not to mention they likely would have tried to keep using it, right. I didn’t want that dynamic either.

So you could have made it work but chose not to, and now you’re blaming your siblings for that choice? That’s rich.