Two siblings forced the sale of our inherited beach house and I can't get over it

[Anonymous]

OP, you are really being silly. Were you seriously thinking that you and the siblings would happily hold on to the house forever, even as it increased in value? If it's really worth three times more now than it was six years ago -- which, I must say, I don't believe -- then it would have been even more impossible for any one of you to buy the others out. So, it always would have been just a matter of time before it had to be sold anyway.

[Anonymous]

Yeah, no. I don’t care if the value of the house went up. Beach houses + climate change = bye bye and/or huge hassles in max 5 years.

[Anonymous]

OP, I wouldn't buy a vacation house with my siblings. It's a great way to poison family relationships. It's not actually an investment: everyone has to keep putting money into it but the only return is a possible appreciation in value which is only realised when it is eventually sold. Somebody always wants to use it a lot more than others. Someone always gets stuck with organising the maintenance and other admin or end up doing it themselves. The ones who use it a lot want everyone to keep putting money into repairs and improvements even though they are not using it as much. Some siblings have spouses and families who might want to do other sorts of vacations. So they end up spending money on a house they use little plus on their own vacations.

[Anonymous]

You resent your siblings for not preserving this family tradition but have you not thought about what their spouses and families wanted? Did you expect them to pay for you to keep a tradition which was not theirs?

[Anonymous]

You could have bought them out OP.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:So you can't afford to buy a second home (join the club) and are blaming your siblings for that fact? Okay.

OP wanted to buy out the uncle together with her siblings (jointly) but the siblings said no. OP and her spouse could not afford to buy out the uncle on their own. This is how I interpret the story.

No kidding. I was being facetious. If OP could have afforded her own beach house, she wouldn't have had to rely on her siblings to go in on one with her. She can't blame her siblings that she couldn't afford it.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I agree with other pps that it was better to sell it. Multiple owners are a recipe for family strife.

There was zero drama with my dad and uncle. It was just short-sighted siblings. For the record, siblings NOW admit it was regretful. They've blown the cash we got for the property on airbnbs with their family in the same area the last five or six years. And for those saying get over it, I guess you don't have traditions in your family. I guess you don't know what it's like for your dad to lose his favorite place the last year of his life. It's hard to get over losing all of that and not to mention when you see it appreciate to a degree that it is permanently out of reach. It also splintered the family. We never get together like we used to. When we grew up with a big beach house full of cousins.

Hey OP, I grew up with my very large family going to a great big house in South Carolina every year, funded by my father. We would all still love to do that, but you know what? We can't afford it. You know who I blame for that? Nobody but myself.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I agree with other pps that it was better to sell it. Multiple owners are a recipe for family strife.

There was zero drama with my dad and uncle. It was just short-sighted siblings. For the record, siblings NOW admit it was regretful. They've blown the cash we got for the property on airbnbs with their family in the same area the last five or six years. And for those saying get over it, I guess you don't have traditions in your family. I guess you don't know what it's like for your dad to lose his favorite place the last year of his life. It's hard to get over losing all of that and not to mention when you see it appreciate to a degree that it is permanently out of reach. It also splintered the family. We never get together like we used to. When we grew up with a big beach house full of cousins.

I agree that it is sad, but the fantasy of having your kids grow up with a beach house full of cousins depended on other people being able to foot part of the bill. The odds are overwhelming that one of the three of you would have had to force the sale at some point, and as the house appreciated it would have been more and more tempting. I have fond memories of summers spent with my cousins, too, but that was 30 years ago and our kids have an entirely different childhood than we did.

I also find it a bit odd that you blame your siblings when it’s your uncle who forced the sale that kicked your dad out. Perhaps you can use your share of the proceeds of the sale to start saving for a retirement/second home that would enable you to leave a beach house to your own kids.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Property was co-owned by our father and uncle. No messy drama. During estate at the end of our dad's life, we were offered the opportunity buy out our uncle for a very fair sum we could all afford. My husband and I wanted to, but my two siblings and their spouses said no. Not only did I know the property would never depreciate, I thought it was important to let our dad stay there with his limited time and also keep the family tradition going. Siblings didn't care, they wanted the cash, so the property was sold.

Now six years later the property is worth three times what it was. We would have millions in equity between the three of us if they listened. In addition, the family tradition was lost. I think it broke my dad's heart before he died that he couldn't spend his remaining months there and know it was staying in the family. It infuriates me so much, especially during a holiday week like this. And siblings have a tenancy to complain how expensive a beach house rental is for their family in the same area.

Greed on their part. For people like this, I have this to say, "May they receive all he things they so richly deserve and may they come soon and in spades. ".

I would add, however, that you appear to be more upset about losing millions. Why didn't you buy them out?

[Anonymous]

Frankly I think trying to share maintenance, taxes and scheduling among 3 families sounds like a living hell.

[Anonymous]

I get it. My in-laws sold the lake house they had promised to us, because SIL bought a different lake house. Their thinking was "we have a new family lake house now." But gone is the family lake house we'd spent many many weekends at wit family and friends. And gone are our hopes for the future of having our own kids and grandkids growing up at the lake. (SIL's house is her house, it's not open for the family to use like the old lake house).

Listen, I totally understand how this sounds. I know that it was never our house, inlaws may have needed the money, and there's nothing to do about it. But how could we not feel disappointed? It's the end of an era.

[Anonymous]

property rarely lasts more than a couple of generations. There's a reason while male primogeniture was a thing for the landed gentry for so long. If you try to divide interest in one property, eventually everyone ends up with less than the value of the whole.

also, your dad was still alive. Why didn't he buy out your uncle?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I agree with other pps that it was better to sell it. Multiple owners are a recipe for family strife.

There was zero drama with my dad and uncle. It was just short-sighted siblings. For the record, siblings NOW admit it was regretful. They've blown the cash we got for the property on airbnbs with their family in the same area the last five or six years. And for those saying get over it, I guess you don't have traditions in your family. I guess you don't know what it's like for your dad to lose his favorite place the last year of his life. It's hard to get over losing all of that and not to mention when you see it appreciate to a degree that it is permanently out of reach. It also splintered the family. We never get together like we used to. When we grew up with a big beach house full of cousins.

Good lord. Ok, you win, OP. DON’T get over it. Ever. Grow old and die being the bitter, overly nostalgic sister who slowly grew estranged from her family. That sounds healthy and awesome. Your beloved father is gone. I’m so sorry about that. Do you think he’d be happy to know how much energy and emotion you are still spending on this? Please live in the present and plan for your future.

[Anonymous]

OP, what did you spend your inheritance on?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP, I feel your pain. in my family, after my grandfather passed 20 years ago, my grandmother sold a very valuable ocean view lot for a pittance. She didn't need the money one bit. She kept other less valuable properties. It was one of those situations where one should not make decisions when one is grieving. She was sad about the house that my grandfather wanted to build so she just sold it. Many in the family would have bought it, she didn't even give anyone a chance.

That lot today, in a very, very desirable beach area that is protected from climate change and whatnot due to the location. It remained undeveloped for decades. When it was finally sold, it went for $1.5m. As an undeveloped lot. To this day it still kills me. I've not gotten over it after 20 years. It doesn't help that the location remains my favorite vacation destination.

This is 100% on you. If it weren’t this, you would find something else to be upset about. Guaranteed.

Thanks for projecting, but sorry, you're wrong. I'm the PP you are referring to and I guess you would deem my entire extended family of pretty normal, functional people as somehow flawed because many of us feel the same way about the loss of the lot. We used to picnic there when we vacationed in the town and my grandfather would talk about the house plans he'd drafted (he was an architect).