Two siblings forced the sale of our inherited beach house and I can't get over it

[Anonymous]

The house May have gained on paper but that’s not money you would have. Instead, expenses like property taxes would have been higher. Sounds like it’s best if it would have been a stretch to afford the 1/3 share. Go buy your own smaller / less expensive beach house and start your own family traditions instead.

[Anonymous]

I agree with other pps that it was better to sell it. Multiple owners are a recipe for family strife.

[Anonymous]

OP -- YOU couldn't afford to buy it outright, by yourself. That's the only thing that matters. Your sibling's decision was reasonable It was logical. It wasn't the outcome you had wanted but why would you think you get to decide for others?

Again, you had the chance to buy it -- yourself. Just yourself. the fact that you couldn't afford to, well no one owes you what you consider the next best thing.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Then you should have given them their share in cash. This is your fault, not theirs. I assume you couldn’t afford to buy them out?

We all have similar HHIs, so it would have been unfair to put the full burden on me and my husband. It was a very fair price but it wasn’t exactly a small sim; ot would have been a stretch for just us. Not to mention they likely would have tried to keep using it, right. I didn’t want that dynamic either.

The bottom line is that you don't get to make financial decisions for anyone but you and your spouse. You do not get to dictate what your siblings do with their money or their inheritance.

You may have loved the beach house, but clearly your siblings did not agree. Frankly, I know my brother would love a beach house, my sister can't afford one and I have absolutely NO interest in one. If you were my brother trying to talk me into buying out a family beach house, the answer would have been a firm no and even now, with the value tripled, I would have the same lack of interest in the beach house, other than to constantly nag you about when we were going to sell it and realize that money. Paper profit does not interest me in the least and if I wasn't using the house, it would just be a horrible burden. I have enough paper assets that are a burden at tax time, the last thing I need is one more.

If you couldn't afford to do it on your own, and it sounds like you couldn't, then the right decision was made. I'm on team siblings on this one. For them, they got their inheritance without six years of financial headaches each tax year. My spouse has inheritance that that are still trying to extricate themselves from 3 years after my MIL passed.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:So you can't afford to buy a second home (join the club) and are blaming your siblings for that fact? Okay.

OP wanted to buy out the uncle together with her siblings (jointly) but the siblings said no. OP and her spouse could not afford to buy out the uncle on their own. This is how I interpret the story.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Property was co-owned by our father and uncle. No messy drama. During estate at the end of our dad's life, we were offered the opportunity buy out our uncle for a very fair sum we could all afford. My husband and I wanted to, but my two siblings and their spouses said no. Not only did I know the property would never depreciate, I thought it was important to let our dad stay there with his limited time and also keep the family tradition going. Siblings didn't care, they wanted the cash, so the property was sold.

Now six years later the property is worth three times what it was. We would have millions in equity between the three of us if they listened. In addition, the family tradition was lost. I think it broke my dad's heart before he died that he couldn't spend his remaining months there and know it was staying in the family. It infuriates me so much, especially during a holiday week like this. And siblings have a tenancy to complain how expensive a beach house rental is for their family in the same area.

I get it OP. Some family members are just clueless. Despite some obnoxious shitty replies above, the only useful
thread among all of them is that you do have to drop the rope and let it go. For yourself. Maybe you are more family oriented than they are. You have to focus on your family – and just drop that rope. BTDT and truly sympathize.

[Anonymous]

Guess what? Their money and what they want to spend it on is none of your business. At all. You don’t get to say who can “afford it,” when, and for what purpose.

[Anonymous]

OP, I feel your pain. in my family, after my grandfather passed 20 years ago, my grandmother sold a very valuable ocean view lot for a pittance. She didn't need the money one bit. She kept other less valuable properties. It was one of those situations where one should not make decisions when one is grieving. She was sad about the house that my grandfather wanted to build so she just sold it. Many in the family would have bought it, she didn't even give anyone a chance.

That lot today, in a very, very desirable beach area that is protected from climate change and whatnot due to the location. It remained undeveloped for decades. When it was finally sold, it went for $1.5m. As an undeveloped lot. To this day it still kills me. I've not gotten over it after 20 years. It doesn't help that the location remains my favorite vacation destination.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Then you should have given them their share in cash. This is your fault, not theirs. I assume you couldn’t afford to buy them out?

+1

Just like you couldn't afford to buy them out, they couldn't afford (or didn't want) to carry the house based on their own finances/situations.

[Anonymous]

Team siblings, I wouldn’t want to own a house with OP.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP, I feel your pain. in my family, after my grandfather passed 20 years ago, my grandmother sold a very valuable ocean view lot for a pittance. She didn't need the money one bit. She kept other less valuable properties. It was one of those situations where one should not make decisions when one is grieving. She was sad about the house that my grandfather wanted to build so she just sold it. Many in the family would have bought it, she didn't even give anyone a chance.

That lot today, in a very, very desirable beach area that is protected from climate change and whatnot due to the location. It remained undeveloped for decades. When it was finally sold, it went for $1.5m. As an undeveloped lot. To this day it still kills me. I've not gotten over it after 20 years. It doesn't help that the location remains my favorite vacation destination.

This is 100% on you. If it weren’t this, you would find something else to be upset about. Guaranteed.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Then you should have given them their share in cash. This is your fault, not theirs. I assume you couldn’t afford to buy them out?

We all have similar HHIs, so it would have been unfair to put the full burden on me and my husband. It was a very fair price but it wasn’t exactly a small sim; ot would have been a stretch for just us. Not to mention they likely would have tried to keep using it, right. I didn’t want that dynamic either.

You could've just bought it, or bought a different place. Fact is, it's their money too and they needed or wanted it, but you didn't want to buy them out. So I think the fault is yours. I know you look back and think what if we bought it and it tripled in value etc. Lots of people miss opportunities in real estate. Don't beat yourself up, or your siblings. Next time, don't hesitate. Take action, buy when time is right.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Then you should have given them their share in cash. This is your fault, not theirs. I assume you couldn’t afford to buy them out?

+1. It’s not your call, op.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I agree with other pps that it was better to sell it. Multiple owners are a recipe for family strife.

There was zero drama with my dad and uncle. It was just short-sighted siblings. For the record, siblings NOW admit it was regretful. They've blown the cash we got for the property on airbnbs with their family in the same area the last five or six years. And for those saying get over it, I guess you don't have traditions in your family. I guess you don't know what it's like for your dad to lose his favorite place the last year of his life. It's hard to get over losing all of that and not to mention when you see it appreciate to a degree that it is permanently out of reach. It also splintered the family. We never get together like we used to. When we grew up with a big beach house full of cousins.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:This happened 6 years ago. How much longer are you going to be pissed off about it? Every minute you spend thinking about it, posting on a listserv, etc is time away from enjoying your life today.

Meditate, write a letter and never send to your siblings, see a therapist, do whatever. Just figure out how to move on and let this go.

How many opportunities in life do you get to make millions of dollars while also keeping a family tradition going?