Tell me your best jokes

[Anonymous]

What happens if you axe a tree a tough question?


It gets stumped.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:How do you make a clown stop laughing?




Hit him in the face with an axe.

I don’t get this one!

[Anonymous]

There once was a zoo. It was a terrible zoo. It was so awful, it only had one animal. It was a shitzu. (Sh** zoo…)

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Any and all jokes. Please post them here. The cheesier the better.

Superman is performing aerial stunts in New York City and as he goes by the Empire State Bldg. He sees Wonder Woman sun bathing au naturel
"Umm, I've always fancied her. This could be my lucky day," he thinks to himself. He jumps over a couple of buildings in a single bound and finds himself on the sun deck with Wonder Woman. In true Superman fashion, he is faster than a speeding bullet and then swooshes off. Wonder Woman sits up and turns to the Invisible Man and says, "What was that all about"? "I don't know," said the Invisible Man, "but it hurt like Hell!"

[Anonymous]

It’s hard to explain puns to kleptomaniacs because they always take things literally.

[Anonymous]

The doctor told me to start killing people. Well, he said I should reduce the stress in my life. Pretty much the same.

[Anonymous]

A man is conducting a survey outside the U.S. capitol.
He approaches three men. One man is from New Jersey, one is from Texas, and one is from California.

The survey taker says, "Excuse me, but what do you think of the meat shortage?"

The guy from Texas says, "Excuse me, but what is a meat shortage?"
The guy from California says, "Excuse me, but what is meat?"
The guy from New Jersey says, "What is 'excuse me'"?

[Anonymous]

I’ve been good. No ice cream on Thursday. None on Friday. None on Saturday.
Then, Sundae.

[Anonymous]

They all laughed when I told them I was going to quit my day job and become a stand-up comic, but nobody's laughing now.

[Anonymous]

What do cheap pants and cheap hotels have in common?

No ball room.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:A man is conducting a survey outside the U.S. capitol.
He approaches three men. One man is from New Jersey, one is from Texas, and one is from California.

The survey taker says, "Excuse me, but what do you think of the meat shortage?"

The guy from Texas says, "Excuse me, but what is a meat shortage?"
The guy from California says, "Excuse me, but what is meat?"
The guy from New Jersey says, "What is 'excuse me'"?

I'm from New Jersey. You made me LOL!,

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:A man is conducting a survey outside the U.S. capitol.
He approaches three men. One man is from New Jersey, one is from Texas, and one is from California.

The survey taker says, "Excuse me, but what do you think of the meat shortage?"

The guy from Texas says, "Excuse me, but what is a meat shortage?"
The guy from California says, "Excuse me, but what is meat?"
The guy from New Jersey says, "What is 'excuse me'"?

I'm from New Jersey. You made me LOL!,

😆🤣😂

[Anonymous]

If April showers bring May flowers, what do May flowers bring?

Pilgrims.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:It’s hard to explain puns to kleptomaniacs because they always take things literally.

This just made my husband laugh when I told him. Thanks OP!

[Anonymous]

Three conspiracy theorists walk into a bar. Try telling me that’s not a coincidence!