Did you DH take his paternity leave?

[Anonymous]

He had just started a new job and they let him use vacation days he hadn’t accrued yet. 5. 2 of which were laboring/hospital. And he banked 1 jic. So, sort of?

[Anonymous]

The conference seems excessive. But splitting his leave would be smart. Maybe a month in beginning especially to help with older children, and another chunk when you return to work, save some for doc visits and any illnesses.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:The conference seems excessive. But splitting his leave would be smart. Maybe a month in beginning especially to help with older children, and another chunk when you return to work, save some for doc visits and any illnesses.

I get no paid maternity leave, just taking time off all unpaid.

My plan is for husband to take a week or two in the beginning and then a few more weeks after I return- frankly I'd prefer the majority of the time when I'm working and vice versa do a) have him practice caring for the kid independently/bonding and 2) delaying cost of childcare. but he also works from home- i'd be furious if he wanted to go to a conference 3 weeks after delivery

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I still can’t believe paternity leave is a thing. Do others have to pick up his slack when he’s gone? Does it take two people to care for a baby? My kids were born on a Tuesday and a Wednesday. DH was back at work Monday each time.

Shut up.

Yet another spoiled whiner. You will never be the Greatest Generation. The Snowflake Generation, maybe.

What exactly did the greatest generation do that was so great?

yes, also, caring for a child you helped create is sooo snowflakey

DP. I’m not opposed at all to paternity leave, but this BS “give everyone the same amount” is absurd. It totally undercuts women who work at small companies who can’t afford to give every single employee 12 weeks off paid with every child. Men don’t give birth, despite this weird narrative going around. Part of maternity leave is recuperating from the body upheaval one goes through after giving birth. Men should be able to take a couple of weeks to bond and help out while the woman is in the thick of healing. Beyond that, yeah it’s pretty snowflake-y, judging by the fact that humanity has been around for thousands of years and *just now* men feel entitled to three months off PAID after every birth of their kid.

Can we just get universal paid maternity leave for women first? Can we just start there? Sheesh.
-millennial

I totally disagree.

For thousands of years, men HAVE been actively involved in raising their infants the first few months. Human babies require more care and attention than any other animal, and we wouldn’t have survived if only mothers cared for babies.

Men do need the extra rest, because they are also getting up multiple times a night to help out those first few months.

And most importantly, research has found men with longer paternity leave spend more time on childcare. This is extremely important for children’s well being AND for women, as a man who participates more with his children eases the burden placed on moms for childcare. If men are also able to leave work early, have flexible hours, take time off for doctor’s appointments, etc that is less responsibility placed on moms.

Also, I own a small business and bottom line is that if I can’t afford to give parental leave, I can’t afford to hire someone. I’ve found it is more cost effective and better for my business overall if I invest the money in hiring the right person and giving them things like leave, rather than hiring someone less qualified and then cleaning up their mistakes and having to hire a new person when they decide not to come back after having a baby. There are MANY other ways to help woman-owned businesses that are more effective than just excusing them from giving parental leave.

And I don’t buy the “recovery” argument. I recovered right away after both my births. Even after a c section, I was back to 100% within a few days. Does that mean I should have to go back to work earlier than someone who needs the full 12 weeks?

Where’s the research that shows men need 3 months paid paternity leave to maximize their 18 years of childcaring responsibilities? Lol. I’ll wait.

Also, what color is the sky in your world? No, women do not recover in 3 days. You certainly did not recover in 3 days if you had a c section. You may have *felt* fine, which is vastly different than actual recovery. Men have no physical recovery after the birth of a child. That is a fact.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I would demand he take the leave. Not only for his own family (most important) but it also benefits the company culture at his work for men to take their leave. I cannot stress this enough.

I agree. People who don't take the leave they're entitled to mess things up for everyone else.

[Anonymous]

My husband didn't get paternity leave when our first was born but he took off 2 weeks of his vacation time. He got 3 weeks of parental leave w/ our 2nd and took it all, of course. He wanted to anyway but if he hadn't wanted to, I would've insisted. I not only needed him at home to help w/ our toddler and baby and help take care of me but I thought it was really important that he be there for family bonding. I would've been so upset if he hadn't taken all the time he could. Your DH is so lucky to get so much time off. It would be a real shame if he didn't take it.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I still can’t believe paternity leave is a thing. Do others have to pick up his slack when he’s gone? Does it take two people to care for a baby? My kids were born on a Tuesday and a Wednesday. DH was back at work Monday each time.

Shut up.

Yet another spoiled whiner. You will never be the Greatest Generation. The Snowflake Generation, maybe.

What exactly did the greatest generation do that was so great?

yes, also, caring for a child you helped create is sooo snowflakey

DP. I’m not opposed at all to paternity leave, but this BS “give everyone the same amount” is absurd. It totally undercuts women who work at small companies who can’t afford to give every single employee 12 weeks off paid with every child. Men don’t give birth, despite this weird narrative going around. Part of maternity leave is recuperating from the body upheaval one goes through after giving birth. Men should be able to take a couple of weeks to bond and help out while the woman is in the thick of healing. Beyond that, yeah it’s pretty snowflake-y, judging by the fact that humanity has been around for thousands of years and *just now* men feel entitled to three months off PAID after every birth of their kid.

Can we just get universal paid maternity leave for women first? Can we just start there? Sheesh.
-millennial

I totally disagree.

For thousands of years, men HAVE been actively involved in raising their infants the first few months. Human babies require more care and attention than any other animal, and we wouldn’t have survived if only mothers cared for babies.

Men do need the extra rest, because they are also getting up multiple times a night to help out those first few months.

And most importantly, research has found men with longer paternity leave spend more time on childcare. This is extremely important for children’s well being AND for women, as a man who participates more with his children eases the burden placed on moms for childcare. If men are also able to leave work early, have flexible hours, take time off for doctor’s appointments, etc that is less responsibility placed on moms.

Also, I own a small business and bottom line is that if I can’t afford to give parental leave, I can’t afford to hire someone. I’ve found it is more cost effective and better for my business overall if I invest the money in hiring the right person and giving them things like leave, rather than hiring someone less qualified and then cleaning up their mistakes and having to hire a new person when they decide not to come back after having a baby. There are MANY other ways to help woman-owned businesses that are more effective than just excusing them from giving parental leave.

And I don’t buy the “recovery” argument. I recovered right away after both my births. Even after a c section, I was back to 100% within a few days. Does that mean I should have to go back to work earlier than someone who needs the full 12 weeks?

Where’s the research that shows men need 3 months paid paternity leave to maximize their 18 years of childcaring responsibilities? Lol. I’ll wait.

Also, what color is the sky in your world? No, women do not recover in 3 days. You certainly did not recover in 3 days if you had a c section. You may have *felt* fine, which is vastly different than actual recovery. Men have no physical recovery after the birth of a child. That is a fact.

Google is your friend. There’s been many studies done that found longer paternity leave leads to fathers being more involved and more mothers returning to the workplace.

If you aren’t interested in actually reading the research so you can keep saying “LOL!” then don’t. But it’s there.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:The conference seems excessive. But splitting his leave would be smart. Maybe a month in beginning especially to help with older children, and another chunk when you return to work, save some for doc visits and any illnesses.

I get no paid maternity leave, just taking time off all unpaid.

My plan is for husband to take a week or two in the beginning and then a few more weeks after I return- frankly I'd prefer the majority of the time when I'm working and vice versa do a) have him practice caring for the kid independently/bonding and 2) delaying cost of childcare. but he also works from home- i'd be furious if he wanted to go to a conference 3 weeks after delivery

PP I was unpaid as well. Which was another reason he accepted the few days he was able to. I’m self employed and saved some, but it wasn’t enough to have us both home.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I still can’t believe paternity leave is a thing. Do others have to pick up his slack when he’s gone? Does it take two people to care for a baby? My kids were born on a Tuesday and a Wednesday. DH was back at work Monday each time.

Shut up.

Yet another spoiled whiner. You will never be the Greatest Generation. The Snowflake Generation, maybe.

What exactly did the greatest generation do that was so great?

yes, also, caring for a child you helped create is sooo snowflakey

DP. I’m not opposed at all to paternity leave, but this BS “give everyone the same amount” is absurd. It totally undercuts women who work at small companies who can’t afford to give every single employee 12 weeks off paid with every child. Men don’t give birth, despite this weird narrative going around. Part of maternity leave is recuperating from the body upheaval one goes through after giving birth. Men should be able to take a couple of weeks to bond and help out while the woman is in the thick of healing. Beyond that, yeah it’s pretty snowflake-y, judging by the fact that humanity has been around for thousands of years and *just now* men feel entitled to three months off PAID after every birth of their kid.

Can we just get universal paid maternity leave for women first? Can we just start there? Sheesh.
-millennial

I totally disagree.

For thousands of years, men HAVE been actively involved in raising their infants the first few months. Human babies require more care and attention than any other animal, and we wouldn’t have survived if only mothers cared for babies.

Men do need the extra rest, because they are also getting up multiple times a night to help out those first few months.

And most importantly, research has found men with longer paternity leave spend more time on childcare. This is extremely important for children’s well being AND for women, as a man who participates more with his children eases the burden placed on moms for childcare. If men are also able to leave work early, have flexible hours, take time off for doctor’s appointments, etc that is less responsibility placed on moms.

Also, I own a small business and bottom line is that if I can’t afford to give parental leave, I can’t afford to hire someone. I’ve found it is more cost effective and better for my business overall if I invest the money in hiring the right person and giving them things like leave, rather than hiring someone less qualified and then cleaning up their mistakes and having to hire a new person when they decide not to come back after having a baby. There are MANY other ways to help woman-owned businesses that are more effective than just excusing them from giving parental leave.

And I don’t buy the “recovery” argument. I recovered right away after both my births. Even after a c section, I was back to 100% within a few days. Does that mean I should have to go back to work earlier than someone who needs the full 12 weeks?

Where’s the research that shows men need 3 months paid paternity leave to maximize their 18 years of childcaring responsibilities? Lol. I’ll wait.

Also, what color is the sky in your world? No, women do not recover in 3 days. You certainly did not recover in 3 days if you had a c section. You may have *felt* fine, which is vastly different than actual recovery. Men have no physical recovery after the birth of a child. That is a fact.

Google is your friend. There’s been many studies done that found longer paternity leave leads to fathers being more involved and more mothers returning to the workplace.

If you aren’t interested in actually reading the research so you can keep saying “LOL!” then don’t. But it’s there.

No, it’s not. Even if your thesis is true, the research can’t exist because no man was taking three months paid leave >18 years ago, idiot.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I still can’t believe paternity leave is a thing. Do others have to pick up his slack when he’s gone? Does it take two people to care for a baby? My kids were born on a Tuesday and a Wednesday. DH was back at work Monday each time.

Shut up.

Yet another spoiled whiner. You will never be the Greatest Generation. The Snowflake Generation, maybe.

What exactly did the greatest generation do that was so great?

yes, also, caring for a child you helped create is sooo snowflakey

DP. I’m not opposed at all to paternity leave, but this BS “give everyone the same amount” is absurd. It totally undercuts women who work at small companies who can’t afford to give every single employee 12 weeks off paid with every child. Men don’t give birth, despite this weird narrative going around. Part of maternity leave is recuperating from the body upheaval one goes through after giving birth. Men should be able to take a couple of weeks to bond and help out while the woman is in the thick of healing. Beyond that, yeah it’s pretty snowflake-y, judging by the fact that humanity has been around for thousands of years and *just now* men feel entitled to three months off PAID after every birth of their kid.

Can we just get universal paid maternity leave for women first? Can we just start there? Sheesh.
-millennial

I totally disagree.

For thousands of years, men HAVE been actively involved in raising their infants the first few months. Human babies require more care and attention than any other animal, and we wouldn’t have survived if only mothers cared for babies.

Men do need the extra rest, because they are also getting up multiple times a night to help out those first few months.

And most importantly, research has found men with longer paternity leave spend more time on childcare. This is extremely important for children’s well being AND for women, as a man who participates more with his children eases the burden placed on moms for childcare. If men are also able to leave work early, have flexible hours, take time off for doctor’s appointments, etc that is less responsibility placed on moms.

Also, I own a small business and bottom line is that if I can’t afford to give parental leave, I can’t afford to hire someone. I’ve found it is more cost effective and better for my business overall if I invest the money in hiring the right person and giving them things like leave, rather than hiring someone less qualified and then cleaning up their mistakes and having to hire a new person when they decide not to come back after having a baby. There are MANY other ways to help woman-owned businesses that are more effective than just excusing them from giving parental leave.

And I don’t buy the “recovery” argument. I recovered right away after both my births. Even after a c section, I was back to 100% within a few days. Does that mean I should have to go back to work earlier than someone who needs the full 12 weeks?

Where’s the research that shows men need 3 months paid paternity leave to maximize their 18 years of childcaring responsibilities? Lol. I’ll wait.

Also, what color is the sky in your world? No, women do not recover in 3 days. You certainly did not recover in 3 days if you had a c section. You may have *felt* fine, which is vastly different than actual recovery. Men have no physical recovery after the birth of a child. That is a fact.

Google is your friend. There’s been many studies done that found longer paternity leave leads to fathers being more involved and more mothers returning to the workplace.

If you aren’t interested in actually reading the research so you can keep saying “LOL!” then don’t. But it’s there.

No, it’s not. Even if your thesis is true, the research can’t exist because no man was taking three months paid leave >18 years ago, idiot.

In other countries they were. Idiot.

[Anonymous]

Mine didn’t with our first- took about 3 days and went back to work. He did with our second- about 2 months full time to delay daycare after my leave. I wish he could/would have taken more but he was and is very bonded with our kids.

Hell no to leaving you with 2 kids + a newborn for a conference, though.

[Anonymous]

I'd say no to the conference. That seems way too soon, unless you have family who can come and help out while he's gone.

My DH took 2 weeks off when our 2nd baby was born, then the remaining 10 weeks after I went back to work. He didn't have paternity leave with our first, but he took a week off when she was born and a month when I went back to work.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I would demand he take the leave. Not only for his own family (most important) but it also benefits the company culture at his work for men to take their leave. I cannot stress this enough.

Agree. Really important for men to step up and set an example for other men, their employers, etc, that childcare is a shared responsibility. Directly related to the million other threads about husbands not doing enough, wives being burnt out from childcare, and the default cultural assumption that still places this work on women.

[Anonymous]

OMG it’s clear like 99% of commenters here have NO IDEA how paternity works and no experience w it.

Let’s be clear, it’s not allowed for mom AND dad to take leave at the same time unless mom is recovering (as in the first week or two or C-section). Otherwise you can’t both take 12 weeks (or whatever) at the same time bc the requirement is only one primary caregiver at a time!!!

So, the whole idea for folks like me whose spouse DID take paternity is to have them back to back to extend the time an infant is with a parent and to give Dad one-on-one time which is an absolute game changer for 1) level of bonding, 2) dads getting confidence to challenge moms on parenting decisions, 3) avoiding default parenting on mom, 4) mom not worrying who is with baby on her first weeks/months back at work (so helpful for your mental state), and 5) sharing the “hit” to a career that is taking parental leave for either parent.

I don’t think any Dad has to take paternity to set an example. That’s pretentious BS. If your wife doesn't work, or doesn’t have a good job, then you have no justification for taking the time off from work to be the primary care giver. Is the mom going back to work earlier than she wants just so dad can take over to prove a point to the other guys at work!?! No, she’s only going back to work bc of her economic value to the family unit and she either does or doesn’t have that.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OMG it’s clear like 99% of commenters here have NO IDEA how paternity works and no experience w it.

Let’s be clear, it’s not allowed for mom AND dad to take leave at the same time unless mom is recovering (as in the first week or two or C-section). Otherwise you can’t both take 12 weeks (or whatever) at the same time bc the requirement is only one primary caregiver at a time!!!

So, the whole idea for folks like me whose spouse DID take paternity is to have them back to back to extend the time an infant is with a parent and to give Dad one-on-one time which is an absolute game changer for 1) level of bonding, 2) dads getting confidence to challenge moms on parenting decisions, 3) avoiding default parenting on mom, 4) mom not worrying who is with baby on her first weeks/months back at work (so helpful for your mental state), and 5) sharing the “hit” to a career that is taking parental leave for either parent.

I don’t think any Dad has to take paternity to set an example. That’s pretentious BS. If your wife doesn't work, or doesn’t have a good job, then you have no justification for taking the time off from work to be the primary care giver. Is the mom going back to work earlier than she wants just so dad can take over to prove a point to the other guys at work!?! No, she’s only going back to work bc of her economic value to the family unit and she either does or doesn’t have that.

What are you even talking about? I don’t think YOU know how this works. Parental leave is for 8 weeks regardless of gender at my company; mothers who give birth have an extra 6-8 weeks for short term disability. Of course you can take it at the same time. Do you work for a government agency with some weird requirements? In the private sector, this is company dictated and they generally don’t ask for proof or care. The point is bonding.

It’s not pretentious at all - it’s real. If your boss or others in the department/team don’t take their paternity leaves, other men are less likely to take leaves even if needed or wanted for fear of negative impact to their careers.