Did you DH take his paternity leave?

[Anonymous]

My DH took a week with our first and 2 days with our second. We had family help with our firstborn, but I was on my own when our second arrived, because it was in the early days of the pandemic. I also had the 4yo home with me at that point, too. I had a quick and uncomplicated vaginal delivery, but I ended up having post-partum bleeding issues because I was trying to do too much caring for both children alone. I can’t imagine juggling 2 children and a newborn with a c section recovery. Do you have other help available, OP?

[Anonymous]

For all feds, it is now 12 weeks paid.

[Anonymous]

DH took 6 weeks - this was before Feds had leave and he used up his PTO. If we have another he will take every hour; he loved his paternity leave time. I'd get texts with pictures of them from a different brewery damn near every day.

[Anonymous]

Mine is taking two weeks when the baby is born, and then will take the remainder when I go back to work. We think this will help my recovery and make my transition back to full time employment less stressful.

[Anonymous]

My husband got 12 weeks fully paid the first time and 8 weeks at partial pay the second time.

He took the full 12 weeks both times, even though the second time he had to take a pay hit and eat a fair amount of PTO. Both times, he did two weeks with me immediately after the birth, then 10 weeks after my leave was up.

I would not have children with someone who was unwilling to do this. Full stop. I don't play this "mom is the primary parent, dad helps out when he can" crap.

[Anonymous]

He took two weeks and I was so relieved when he went back the first time. His idea of helping was picking up takeout food for every meal and this was when we were broke 20 somethings and I was terrified we couldn't afford to be parents. The second time we had more money and he also took care of the toddler so I was glad he was there.

[Anonymous]

Your DH has made it very clear that the baby is your responsibility and not his. Perhaps you’re okay with this. Some couples don’t mind a more traditional arrangement. The problem is that now you have a third kid and there is nothing you can do. Sure, you can force him perhaps to take the leave, but he already seems to think this is on you. Unfortunately, if you don’t want to be the primary parent you have to figure out this stuff before having a baby. Make sure to not continue to have children with him if you’re not okay with how he parents or doesn’t parent.

[Anonymous]

That sounds crappy if you have a c section. I had regular deliveries and my DH took a day or two of vacation for each birth, and it worked out fine. I was able to take a nap every day when older kids were at daycare and baby was sleeping.

He can probably take the time at a later point but within 12 months - maybe after your maternity leave ends?

[Anonymous]

My husband got three days twenty something years ago.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:My DH gets 14 weeks paternity leave but he only plans to take 2 weeks after birth essentially. He also wants to go to a conference on the 3rd week. And I’ll be having a c-section. It’s our 3rd but he never got a leave before. Would you be disappointed he’s not more involved? I mean, I work at a pretty high stress/profile job too.

You are recovering from surgery. And you have other children. You should be on modified bed rest for 2weeks and limited activity for the following 4 weeks. He can take leave or he can pay for a 24/7 doula

[Anonymous]

I’ll buck the trend a bit here - I think a lot depends on the culture of his workplace and the importance of his career/job to your family’s financial well being. If most men are doing 14 weeks? Then yes, I would expect it. If no men actually take the leave? No, I wouldn’t want him to be an outlier.

DH took a week with our first (during the height of COVID) and then returned to regular WFH. He would take the baby in the morning so I could get more sleep. Family came in 2-4 days spurts for the first 4 weeks. For our second, we will probably induce on a Saturday and he will take a week again. He works in finance and most men take a few days at most. One guy took a weekend (which would have pissed me off personally, but not my marriage.) One week is what DH can do in light of the intensity and seniority of his job and I’m happy with that. We also have family coming in town to assist for days here and there. We also have a nanny, so I acknowledge my privilege there.

I’ve had girlfriends get really self righteous about this, but I do think it’s personal to each family.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I still can’t believe paternity leave is a thing. Do others have to pick up his slack when he’s gone? Does it take two people to care for a baby? My kids were born on a Tuesday and a Wednesday. DH was back at work Monday each time.

If this isn’t a troll post by a man, I feel genuinely sorry for you and your child.

[Anonymous]

My dh took 20 weeks (we have a very generous policy but some of this was unpaid) for each of our kids. A month with me at the beginning, the rest after I'd returned to work. I personally can't imagine recovery let alone a relationship or partnership with someone who didn't help out in the beginning and who wasn't eager to use his full allowed time, but I know others feel differently.

[Anonymous]

DH took every minute of his leave and all PTO and vacation. It was nearly 17 years ago and was thought to ruin his career. It absolutely didn’t. And his relationship with our child has always been very close.

Those months of all three of us nesting as a new family are some of the sweetest memories of my life.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I still can’t believe paternity leave is a thing. Do others have to pick up his slack when he’s gone? Does it take two people to care for a baby? My kids were born on a Tuesday and a Wednesday. DH was back at work Monday each time.

You sound very immature and not with the times.