Did you DH take his paternity leave?

[Anonymous]

My DH gets 14 weeks paternity leave but he only plans to take 2 weeks after birth essentially. He also wants to go to a conference on the 3rd week. And I’ll be having a c-section. It’s our 3rd but he never got a leave before. Would you be disappointed he’s not more involved? I mean, I work at a pretty high stress/profile job too.

[Anonymous]

I would demand he take the leave. Not only for his own family (most important) but it also benefits the company culture at his work for men to take their leave. I cannot stress this enough.

[Anonymous]

My husband took his full 8 weeks and I really really needed him home for all of that time. All I could deal with was my recovery and feeding the baby. I was so weak and hormonal (uncomplicated vaginal birth).
He did all grocery shopping, meals, laundry/ household stuff. And most diaper changes along with helping to calm the baby during fussy periods.

It’s difficult to overemphasize how important it is to have a partner’s help. But you also didn’t mention why your DH wants to go back so soon and whether the leave is paid and how you all plan to share childcare.

[Anonymous]

Oh it’s your third. Seems like there’s more going on here. Do you think you need his help?

[Anonymous]

Oh hell no. I would tell him to move out if he doesn't plan to take all his paternity leave. He will stay home for 14 weeks and BOND WITH HIS BABY and TAKE CARE OF HIS WIFE.

[Anonymous]

Wow. Much has changed for the better. My then-husband took three days off, over a weekend, to help. He was home maybe 30 minutes a day that our babies were awake during the work week that first year. I worked both inside the home and outside. I now get sick thinking of how people complained that I had the audacity to ask him to do the 11pm feeding since he missed most of the rest of the care. Sisters be strong and I am happy things have changed. 🤗

[Anonymous]

Damn right he did.
This took two people to create.
Both times I needed time to rest and heal. Both times I wanted and needed my husband to help me and help the baby, second time I needed him even more bc of our wild 3 year old and it being the dead of winter.

First time he used 3 weeks full days off then half days for 2 weeks. Second time was very similar with another week of half days added on.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I would demand he take the leave. Not only for his own family (most important) but it also benefits the company culture at his work for men to take their leave. I cannot stress this enough.

This.

Even if he can't take the leave right away, can he take it sometime during the baby's first year? It is so important that men taking parental leave (when it's available) becomes the norm!

[Anonymous]

For the first two, he took intermittent leave - so he took two weeks when they were born and then worked a shortened schedule (no Fridays when and sometimes no Mondays) while I was on leave so that I could have some support. For DD3, he actually had paid leave and he took it. He took three weeks when the baby was born (I had a csection) and then took 8 weeks when baby was 4 months old and I went back to work.

It was awesome for him to have that time. It was awesome for him to share the responsibilities. It is important to create cultures where men take time off.

[Anonymous]

Yep, DH even took full unpaid FMLA. Worth every penny of lost income.

[Anonymous]

My DH took paternity leave twice OVER 20 YEARS AGO. very important to family dynamics that he cared for babies when I started back to work. And he is very successful and driven at work too. For OP maybe agree that he does the conference he wants to do but that he will take some leave later when you go back to work or just when he gets back from conference to help you.

[Anonymous]

My kids are 29 and 30. Paternity leave did not exist when they were born. My DH took a week of his vacation.

[Anonymous]

My husband took 4 weeks but worked every day. His out of office message even said he’d reply within 24 hours. He set such a bad example for other parents in his firm I’m embarrassed. He hardly took care of me recovering from c-section.

Fast forward six months and now he whines that he doesn’t get enough time with our baby.

I’d demand my husband take true leave if I could do it over.

[Anonymous]

Yes 4 weeks at the beginning and then 6 weeks at the end of mine alone to delay daycare. Wonderful experience.

[Anonymous]

He needs to take it. How he takes it can be broken up like other pop’s have done, or it can be all at once if you’d prefer. I’d be furious over the conference when you have a newborn too - you’ll need help with the other 2!