New boyfriend loves this comedy routine- red flag? Or am I overthinking?

[Anonymous]

DH here 18 years into a great marriage with 3 kids. Agreeing with jokes like that in a comedy routine is perfectly A-OK.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP: When I talk to him, I was going to use the analogy of us watching a female comedian who said that all men are dogs and worthless pieces of crap and that women only like them for their money. And that we both laughed and that afterward, I said that I secretly agreed with much of that but it's not appropriate to say in real life, and how would he feel?

Do you think this is a decent analogy?

No. And don;t forget to tell him you came to an anonymous board to strategize your thinking and develop a response. Better yet, show this to him. That will save him a lot of time.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Girls who don’t like Patrice’s jokes are just feeling the heat because he’s hitting too close to home. They’re very likely unattractive and talk too much. 60/40 they’ve got excessive body hair. Go ahead and dump him. Spare him the misery.

Patrice O'Neal - who I had to google - was a gross fat slob that died of a stroke at 41 because he was a gross fat slob. Thankfully, no children.

Aren't you all amused at how funny that is?

Keep your day job.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:The fact he “relates to this” is pretty horrific. It would be one thing if he said “sure, there may be a small kernel of truth to some pieces of this, but a lot of it is totally over the top.” I personally would have turned it off and have expected my husband to do the same.

EXACTLY. That is what comedy usually is. Taking a kernel of truth and exploding it. And we all feel that tug of recognition in our souls that our wife talks too much, and puts out too little, and our husbands are pigs and life would be easier if they'd just do as I say, but ... that's why we laugh! Because it is true, we are uncomfortable, and seen.

Sexist humor can be funny. But if you actually live by a sexist moral code - no thank you, good bye.

+1 This might be the beginning of the end for me.

I am 39. Dumped a mid-40's guy becauase while he wanted to come across as a good guy, he clearly thought what he wanted and needed was way more important than anything I wanted or needed.

Good guys don't really think like that. I would watch what he does in the next few weeks with more scrutinty. But after only 3 months, I might know it is already over. I don't need to spend another moment on another jerk.

[Anonymous]

A lot of women here really want the guy you read in your romance novels that doesn’t exist in real life. And you want him to be filthy rich so you can not work and live off his fortune.

Some of you sound very miserable.

[Anonymous]

OP, the most important thing in this is that your instincts are giving you warning bells. Many times we find we are in years of a bad relationship, wasting a lot of time, because we shrugged early things off and didn’t trust our instincts. Then we acknowledge later that we should have listened.

As said above, the issue isn’t the comedy routine or laughing at extreme comments. The issue is that he has stated, out in the open, that he agrees with it all. All comedy is made up of kernels of truth, but completely agreeing with extreme comments is different. To your point, if you were to tell a man that the only thing they’re good for is paying the bills, and you hate having to be in a room with them the rest of the time, and any aging on them disgusts you…odds are he would have an issue being in a relationship with you if that’s how you really felt.

I agree with others that you should find an opportunity soon to suss out more about what he meant when he said he agreed with everything the comedian said. He may not have meant that comment the way you are interpreting it. If he clarifies that yes, he meant what he said at face value, that he truly believes all the extreme sentiment, or he blows off your question and says you are being too sensitive/can’t take a joke, then your instincts are right. You should move on.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:A lot of women here really want the guy you read in your romance novels that doesn’t exist in real life. And you want him to be filthy rich so you can not work and live off his fortune.

Some of you sound very miserable.

Yes, indeed it is quite absurd that women like the OP expect a man who respects them and doesn’t tell lewd jokes at their expense. What a ridiculous fantasy that doesn’t exist in real life.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Patrice was hilarious. You are the one throwing off red flags with your lack of sense of humor. I'd tell the guy to run.

plus one. The war on comedians suck. Inappropriate comedians is why we like them. This area has is insane and I’d tell the guy to run, too

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP: When I talk to him, I was going to use the analogy of us watching a female comedian who said that all men are dogs and worthless pieces of crap and that women only like them for their money. And that we both laughed and that afterward, I said that I secretly agreed with much of that but it's not appropriate to say in real life, and how would he feel?

Do you think this is a decent analogy?

What's the point? How do you think this conversation is going to go? You know the answer, OP. Thats why you posted here, hoping we'd tell you it's no big deal. But it's actually a huge red flag, possibly indicating an abuser looking for his next victim. Your gut feeling is correct.

Not taking you to the improv, ever

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:A lot of women here really want the guy you read in your romance novels that doesn’t exist in real life. And you want him to be filthy rich so you can not work and live off his fortune.

Some of you sound very miserable.

Yes, indeed it is quite absurd that women like the OP expect a man who respects them and doesn’t tell lewd jokes at their expense. What a ridiculous fantasy that doesn’t exist in real life.

The OP’s bf didn’t tell the joke. The comedian told the joke.

[Anonymous]

It’s comedy, you uptight, fake stupid asses!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:A lot of women here really want the guy you read in your romance novels that doesn’t exist in real life. And you want him to be filthy rich so you can not work and live off his fortune.

Some of you sound very miserable.

Yes, indeed it is quite absurd that women like the OP expect a man who respects them and doesn’t tell lewd jokes at their expense. What a ridiculous fantasy that doesn’t exist in real life.

Nothing about the OPs post indicated that her boyfriend did not respect her, or that he told lewd jokes at her expense. He laughed at a comedy routine she did not like. That is all he did.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:A lot of women here really want the guy you read in your romance novels that doesn’t exist in real life. And you want him to be filthy rich so you can not work and live off his fortune.

Some of you sound very miserable.

Yes, indeed it is quite absurd that women like the OP expect a man who respects them and doesn’t tell lewd jokes at their expense. What a ridiculous fantasy that doesn’t exist in real life.

The OP’s bf didn’t tell the joke. The comedian told the joke.

The OP's bf told her that is how he thinks.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:A lot of women here really want the guy you read in your romance novels that doesn’t exist in real life. And you want him to be filthy rich so you can not work and live off his fortune.

Some of you sound very miserable.

Yes, indeed it is quite absurd that women like the OP expect a man who respects them and doesn’t tell lewd jokes at their expense. What a ridiculous fantasy that doesn’t exist in real life.

Nothing about the OPs post indicated that her boyfriend did not respect her, or that he told lewd jokes at her expense. He laughed at a comedy routine she did not like. That is all he did.

Not exactly. The OPs boyfriend told her that is how he thinks.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:A lot of women here really want the guy you read in your romance novels that doesn’t exist in real life. And you want him to be filthy rich so you can not work and live off his fortune.

Some of you sound very miserable.

Yes, indeed it is quite absurd that women like the OP expect a man who respects them and doesn’t tell lewd jokes at their expense. What a ridiculous fantasy that doesn’t exist in real life.

Nothing about the OPs post indicated that her boyfriend did not respect her, or that he told lewd jokes at her expense. He laughed at a comedy routine she did not like. That is all he did.

No, they both laughed at the provocative comedy routine about men wanting to kill their wives and women over 30 being worthless. Then he went into an unnecessary monologue about how the comedy routine represents how all men actually feel about women. I think Patrice O'Neill is hilarious. I also think OP's boyfriend is a walking red flag and at the very least an adult man with no social skills.