DD’s team mates think DH is creepy

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP, I have a 14-year-old DD. I do a lot of carpools with 14 and 15 year-olds, plus my daughter has friends over often. Seriously, they use the word creep and creepy all the time, “pedo” also. They think most of their male teachers and male coaches are creeps. When I ask for examples they are ridiculous. For example, they think one of their soccer coaches is a creep because he has been telling one of the girls how great she is playing and how much she has improved. Which she has, but because it comes from a male coach it’s creepy. The little extra attention, instead of feeling encouraged, makes them all think that he is into her. All the examples about their male teaches being creeps are similar to this. I feel for male teachers middle school and high school, as well as male coaches for female teams. It cannot be easy.

OMG, yes! I was going to write something very similar to this. I have an eighth grader and she calls her male teachers teachers creeps all the time. Just yesterday she told me that one of her friends went to the bathroom right before a test was handed out. She took a really long time, and when she came back the teacher was annoyed and said something like “what were you doing in there, that took a really long time!”. He likes to hand out the test when everybody’s in the classroom, But the girls decided that he was a creep because he wanted to know what this girl was doing in the bathroom.

He shouldn’t be asking. She might have her period, be sick, whatever. If he is someone routinely abusing the bathroom, make them go to the nurses office not ask in front of class. That is creepy

Oh, please stop. The girl took a very long time, and I know from DD that the reason was that she happened to coincide with another friend in the bathroom and were doing tik toks, yes tik toks in the bathroom. So the teacher was annoyed because the whole class was waiting for her to take the test.

Right and the consequence should be to be sent to the nurse and have to make up the test.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP, I have a 14-year-old DD. I do a lot of carpools with 14 and 15 year-olds, plus my daughter has friends over often. Seriously, they use the word creep and creepy all the time, “pedo” also. They think most of their male teachers and male coaches are creeps. When I ask for examples they are ridiculous. For example, they think one of their soccer coaches is a creep because he has been telling one of the girls how great she is playing and how much she has improved. Which she has, but because it comes from a male coach it’s creepy. The little extra attention, instead of feeling encouraged, makes them all think that he is into her. All the examples about their male teaches being creeps are similar to this. I feel for male teachers middle school and high school, as well as male coaches for female teams. It cannot be easy.

OMG, yes! I was going to write something very similar to this. I have an eighth grader and she calls her male teachers teachers creeps all the time. Just yesterday she told me that one of her friends went to the bathroom right before a test was handed out. She took a really long time, and when she came back the teacher was annoyed and said something like “what were you doing in there, that took a really long time!”. He likes to hand out the test when everybody’s in the classroom, But the girls decided that he was a creep because he wanted to know what this girl was doing in the bathroom.

He shouldn’t be asking. She might have her period, be sick, whatever. If he is someone routinely abusing the bathroom, make them go to the nurses office not ask in front of class. That is creepy

Oh, please stop. The girl took a very long time, and I know from DD that the reason was that she happened to coincide with another friend in the bathroom and were doing tik toks, yes tik toks in the bathroom. So the teacher was annoyed because the whole class was waiting for her to take the test.

Right and the consequence should be to be sent to the nurse and have to make up the test.

In a better world, the consequence should be to lose the phone.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I think this is a little bit of collateral damage from the MeToo movement. I am ALL for women and girls speaking out about sexual abuse and harassment, but I think it is often also taken way too far - in terms of being allowed to assume the worst in questionable cases, being allowed to accuse men of these things without any evidence and then everyone being required to take those accusations completely seriously. A classic pendulum swing in the other direction. And that never ends well.

Your husband didn't do anything weird. He is just socially awkward and clueless and doesn't realize yet that he has to work a lot harder to make sure he doesn't look like a creep in this day and age. Basically, those bad apples (and there are plenty), ruined it for the rest of the decent men out there. It's not totally fair, but that's what it is, and he has to be aware and act accordingly. Rules like don't ever be in the room alone with another female alone.

Not picking on you, but all the PP's saying "he didn't do anything wrong" and "teen girls are just dramatic and think everyone's obsessed with them" seem to be glossing right over the fact that OP said she herself was "concerned" by the amount of attention her DH pays to these girls, before any teenager voiced discomfort.

Two things can be true: non-creepy adult men have to be extra cautious around kids and teen girls because the wrong accusation could be devastating, and OP's DH is not a non-creepy adult men. He's setting off teen and adult warning bells in equal measure.

[Anonymous]

Even if your husband isn’t doing anything creepy, why do you want to put him/ put himself in a position to be accused of something??

[Anonymous]

I'm sorry but it's super weird to notice the bodies of 8th graders. Is he on the spectrum? He needs to stay away as he's making them uncomfortable.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My DS is in 6th grade and most of the parents watch all the practices. Will we get a memo next year that says to stop watching practice?

I saw a thread on the Sports Forum saying that parents should stay and watch practices, rather than just drop off, for multiple reasons. I'm not sure if the difference is girls v boys, or skill level, or region, or something else.

OP's kid is in a school sport, not travel/rec league/etc. where the parents have to drive the kid to practice anyway. Her DH is going to the school to watch practices. That's not normal in any grade.

OP here. Like PP he will come to pick her up from practice 20-30 minutes early and watch.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I think this is a little bit of collateral damage from the MeToo movement. I am ALL for women and girls speaking out about sexual abuse and harassment, but I think it is often also taken way too far - in terms of being allowed to assume the worst in questionable cases, being allowed to accuse men of these things without any evidence and then everyone being required to take those accusations completely seriously. A classic pendulum swing in the other direction. And that never ends well.

Your husband didn't do anything weird. He is just socially awkward and clueless and doesn't realize yet that he has to work a lot harder to make sure he doesn't look like a creep in this day and age. Basically, those bad apples (and there are plenty), ruined it for the rest of the decent men out there. It's not totally fair, but that's what it is, and he has to be aware and act accordingly. Rules like don't ever be in the room alone with another female alone.

Not picking on you, but all the PP's saying "he didn't do anything wrong" and "teen girls are just dramatic and think everyone's obsessed with them" seem to be glossing right over the fact that OP said she herself was "concerned" by the amount of attention her DH pays to these girls, before any teenager voiced discomfort.

Two things can be true: non-creepy adult men have to be extra cautious around kids and teen girls because the wrong accusation could be devastating, and OP's DH is not a non-creepy adult men. He's setting off teen and adult warning bells in equal measure.

Yup, the PP in bold sums it up perfectly.

It can BOTH be true that OPs DH may not have had a single harmful or inappropriate thought or action but is behaving in ways that legit set off alarms, so those behaviors need to be named and he needs to be given some ideas (and listen!) about other ways of handling his presence at tournaments and drop off/pick up. And good for OP for telling him what others are saying, so he can't say he didn't know it was an impressoin people had, and a discomfort people had.

And it can ALSO be true that OP's DH has some shady stuff on his mind and it would be a horrible idea for no one to check him if he continues to do things that make the girls or OP or other adults say "What's up with that guy?"

Our middle school DD is on a sports team, so as our oldest this whole "practices & games" logistics and cheering on is new for us as a family. There was a game where my DD pointed a guy out, no one was clear who he was with and he gave everyone the creeps. I think in the end he WAS with a family playing at the tournament, but I can vouch that I kept a VERY close eye on him because he just stared at the girls and if they looked at him, he stared back, sometimes pulled his mask down and scared, and it was creepy AF. But didn't do anything so clearly inappropriate that we felt like we had anything to report to the coaches.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My DS is in 6th grade and most of the parents watch all the practices. Will we get a memo next year that says to stop watching practice?

I saw a thread on the Sports Forum saying that parents should stay and watch practices, rather than just drop off, for multiple reasons. I'm not sure if the difference is girls v boys, or skill level, or region, or something else.

OP's kid is in a school sport, not travel/rec league/etc. where the parents have to drive the kid to practice anyway. Her DH is going to the school to watch practices. That's not normal in any grade.

There are a number of parents watching DD's practices. I think they a lot are showing up a bit early on their way back from work because traffic is unpredictable.
It happens to me sometimes where I arrive 15 or more minutes early. I'm on my phone in the car as are some parents but others come out and watch the practice. All perfectly normal.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I can't believe nobody has called troll. A 12 year old on varsity? In what universe? Playing alongside 16-18 year olds? What sport is this, op?

She’s calling eighth graders “varsity” in a PP.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I think this is a little bit of collateral damage from the MeToo movement. I am ALL for women and girls speaking out about sexual abuse and harassment, but I think it is often also taken way too far - in terms of being allowed to assume the worst in questionable cases, being allowed to accuse men of these things without any evidence and then everyone being required to take those accusations completely seriously. A classic pendulum swing in the other direction. And that never ends well.

Your husband didn't do anything weird. He is just socially awkward and clueless and doesn't realize yet that he has to work a lot harder to make sure he doesn't look like a creep in this day and age. Basically, those bad apples (and there are plenty), ruined it for the rest of the decent men out there. It's not totally fair, but that's what it is, and he has to be aware and act accordingly. Rules like don't ever be in the room alone with another female alone.

Not picking on you, but all the PP's saying "he didn't do anything wrong" and "teen girls are just dramatic and think everyone's obsessed with them" seem to be glossing right over the fact that OP said she herself was "concerned" by the amount of attention her DH pays to these girls, before any teenager voiced discomfort.

Two things can be true: non-creepy adult men have to be extra cautious around kids and teen girls because the wrong accusation could be devastating, and OP's DH is not a non-creepy adult men. He's setting off teen and adult warning bells in equal measure.

This part is so very true. Ask your own DH.

[Anonymous]

He sounds like a creepy pedo to me. And I'm not a teenage girl.

While false allegations are a reality so are creepy pedos. If I was parenting a teenage daughter right now I'd lean towards protecting her, and her friends, from all the creepy pedos including male relatives I never would have suspected.

[Anonymous]

Your husband sounds off. What attracted you to someone like him?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP, I have a 14-year-old DD. I do a lot of carpools with 14 and 15 year-olds, plus my daughter has friends over often. Seriously, they use the word creep and creepy all the time, “pedo” also. They think most of their male teachers and male coaches are creeps. When I ask for examples they are ridiculous. For example, they think one of their soccer coaches is a creep because he has been telling one of the girls how great she is playing and how much she has improved. Which she has, but because it comes from a male coach it’s creepy. The little extra attention, instead of feeling encouraged, makes them all think that he is into her. All the examples about their male teaches being creeps are similar to this. I feel for male teachers middle school and high school, as well as male coaches for female teams. It cannot be easy.

OMG, yes! I was going to write something very similar to this. I have an eighth grader and she calls her male teachers teachers creeps all the time. Just yesterday she told me that one of her friends went to the bathroom right before a test was handed out. She took a really long time, and when she came back the teacher was annoyed and said something like “what were you doing in there, that took a really long time!”. He likes to hand out the test when everybody’s in the classroom, But the girls decided that he was a creep because he wanted to know what this girl was doing in the bathroom.

Same here with my 9th grade daughter and friends. Every man who interacts with them in any way is said to be "acting creepy." The first couple of times I asked for clarification (being genuinely concerned) and was told something "he scratched his head in my presence or he he took a deep breath or walked with two legs". ANYTHING. It gets old to hear about and now I tell them to stop it. Not every male is out to get them. Then many of them post half naked pictures of themselves on instagram with accounts that are open to anyone.
It's a weird time to be a 14 year old girl.

[Anonymous]

My DD (13) plays for a local soccer club and there is a dad who watches every practice. Kind of outside the normal area parents gather and even weirder is that he watches the top team more than his own daughter's team. At first the girls called it creepy in the carpool back home and I tried to disagree with them but now i find it creepy. It i super strange how he lurks in the dark and is watching a team that is not his own kids. He is definitely socially awkward but if I was his wife- I would tell him to stop going to practice.

[Anonymous]

DD is on a team with someone younger like your daughter and she has told me that the girl's dad has tried to touch some of the girls as they leave practice. I hope this isn't your DH but it might be.