early 40s in sexless relationship

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Resurrecting this thread since my question is very similar to OP's. DH tries but loses interest / goes soft. We have elementary age kids so it's not like we're in the thick of the early years any more. I'll suggest a hormonal workup and cardio checkup (he has occasionally had episodes of high blood pressure in the past) but if those come back clean, what's the answer? I'm very fit, 45, he's 43. I don't think I can live like this for the next 10-15 years. :/

Does he not do oral, or use his hands?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Resurrecting this thread since my question is very similar to OP's. DH tries but loses interest / goes soft. We have elementary age kids so it's not like we're in the thick of the early years any more. I'll suggest a hormonal workup and cardio checkup (he has occasionally had episodes of high blood pressure in the past) but if those come back clean, what's the answer? I'm very fit, 45, he's 43. I don't think I can live like this for the next 10-15 years. :/

If it's just that he goes soft, it's ED which is not uncommon by mid-40s. Easily solvable by taking Viagra or Cialis.

If he's not interested in sex, that's a bigger issue. Range of reasons why, but only your DH knows. Not so easily solvable.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Resurrecting this thread since my question is very similar to OP's. DH tries but loses interest / goes soft. We have elementary age kids so it's not like we're in the thick of the early years any more. I'll suggest a hormonal workup and cardio checkup (he has occasionally had episodes of high blood pressure in the past) but if those come back clean, what's the answer? I'm very fit, 45, he's 43. I don't think I can live like this for the next 10-15 years. :/

If it's just that he goes soft, it's ED which is not uncommon by mid-40s. Easily solvable by taking Viagra or Cialis.

If he's not interested in sex, that's a bigger issue. Range of reasons why, but only your DH knows. Not so easily solvable.

Thank you. (And the other PPs) He says he's interested but sometimes it feels like he's just going through the motions.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:really good looking in early 40s. one child. healthy. we have sex once in two months. husband is also in early 40s. he is very loyal and loves me but does not care about sex? can it be true?

Again in a really good shape female 41 years old. I know it's not normal but can men do not care about sex? Does he masturbate? I am lost.

how about just ask him, shouldn't be that difficult

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Maybe he’s tired from doing the dishes everyday, have you treated him to a spa day?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:really good looking in early 40s. one child. healthy. we have sex once in two months. husband is also in early 40s. he is very loyal and loves me but does not care about sex? can it be true?

Again in a really good shape female 41 years old. I know it's not normal but can men do not care about sex? Does he masturbate? I am lost.

Does he care about anything?

Do you initiate anything or tell him more?

[Anonymous]

Why are we seeing like the third ED thread today all from supposedly different people? lol.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:If you bought sexy lingerie & a vibrator, do you think he would be excited? He might like using it on you & be happily surprised. Doing something out of routine might awaken him sexually. I’m in my early 40s & we have great sex a few times a week but it wasn’t always this way. We definitely went through years when are the children were younger when nothing happened. We were just exhausted & in a routine. It honestly does not take much effort to spice things up. Just make a couple small purchases and surprise him. If he doesn’t reciprocate, it’s definitely him, not you.

same here

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Resurrecting this thread since my question is very similar to OP's. DH tries but loses interest / goes soft. We have elementary age kids so it's not like we're in the thick of the early years any more. I'll suggest a hormonal workup and cardio checkup (he has occasionally had episodes of high blood pressure in the past) but if those come back clean, what's the answer? I'm very fit, 45, he's 43. I don't think I can live like this for the next 10-15 years. :/

If it's just that he goes soft, it's ED which is not uncommon by mid-40s. Easily solvable by taking Viagra or Cialis.

If he's not interested in sex, that's a bigger issue. Range of reasons why, but only your DH knows. Not so easily solvable.

Thank you. (And the other PPs) He says he's interested but sometimes it feels like he's just going through the motions.

Ask would he please "just go through the motions" on the basis that it's important to you?
Plenty of things in a marriage are this way: visiting in laws, hearing (for the 1000 time) about that annoying person from work, etc
Sex is not different. When something is important to your partner, that makes it important to you.

[Anonymous]

Sounds like low T. Happened with my ExH at mid 30s. I actually think he had it in his early 30s when we were dating and he told me when he stopped wanting to have sex all the time he thought he should just get married. We had an almost completely sexless marriage…7 out of 10 years nothing. The first 3 years might have been 5 times total. Divorced in 40s. Get him to an endocrinologist.

[Anonymous]

This thread is depressing.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Sounds like low T. Happened with my ExH at mid 30s. I actually think he had it in his early 30s when we were dating and he told me when he stopped wanting to have sex all the time he thought he should just get married. We had an almost completely sexless marriage…7 out of 10 years nothing. The first 3 years might have been 5 times total. Divorced in 40s. Get him to an endocrinologist.

Wow, I’m so sorry. Thanks for the tip!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Resurrecting this thread since my question is very similar to OP's. DH tries but loses interest / goes soft. We have elementary age kids so it's not like we're in the thick of the early years any more. I'll suggest a hormonal workup and cardio checkup (he has occasionally had episodes of high blood pressure in the past) but if those come back clean, what's the answer? I'm very fit, 45, he's 43. I don't think I can live like this for the next 10-15 years. :/

If it's just that he goes soft, it's ED which is not uncommon by mid-40s. Easily solvable by taking Viagra or Cialis.

If he's not interested in sex, that's a bigger issue. Range of reasons why, but only your DH knows. Not so easily solvable.

Thank you. (And the other PPs) He says he's interested but sometimes it feels like he's just going through the motions.

That doesn’t sound interested.

[Anonymous]

I have no way of knowing but I wonder what percentage of the husbands referenced in the ED threads have massacred both their dicks and brains though porn/masturbation.

If it wasn't so said it would be hilarious the contrast with people here going off on a comedy routing as a red flag while normalizing turning to porn instead of sex.

[Anonymous]

Have you rejected him many times in the past that he’s given up hope. This is me. (Go on, tell me how inadequate and what a terrible negligent husband I am without knowing anything about me.)