early 40s in sexless relationship

[Anonymous]

I think the writer is smart enough to know the difference between fatigue, some period that is temporary or a possible emerging pattern. She is trying to interpret a change in behavior - something seen a-typical male behavior.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I think the writer is smart enough to know the difference between fatigue, some period that is temporary or a possible emerging pattern. She is trying to interpret a change in behavior - something seen a-typical male behavior.

There is nothing in OP that says this is a change in behavior. Don’t make stuff up.

[Anonymous]

Marriage has been broken for eight years. Shortly after we had a kid it was over. Haven't had sex since. Yes, you read that correct. No sex in eight years. I've been seeing high scale escorts.

[Anonymous]

How often did you have sex early on in the relationship? Was it low frequency for his age as in once a week when he was in late 20s? OP, you married someone who is just not sexual. We never hear about these men, but they do exist. A doctor will confirm the truth you know but do not want to accept: he is healthy, this is normal FOR HIM. He will not change. Staying married to him means sacrificing the kind of sex life you thought you would have.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:P.S. I think withholding is intentional (one can say cruel in a very broad sense).

It it is passive aggressive “repel” behavior, from my experience. I am only recounting my own experience of 1.

Have you tried chores?

You are not helpful or clever. Please stop?

NP. I guess you may not find it helpful or clever but I do. Humor is a different coping mechanism than throwing darts in the dark (not bashing this method btw). May not be your cup of tea but any good sitcom that has drama involved always needs some comedic relief to reduce the tension, only to build up again before the situation is resolved. Humor may not solve the problem but is sometimes that extra breath or extra beat of time to provide some relief. Just wanted to point out a different perspective. No snark or ill will.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:P.S. I think withholding is intentional (one can say cruel in a very broad sense).

It it is passive aggressive “repel” behavior, from my experience. I am only recounting my own experience of 1.

Have you tried chores?

You are not helpful or clever. Please stop?

NP. I guess you may not find it helpful or clever but I do. Humor is a different coping mechanism than throwing darts in the dark (not bashing this method btw). May not be your cup of tea but any good sitcom that has drama involved always needs some comedic relief to reduce the tension, only to build up again before the situation is resolved. Humor may not solve the problem but is sometimes that extra breath or extra beat of time to provide some relief. Just wanted to point out a different perspective. No snark or ill will.

Your “joke” isn’t funny though. It’s so remarkably overplayed.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:P.S. I think withholding is intentional (one can say cruel in a very broad sense).

It it is passive aggressive “repel” behavior, from my experience. I am only recounting my own experience of 1.

Have you tried chores?

You are not helpful or clever. Please stop?

NP. I guess you may not find it helpful or clever but I do. Humor is a different coping mechanism than throwing darts in the dark (not bashing this method btw). May not be your cup of tea but any good sitcom that has drama involved always needs some comedic relief to reduce the tension, only to build up again before the situation is resolved. Humor may not solve the problem but is sometimes that extra breath or extra beat of time to provide some relief. Just wanted to point out a different perspective. No snark or ill will.

Your “joke” isn’t funny though. It’s so remarkably overplayed.

It wasn’t her joke.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:P.S. I think withholding is intentional (one can say cruel in a very broad sense).

It it is passive aggressive “repel” behavior, from my experience. I am only recounting my own experience of 1.

Have you tried chores?

We split household chores. It’s not a thing.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:really good looking in early 40s. one child. healthy. we have sex once in two months. husband is also in early 40s. he is very loyal and loves me but does not care about sex? can it be true?

Again in a really good shape female 41 years old. I know it's not normal but can men do not care about sex? Does he masturbate? I am lost.

What does he say when you bring it up?

[Anonymous]

drop a voice activated recorder in his car - you will see what's wrong right away. If he was always low t that's different, but if your sex life just recently changed I would say a 100% affair

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:drop a voice activated recorder in his car - you will see what's wrong right away. If he was always low t that's different, but if your sex life just recently changed I would say a 100% affair

That’s a healthy response.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:really good looking in early 40s. one child. healthy. we have sex once in two months. husband is also in early 40s. he is very loyal and loves me but does not care about sex? can it be true?

Again in a really good shape female 41 years old. I know it's not normal but can men do not care about sex? Does he masturbate? I am lost.

Why do you know it’s not normal?

Sexuality exists on a spectrum. There are a great many people who have little to no interest in sex, a great many more who have a lot of interest in the beginning of a relationship but not much at all as the relationship progresses and middle age arrives. These are all on the spectrum of normalcy.

Whatever else you read here at DCUM, the vast majority of marrieds and long term committed relationship partners are not having steamy hot sex lives. Research consistently shows a fairly low level of sexual activity in such relationships, and even less among the singles you think are out boffing every night. Sexual encounters are even on the decline in the very young and hot and available.

Be happy that you have a good marriage and have built a nice family and home. Get a jackrabbit and a library of soft core porn if you need more orgasms than your husband has interest in.

[Anonymous]

If you bought sexy lingerie & a vibrator, do you think he would be excited? He might like using it on you & be happily surprised. Doing something out of routine might awaken him sexually. I’m in my early 40s & we have great sex a few times a week but it wasn’t always this way. We definitely went through years when are the children were younger when nothing happened. We were just exhausted & in a routine. It honestly does not take much effort to spice things up. Just make a couple small purchases and surprise him. If he doesn’t reciprocate, it’s definitely him, not you.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Marriage has been broken for eight years. Shortly after we had a kid it was over. Haven't had sex since. Yes, you read that correct. No sex in eight years. I've been seeing high scale escorts.

Why do you stay married? Does she also see people on the outside and do you have an open marriage?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:If you bought sexy lingerie & a vibrator, do you think he would be excited? He might like using it on you & be happily surprised. Doing something out of routine might awaken him sexually. I’m in my early 40s & we have great sex a few times a week but it wasn’t always this way. We definitely went through years when are the children were younger when nothing happened. We were just exhausted & in a routine. It honestly does not take much effort to spice things up. Just make a couple small purchases and surprise him. If he doesn’t reciprocate, it’s definitely him, not you.

And this is in part why women can’t good advice on how to move forward from a low drive husband. We get sex tips. I’d dare say most have tried most methods of turning up the temperature. We are sexually functional sexually interested erotically persuasive women with low libido partners. Maybe a better converts how can we approach these men outside of the bedroom to figure out what’s going on. Non confrontational methods- conversation seeds would be helpful. I already know how to massage his p spot…