early 40s in sexless relationship

[Anonymous]

Wait a few years until you hit menopause - then you’ll complain that once a month is too much!

^ THIS is not normal. Signed a 60+ woman

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Wait a few years until you hit menopause - then you’ll complain that once a month is too much!

^ THIS is not normal. Signed a 60+ woman

Plus OP is at minimum a decade from that scenario.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Wait a few years until you hit menopause - then you’ll complain that once a month is too much!

^ THIS is not normal. Signed a 60+ woman

Plus OP is at minimum a decade from that scenario.

Or 2 years.

Ask me how I know.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Wait a few years until you hit menopause - then you’ll complain that once a month is too much!

^ THIS is not normal. Signed a 60+ woman

Plus OP is at minimum a decade from that scenario.

Or 2 years.

Ask me how I know.

I’m in early perimenopause as well. Doesn’t make me a sexless person. It’s a crappy thing to say.

[Anonymous]

Are you doing more than your share of housework and child care? I hear that men can get resentful and withdraw sexually if they feel like they have more burdens around the house.

Said no man, ever. Yeah, you're screwed. Or..not screwed. May have to outsource.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Do you just lay there like a fish?

This. The hottest women I’ve slept with, just laid there and did nothing. Didn’t initiate anything, didn’t really try to do any foreplay, etc. Op have you tried to do more in terms of turning him on?

If you are outsize your partner and are the jackhammering type, its very hard for the woman to do much... which is why we just try to get it over with in this situation.

[Anonymous]

Often sex is about power and ego. What’s the power dynamic like in your relationship, OP? If he feels disrespected or unmanly (or if someone else is making him feel more manly) that could be part of the problem.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I’m not good looking and have sex regularly with my 10 year older than me husband. According to DCUM OP we should have backwards lives- you get all the sex and I don’t.

I’m not sure this board will be able to answer your question because the answer clearly isn’t about attractiveness levels!

You're a lucky lady - and totally right that it's not about attractiveness. Though I bet you're better looking than you think.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:really good looking in early 40s. one child. healthy. we have sex once in two months. husband is also in early 40s. he is very loyal and loves me but does not care about sex? can it be true?

Again in a really good shape female 41 years old. I know it's not normal but can men do not care about sex? Does he masturbate? I am lost.

Call me, happy to help!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:really good looking in early 40s. one child. healthy. we have sex once in two months. husband is also in early 40s. he is very loyal and loves me but does not care about sex? can it be true?

Again in a really good shape female 41 years old. I know it's not normal but can men do not care about sex? Does he masturbate? I am lost.

Your husband is either a sexless loser, or a loser who is cheating on you, or a loser with a porn addiction. You only live once. It is time to cut bait and get out of there.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:really good looking in early 40s. one child. healthy. we have sex once in two months. husband is also in early 40s. he is very loyal and loves me but does not care about sex? can it be true?

Again in a really good shape female 41 years old. I know it's not normal but can men do not care about sex? Does he masturbate? I am lost.

Your husband is either a sexless loser, or a loser who is cheating on you, or a loser with a porn addiction. You only live once. It is time to cut bait and get out of there.

At 41, you need sex. But it'll not be with your husband, he will not change! It only gets worse.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:really good looking in early 40s. one child. healthy. we have sex once in two months. husband is also in early 40s. he is very loyal and loves me but does not care about sex? can it be true?

Again in a really good shape female 41 years old. I know it's not normal but can men do not care about sex? Does he masturbate? I am lost.

Why do you know it’s not normal?

Sexuality exists on a spectrum. There are a great many people who have little to no interest in sex, a great many more who have a lot of interest in the beginning of a relationship but not much at all as the relationship progresses and middle age arrives. These are all on the spectrum of normalcy.

Whatever else you read here at DCUM, the vast majority of marrieds and long term committed relationship partners are not having steamy hot sex lives. Research consistently shows a fairly low level of sexual activity in such relationships, and even less among the singles you think are out boffing every night. Sexual encounters are even on the decline in the very young and hot and available.

Be happy that you have a good marriage and have built a nice family and home. Get a jackrabbit and a library of soft core porn if you need more orgasms than your husband has interest in.

+1

I don’t know why everyone thinks there’s some “normal” amount of times to have sex, some “normal” way to have sex, much less a “normal” set of approaches over time, as humans change over time (There are so many good books on how sex changes throughout our lives!) And there are many “normal”—though sometimes awful—experiences. I know a couple whose sex life changed a lot after the spouse was the victim of a violent, random attack. I know a couple whose sex life changed after the husband had a medical issue. My own sex life changed after I had my third child. And on and on. It wasn’t about attractiveness, OP.

The question is what do YOU want from your sex life? What does your spouse want? Can you work together to come to something you both like?

[Anonymous]

How do you know he isn't interested? Have you tried initiating and he rejects? Or are you expecting him to initiate and he isn't?

[Anonymous]

Resurrecting this thread since my question is very similar to OP's. DH tries but loses interest / goes soft. We have elementary age kids so it's not like we're in the thick of the early years any more. I'll suggest a hormonal workup and cardio checkup (he has occasionally had episodes of high blood pressure in the past) but if those come back clean, what's the answer? I'm very fit, 45, he's 43. I don't think I can live like this for the next 10-15 years. :/

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Resurrecting this thread since my question is very similar to OP's. DH tries but loses interest / goes soft. We have elementary age kids so it's not like we're in the thick of the early years any more. I'll suggest a hormonal workup and cardio checkup (he has occasionally had episodes of high blood pressure in the past) but if those come back clean, what's the answer? I'm very fit, 45, he's 43. I don't think I can live like this for the next 10-15 years. :/

Sounds like an ED issue.