early 40s in sexless relationship

[Anonymous]

I’m in something similar. Except now I’m pregnant so DH says that’s why he isn’t interested in sex. There is usually some sort of excuse. I can’t even travel with him anymore because it’s depressing to go away as a couple and not have sex. He prioritizes alcohol and his job. I occasionally get to have sex 1-2x a month in the morning when he wakes up with a boner. But he rarely if ever has sex with me because he loves me and wants to show me.

It’s terrible and I’m about to walk out the door.

[Anonymous]

My husband is the same way. Except it’s been once in two YEARS. And that wasn’t new to pandemic. it’s like sex isn’t on his radar. He’s always exhausted. He’s finally getting a checkup - and cpap. Frustrated that he did not ask doc about getting T check.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I’m in something similar. Except now I’m pregnant so DH says that’s why he isn’t interested in sex. There is usually some sort of excuse. I can’t even travel with him anymore because it’s depressing to go away as a couple and not have sex. He prioritizes alcohol and his job. I occasionally get to have sex 1-2x a month in the morning when he wakes up with a boner. But he rarely if ever has sex with me because he loves me and wants to show me.

It’s terrible and I’m about to walk out the door.

The not having sex on vacation is super depressing. Have experienced that too. I think we had sex twice when trying to get pregnant and it wasn’t even in my fertility window, got super lucky. Sex dried up for us midway through my pregnancy - when I was super horny and always ready half mauling him. He hasn’t been interested much since, our child is a few years old. All of my past relationships were much more physical- this is challenging. I know he loves me deeply, but my body does not.

[Anonymous]

I’m not good looking and have sex regularly with my 10 year older than me husband. According to DCUM OP we should have backwards lives- you get all the sex and I don’t.

I’m not sure this board will be able to answer your question because the answer clearly isn’t about attractiveness levels!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I’m not good looking and have sex regularly with my 10 year older than me husband. According to DCUM OP we should have backwards lives- you get all the sex and I don’t.

I’m not sure this board will be able to answer your question because the answer clearly isn’t about attractiveness levels!

It’s definitely not. My DH has a low drive and on top of that seems to be unable to separate sex from other aspects of his life. Like he won’t be able to have sex if he’s having stress at work, problems with his parents, drank a lot etc. Whereas I simply enjoy sex and can almost always have it.

[Anonymous]

when the bells go off listen to them. mine left after a year from that point you describe. i’m attractive and fit, if it matters. AND he was checked out during therapy too.

in my case, ex husband’s S.O. seems nice. met her years later!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:when the bells go off listen to them. mine left after a year from that point you describe. i’m attractive and fit, if it matters. AND he was checked out during therapy too.

in my case, ex husband’s S.O. seems nice. met her years later!

What do you mean?

[Anonymous]

it’s a symptom of something else

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:when the bells go off listen to them. mine left after a year from that point you describe. i’m attractive and fit, if it matters. AND he was checked out during therapy too.

in my case, ex husband’s S.O. seems nice. met her years later!

What do you mean?

He might’ve been cheating on her.

[Anonymous]

P.S. I think withholding is intentional (one can say cruel in a very broad sense).

It it is passive aggressive “repel” behavior, from my experience. I am only recounting my own experience of 1.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I’m not good looking and have sex regularly with my 10 year older than me husband. According to DCUM OP we should have backwards lives- you get all the sex and I don’t.

I’m not sure this board will be able to answer your question because the answer clearly isn’t about attractiveness levels!

It’s definitely not. My DH has a low drive and on top of that seems to be unable to separate sex from other aspects of his life. Like he won’t be able to have sex if he’s having stress at work, problems with his parents, drank a lot etc. Whereas I simply enjoy sex and can almost always have it.

Um

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:P.S. I think withholding is intentional (one can say cruel in a very broad sense).

It it is passive aggressive “repel” behavior, from my experience. I am only recounting my own experience of 1.

Have you tried chores?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I’m not good looking and have sex regularly with my 10 year older than me husband. According to DCUM OP we should have backwards lives- you get all the sex and I don’t.

I’m not sure this board will be able to answer your question because the answer clearly isn’t about attractiveness levels!

It’s definitely not. My DH has a low drive and on top of that seems to be unable to separate sex from other aspects of his life. Like he won’t be able to have sex if he’s having stress at work, problems with his parents, drank a lot etc. Whereas I simply enjoy sex and can almost always have it.

This is very real for us too.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:P.S. I think withholding is intentional (one can say cruel in a very broad sense).

It it is passive aggressive “repel” behavior, from my experience. I am only recounting my own experience of 1.

Have you tried chores?

You are not helpful or clever. Please stop?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I’m not good looking and have sex regularly with my 10 year older than me husband. According to DCUM OP we should have backwards lives- you get all the sex and I don’t.

I’m not sure this board will be able to answer your question because the answer clearly isn’t about attractiveness levels!

It’s definitely not. My DH has a low drive and on top of that seems to be unable to separate sex from other aspects of his life. Like he won’t be able to have sex if he’s having stress at work, problems with his parents, drank a lot etc. Whereas I simply enjoy sex and can almost always have it.

This is very real for us too.

Uh, this is true for everybody.