Friend wants me to be a character witness in her custody case

[Anonymous]

You're trolling, right OP?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP here, I think my friend is a great mom and is there for her child more than her soon to be ex ever has. However, her divorce has had too much drama and I feel like she keeps turning to me for support. I already missed a few days of work due to testifying against her STBX in a domestic violence case. Not to be rude, but I do have my own things going on and I just don’t want to physically be involved in this anymore.

Not to be rude, but you suck as a human being. Your friend is well rid of you.

[Anonymous]

Just be prepared to lose the friend.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP here, I think my friend is a great mom and is there for her child more than her soon to be ex ever has. However, her divorce has had too much drama and I feel like she keeps turning to me for support. I already missed a few days of work due to testifying against her STBX in a domestic violence case. Not to be rude, but I do have my own things going on and I just don’t want to physically be involved in this anymore.

You.....don't want to help your friend leaving and abusive spouse get custody of her child? Wow.

[Anonymous]

OMG. He was convicted of abusing her and you’re calling her custody battle drama? I really hope for the sake of her and the kids that she has some real friends besides you.

If you don’t have the emotional bandwidth to be her go-to person have the balls to tell her. But please if you think she’s a good parent and he’s an abuser please do the right thing here and vouch for her.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I would seriously question character of such a friend who refuses to confirm I am a good parent at custody hearing. All my friends offered it when I was divorcing!

+1

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Years ago I had a friend ask me to speak against her husband in the custody case. She didn't ask me to speak for her as a character witness, but against him. She told me he was abusive to her and showed me bruises on her arm that she said he caused. I believed her, but I told her I could not testify that he was abusive because I had not personally observed it. Our friendship was never the same after that. Did I make the wrong decision?

Yeah, you suck. I hope she ended the friendship with you.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Wow what a selfish, self absorbed asshole you are, OP.

This is her life and her her child’s life, not “drama” as you put it. You can’t even muster an ounce of compassion to say what you know to be true. With friends like you, who needs enemies.

+1. OP...you are unbeliveable. I feel sorry for your friend. You certainly are not a friend at all.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OMG. He was convicted of abusing her and you’re calling her custody battle drama? I really hope for the sake of her and the kids that she has some real friends besides you.

If you don’t have the emotional bandwidth to be her go-to person have the balls to tell her. But please if you think she’s a good parent and he’s an abuser please do the right thing here and vouch for her.

THIS.

I read the update that the husband was convicted. Holy hell. This woman needs all of the help she can get. I wish I were her friend so I could go to bat for her and her kids. This is one of the worst experiences you can go through in life, ask me how I know.

[Anonymous]

Just do it .

The matter will die down before she knows it (in a couple of years everything will be different).

It’s an unfortunate thing. + domestic lawyers like to say it is “rare “ , which is not true in this area

She might not be able to deescalate things on her own. That’s when friends help.

Btw, evidence shows when spouse claims abuse it backfires in court. The finger is pointed back at the accuser. Read the latest out of George Washington University. It’s published.

Finally, she can always not participate and not play the legal game. The outcome will likely be the same. Judges know what they are doing. Domestic lawyers are clowns. They create conflict.

They trade in mundane matters and mange to feed off of it.

[Anonymous]

OP has to be a troll. She doesn’t respond to the criticism but adds facts that make her look even worse, like the fact that her friend’s ex was actually convicted for DV. What kind of a person would troll like this? Psycho.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Years ago I had a friend ask me to speak against her husband in the custody case. She didn't ask me to speak for her as a character witness, but against him. She told me he was abusive to her and showed me bruises on her arm that she said he caused. I believed her, but I told her I could not testify that he was abusive because I had not personally observed it. Our friendship was never the same after that. Did I make the wrong decision?

You could have just testified under oath that you did not observe anything instead of telling her why you weren’t going to.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Years ago I had a friend ask me to speak against her husband in the custody case. She didn't ask me to speak for her as a character witness, but against him. She told me he was abusive to her and showed me bruises on her arm that she said he caused. I believed her, but I told her I could not testify that he was abusive because I had not personally observed it. Our friendship was never the same after that. Did I make the wrong decision?

You could have just testified under oath that you did not observe anything instead of telling her why you weren’t going to.

NP and it's pretty clear the friend wanted her to lie for her so she still would have been mad at PP.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP here, I think my friend is a great mom and is there for her child more than her soon to be ex ever has. However, her divorce has had too much drama and I feel like she keeps turning to me for support. I already missed a few days of work due to testifying against her STBX in a domestic violence case. Not to be rude, but I do have my own things going on and I just don’t want to physically be involved in this anymore.

Yes, I can relate to how you feel. One of my best friends recently lost his father, and I had to go to a wake, plus a funeral the following day, and as if that’s not enough, they had a gathering AFTER the funeral that dragged forever. I had to reschedule a bunch of stuff and it threw off my entire week. So annoying! I hope I don’t have to go through that ever again.

[Anonymous]

I get it, op. Having pictures of bruises sent to you, then being told your friend can’t call the police is upsetting. I can understand her saying “Hang onto these pictures in case something happens to me, my phone, the cloud backup” but “Here are pictures of bruises, I can send them to you, but I just can’t call the police, the people who are the gateway of putting the bastard away, no, I just can’t or won’t call them, I’ll call you instead, another woman who doesn’t have the tools or resources to do much”.. I’d be thinking “You can take pictures and text, so you can talk to the outside world, but you can’t call the people who’s purpose in life is to at least start the process”. That’s scary as hell to see something like that appear on your phone. We are taught since childhood to “help a friend” but rarely are we given the tools to do it in situations like this.
My guess too is that there is nonsense around your appearing in court, your work doesn’t matter, your kids don’t matter, nothing but being there for your friend when needed does. That’s fine.. once, after that the lawyer and court need to help you out, depositions and the like. Your friend is the victim if this is taken on face value, where is the help that victims’ families and friends get?

Have you talked to the lawyer or his/her paralegal? Do you know what you are allowed to say and do and when? If not, I’d not help, either this is on the up-and-up or it isn’t.
The fact that your friend is*asking* you, v. you being subpoenaed makes me think this is just a bad custody fight. You have every right to know why the husband’s convictions aren’t being used against him, and why you are being asked not told using court processes, being served with a subpoena to appear.

For those of you saying you’re a bad person, a bad friend, that they’d help in a minute, you are logging onto this site of your own volution. You’re choosing what to click on and what to respond to. You are physically safe. You are here because you want to be here. The OP falls under the category of victim too in a sense, she deserves care and compassion too.