Friend wants me to be a character witness in her custody case

[Anonymous]

But I really don’t want to do it. We’ve been friends for so long, but I really don’t want to be wrapped up in her drama. Would I be wrong if I declined? How can I put it in the nicest possible way?

[Anonymous]

She doesn’t have family or godparents to vouch for her?

[Anonymous]

Do you have reservations about testifying to her fitness as a parent? I don’t understand why you wouldn’t testify as long as you could attest to her character and fitness without perjuring yourself.

[Anonymous]

I would seriously question character of such a friend who refuses to confirm I am a good parent at custody hearing. All my friends offered it when I was divorcing!

[Anonymous]

Dh was asked to be a character witness in our friend’s divorce. Dh declined. My friend, the mom, pushed me away even though Dh didn’t even testify. I guess she felt we took a side even though we didn’t. She was trying to get full custody and prove the husband was abusive.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:She doesn’t have family or godparents to vouch for her?

In many jurisdictions family members cannot serve at character witnesses in custody proceedings because they may be self-interested or otherwise too biased. For instance, the child’s grandparent may think they will get to see more of their grandchild if their own child has custody, even if their child isn’t really a fit parent.

And not everyone has godparents. Please don’t assume everyone is Christian.

[Anonymous]

If you decline, you will probably torch the friendship because it implicitly sends the message that you don’t think your friend is an adequate parent.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:If you decline, you will probably torch the friendship because it implicitly sends the message that you don’t think your friend is an adequate parent.

What if they think the other parent is just as adequate?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:If you decline, you will probably torch the friendship because it implicitly sends the message that you don’t think your friend is an adequate parent.

What if they think the other parent is just as adequate?

As a character witness, OP would be testifying solely about her friend’s character, not about the other parent. If for reason OP were asked about the other parent, OP can speak positively about the other parent too (assuming that’s the truth).

[Anonymous]

The right thing to do is to present to your friend exactly what you'd say. Then she's at liberty to decide whether to move forward with your name or not. You'll be able to signal how lukewarm you are before any damage is done, but in a way that doesn't damage the friendship.

[Anonymous]

What kind of drama will this wrap you up in?

[Anonymous]

The right thing to do is to present to your friend exactly what you'd say. Then she's at liberty to decide whether to move forward with your name or not. You'll be able to signal how lukewarm you are before any public damage is done, but in a way that doesn't damage the friendship.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:She doesn’t have family or godparents to vouch for her?

In many jurisdictions family members cannot serve at character witnesses in custody proceedings because they may be self-interested or otherwise too biased. For instance, the child’s grandparent may think they will get to see more of their grandchild if their own child has custody, even if their child isn’t really a fit parent.

And not everyone has godparents. Please don’t assume everyone is Christian.

But if she is Christian, it's good advice.

[Anonymous]

OP here, I think my friend is a great mom and is there for her child more than her soon to be ex ever has. However, her divorce has had too much drama and I feel like she keeps turning to me for support. I already missed a few days of work due to testifying against her STBX in a domestic violence case. Not to be rude, but I do have my own things going on and I just don’t want to physically be involved in this anymore.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP here, I think my friend is a great mom and is there for her child more than her soon to be ex ever has. However, her divorce has had too much drama and I feel like she keeps turning to me for support. I already missed a few days of work due to testifying against her STBX in a domestic violence case. Not to be rude, but I do have my own things going on and I just don’t want to physically be involved in this anymore.

You’re a bad person