Friend wants me to be a character witness in her custody case

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote: I get it, op. Having pictures of bruises sent to you, then being told your friend can’t call the police is upsetting. I can understand her saying “Hang onto these pictures in case something happens to me, my phone, the cloud backup” but “Here are pictures of bruises, I can send them to you, but I just can’t call the police, the people who are the gateway of putting the bastard away, no, I just can’t or won’t call them, I’ll call you instead, another woman who doesn’t have the tools or resources to do much”.. I’d be thinking “You can take pictures and text, so you can talk to the outside world, but you can’t call the people who’s purpose in life is to at least start the process”. That’s scary as hell to see something like that appear on your phone. We are taught since childhood to “help a friend” but rarely are we given the tools to do it in situations like this.
My guess too is that there is nonsense around your appearing in court, your work doesn’t matter, your kids don’t matter, nothing but being there for your friend when needed does. That’s fine.. once, after that the lawyer and court need to help you out, depositions and the like. Your friend is the victim if this is taken on face value, where is the help that victims’ families and friends get?

Have you talked to the lawyer or his/her paralegal? Do you know what you are allowed to say and do and when? If not, I’d not help, either this is on the up-and-up or it isn’t.
The fact that your friend is*asking* you, v. you being subpoenaed makes me think this is just a bad custody fight. You have every right to know why the husband’s convictions aren’t being used against him, and why you are being asked not told using court processes, being served with a subpoena to appear.

For those of you saying you’re a bad person, a bad friend, that they’d help in a minute, you are logging onto this site of your own volution. You’re choosing what to click on and what to respond to. You are physically safe. You are here because you want to be here. The OP falls under the category of victim too in a sense, she deserves care and compassion too.

What you wrote is just a bunch of justifying BS that doesn't even correspond with what OP told above. There is absolutely no asking her to testify that the exH is abusive. She doesn't NEED to tell court that he's violent etc if she doesn't have first hand information or witnessed it
She was asked to testify about what she confirmed herself: her friend is more involved parent than her exH.

There is not much drama there to justify her lack of appearance in court.

[Anonymous]

As the old adage goes… during times of hardship you find out who you’re true friends are. You’re not her friend.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote: I get it, op. Having pictures of bruises sent to you, then being told your friend can’t call the police is upsetting. I can understand her saying “Hang onto these pictures in case something happens to me, my phone, the cloud backup” but “Here are pictures of bruises, I can send them to you, but I just can’t call the police, the people who are the gateway of putting the bastard away, no, I just can’t or won’t call them, I’ll call you instead, another woman who doesn’t have the tools or resources to do much”.. I’d be thinking “You can take pictures and text, so you can talk to the outside world, but you can’t call the people who’s purpose in life is to at least start the process”. That’s scary as hell to see something like that appear on your phone. We are taught since childhood to “help a friend” but rarely are we given the tools to do it in situations like this.
My guess too is that there is nonsense around your appearing in court, your work doesn’t matter, your kids don’t matter, nothing but being there for your friend when needed does. That’s fine.. once, after that the lawyer and court need to help you out, depositions and the like. Your friend is the victim if this is taken on face value, where is the help that victims’ families and friends get?

Have you talked to the lawyer or his/her paralegal? Do you know what you are allowed to say and do and when? If not, I’d not help, either this is on the up-and-up or it isn’t.
The fact that your friend is*asking* you, v. you being subpoenaed makes me think this is just a bad custody fight. You have every right to know why the husband’s convictions aren’t being used against him, and why you are being asked not told using court processes, being served with a subpoena to appear.

For those of you saying you’re a bad person, a bad friend, that they’d help in a minute, you are logging onto this site of your own volution. You’re choosing what to click on and what to respond to. You are physically safe. You are here because you want to be here. The OP falls under the category of victim too in a sense, she deserves care and compassion too.

Safer and smarter idea to have a 3rd party or a Mandated Reporter be the one to call the police or CPS. That said, family court sux and is pro-abuser so OP's friend needs all the help she can get. If not OP who? If not now, when?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP here, I think my friend is a great mom and is there for her child more than her soon to be ex ever has. However, her divorce has had too much drama and I feel like she keeps turning to me for support. I already missed a few days of work due to testifying against her STBX in a domestic violence case. Not to be rude, but I do have my own things going on and I just don’t want to physically be involved in this anymore.

Are you willing to be virtually involved, like providing written testimony or making a video clip? Did your HR not reimburse you for the time off? Don't listen too these posters-taking time off of work DOES make you a good friend. Have you told her the amount and hours of lost wages? Did she try and make it up to you?

[Anonymous]

Calling it “her drama” is beyond the pale. You are a horrible friend.

[Anonymous]

OP I understand your feelings. My DH's best friend asked him to be a character witness in his custody case. He is of course on his friend's side and thinks he is a good parent. But the divorce is just so so so much drama and we've already been pulled into it in so many ways. My DH did it because that is what friends do but he wasn't thrilled about it.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP here, I think my friend is a great mom and is there for her child more than her soon to be ex ever has. However, her divorce has had too much drama and I feel like she keeps turning to me for support. I already missed a few days of work due to testifying against her STBX in a domestic violence case. Not to be rude, but I do have my own things going on and I just don’t want to physically be involved in this anymore.

Yes, I can relate to how you feel. One of my best friends recently lost his father, and I had to go to a wake, plus a funeral the following day, and as if that’s not enough, they had a gathering AFTER the funeral that dragged forever. I had to reschedule a bunch of stuff and it threw off my entire week. So annoying! I hope I don’t have to go through that ever again.

The person died. There is no threat to anyone. This was all optional. This is not remotely similar.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP here, I think my friend is a great mom and is there for her child more than her soon to be ex ever has. However, her divorce has had too much drama and I feel like she keeps turning to me for support. I already missed a few days of work due to testifying against her STBX in a domestic violence case. Not to be rude, but I do have my own things going on and I just don’t want to physically be involved in this anymore.

Are you willing to be virtually involved, like providing written testimony or making a video clip? Did your HR not reimburse you for the time off? Don't listen too these posters-taking time off of work DOES make you a good friend. Have you told her the amount and hours of lost wages? Did she try and make it up to you?

She’s going to have her attorney reach out to me regarding a written testimony.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP here, I think my friend is a great mom and is there for her child more than her soon to be ex ever has. However, her divorce has had too much drama and I feel like she keeps turning to me for support. I already missed a few days of work due to testifying against her STBX in a domestic violence case. Not to be rude, but I do have my own things going on and I just don’t want to physically be involved in this anymore.

Yes, I can relate to how you feel. One of my best friends recently lost his father, and I had to go to a wake, plus a funeral the following day, and as if that’s not enough, they had a gathering AFTER the funeral that dragged forever. I had to reschedule a bunch of stuff and it threw off my entire week. So annoying! I hope I don’t have to go through that ever again.

The person died. There is no threat to anyone. This was all optional. This is not remotely similar.

So you’re saying the friend chose to have her husband beat her?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP here, I think my friend is a great mom and is there for her child more than her soon to be ex ever has. However, her divorce has had too much drama and I feel like she keeps turning to me for support. I already missed a few days of work due to testifying against her STBX in a domestic violence case. Not to be rude, but I do have my own things going on and I just don’t want to physically be involved in this anymore.

Are you willing to be virtually involved, like providing written testimony or making a video clip? Did your HR not reimburse you for the time off? Don't listen too these posters-taking time off of work DOES make you a good friend. Have you told her the amount and hours of lost wages? Did she try and make it up to you?

Are kidding me with this? Are you a sociopath?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP here, I think my friend is a great mom and is there for her child more than her soon to be ex ever has. However, her divorce has had too much drama and I feel like she keeps turning to me for support. I already missed a few days of work due to testifying against her STBX in a domestic violence case. Not to be rude, but I do have my own things going on and I just don’t want to physically be involved in this anymore.

Yes, I can relate to how you feel. One of my best friends recently lost his father, and I had to go to a wake, plus a funeral the following day, and as if that’s not enough, they had a gathering AFTER the funeral that dragged forever. I had to reschedule a bunch of stuff and it threw off my entire week. So annoying! I hope I don’t have to go through that ever again.

The person died. There is no threat to anyone. This was all optional. This is not remotely similar.

You really cannot pick up on sarcasm, can you.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP here, I think my friend is a great mom and is there for her child more than her soon to be ex ever has. However, her divorce has had too much drama and I feel like she keeps turning to me for support. I already missed a few days of work due to testifying against her STBX in a domestic violence case. Not to be rude, but I do have my own things going on and I just don’t want to physically be involved in this anymore.

Are you willing to be virtually involved, like providing written testimony or making a video clip? Did your HR not reimburse you for the time off? Don't listen too these posters-taking time off of work DOES make you a good friend. Have you told her the amount and hours of lost wages? Did she try and make it up to you?

Are kidding me with this? Are you a sociopath?

+1 What did I just read.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP here, I think my friend is a great mom and is there for her child more than her soon to be ex ever has. However, her divorce has had too much drama and I feel like she keeps turning to me for support. I already missed a few days of work due to testifying against her STBX in a domestic violence case. Not to be rude, but I do have my own things going on and I just don’t want to physically be involved in this anymore.

You’re a bad person

Yep. You need to stop up to the plate and help her. This is what true friends are for, not only for meting at the Falls Church farmers market to shop for tomatoes.

[Anonymous]

Don't listen to these people telling you you are a bad friend. Most of them likely don't have jobs or have very flexible jobs. They don't understand the experience of the majority of working middle class Americans who can't just take off work whenever they want.

Give as much to the friendship as you feel comfortable with. Not all friends or friendships are equal. Some get more of your time and emotional bandwidth than others, but they all can still be your friends.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP here, I think my friend is a great mom and is there for her child more than her soon to be ex ever has. However, her divorce has had too much drama and I feel like she keeps turning to me for support. I already missed a few days of work due to testifying against her STBX in a domestic violence case. Not to be rude, but I do have my own things going on and I just don’t want to physically be involved in this anymore.

You are not close to her then. Friendships don’t expire, in the middle of her crisis.