Friend wants me to be a character witness in her custody case

[Anonymous]

Op, you asked for advice on what to say to her. Just tell her you realize you're not a good friend and you don't want to be involved in her life anymore.

I hope your friend comes here on DCUM when she needs support. We'll be here for her.

Now you can go away, op, since DCUM terms to have drama and you don't want any.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Years ago I had a friend ask me to speak against her husband in the custody case. She didn't ask me to speak for her as a character witness, but against him. She told me he was abusive to her and showed me bruises on her arm that she said he caused. I believed her, but I told her I could not testify that he was abusive because I had not personally observed it. Our friendship was never the same after that. Did I make the wrong decision?

It's not wrong to not lie in court. Perhaps if this happened on an ongoing basis you could testify about the bruises and what she told you caused them but you definitely shouldn't say you saw him hit her or there's had personal knowledge of it.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:If you decline, you will probably torch the friendship because it implicitly sends the message that you don’t think your friend is an adequate parent.

What if they think the other parent is just as adequate?

That is not the question. I’ve done this for a friend and it is NBD. I’ve written a letter, it was fine and did not wrap me up in drama whatsoever.

[Anonymous]

You can say no as long as you're willing to lose the friendship. Your friend is better off without friends like you.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP here, I think my friend is a great mom and is there for her child more than her soon to be ex ever has. However, her divorce has had too much drama and I feel like she keeps turning to me for support. I already missed a few days of work due to testifying against her STBX in a domestic violence case. Not to be rude, but I do have my own things going on and I just don’t want to physically be involved in this anymore.

Well you are a truly crappy friend. My friends have stuck by me like white on rice during my own DV history. They offered testimony, money, places to live, using their address for school, the works.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP here, I think my friend is a great mom and is there for her child more than her soon to be ex ever has. However, her divorce has had too much drama and I feel like she keeps turning to me for support. I already missed a few days of work due to testifying against her STBX in a domestic violence case. Not to be rude, but I do have my own things going on and I just don’t want to physically be involved in this anymore.

You’re a bad person

Yes - with friends like that you don't really need enemies.

I mean, WTF, if I happened to witness an assault, I would skip work to testify for a stranger.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP here, I think my friend is a great mom and is there for her child more than her soon to be ex ever has. However, her divorce has had too much drama and I feel like she keeps turning to me for support. I already missed a few days of work due to testifying against her STBX in a domestic violence case. Not to be rude, but I do have my own things going on and I just don’t want to physically be involved in this anymore.

So your friend is trying to get out of an abusive marriage, and you don’t feel like missing a day of work to help her protect her kids from being abused as well? That’s beyond being a shitty friend, you’re a fundamentally shitty person.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP here, I think my friend is a great mom and is there for her child more than her soon to be ex ever has. However, her divorce has had too much drama and I feel like she keeps turning to me for support. I already missed a few days of work due to testifying against her STBX in a domestic violence case. Not to be rude, but I do have my own things going on and I just don’t want to physically be involved in this anymore.

So your friend is trying to get out of an abusive marriage, and you don’t feel like missing a day of work to help her protect her kids from being abused as well? That’s beyond being a shitty friend, you’re a fundamentally shitty person.

The absolute worst!

[Anonymous]

Does she want you to testify in court? Or speak with the guardian ad litem? Speaking with the guardian ad litem is low stress, they will be nice to you, and it shouldn’t take more than 30-45minutes.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:She doesn’t have family or godparents to vouch for her?

In many jurisdictions family members cannot serve at character witnesses in custody proceedings because they may be self-interested or otherwise too biased. For instance, the child’s grandparent may think they will get to see more of their grandchild if their own child has custody, even if their child isn’t really a fit parent.

And not everyone has godparents. Please don’t assume everyone is Christian.

But if she is Christian, it's good advice.

Except if the rule is no family, that's going to rule out a lot of godparents. My kids all have aunts and uncles as their godparents.

[Anonymous]

As a friend of someone who needed me for unconditional support > I would definitely be there for any of my friends whenever they needed me in any capacity.

Because that is what a true, authentic friend does.

If you are unwilling to do this favor for her OP - then you should take a step back & realize that this friendship is simply too much emotional draining for you to deal with.
And that it is okay to feel this way.

[Anonymous]

OP look up the statistics for women and children who die by the hands of their abusers while trying to leave them. Ask yourself how you will feel if that happens.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP here, I think my friend is a great mom and is there for her child more than her soon to be ex ever has. However, her divorce has had too much drama and I feel like she keeps turning to me for support. I already missed a few days of work due to testifying against her STBX in a domestic violence case. Not to be rude, but I do have my own things going on and I just don’t want to physically be involved in this anymore.

You don't sound like a good friend at all. This man ABUSED HER and you are okay with him getting the kids? WTF?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP here, I think my friend is a great mom and is there for her child more than her soon to be ex ever has. However, her divorce has had too much drama and I feel like she keeps turning to me for support. I already missed a few days of work due to testifying against her STBX in a domestic violence case. Not to be rude, but I do have my own things going on and I just don’t want to physically be involved in this anymore.

Are you real? Wow. With friends like you who needs abusive exes?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP here, I think my friend is a great mom and is there for her child more than her soon to be ex ever has. However, her divorce has had too much drama and I feel like she keeps turning to me for support. I already missed a few days of work due to testifying against her STBX in a domestic violence case. Not to be rude, but I do have my own things going on and I just don’t want to physically be involved in this anymore.

You’re a bad person

Yes - with friends like that you don't really need enemies.

I mean, WTF, if I happened to witness an assault, I would skip work to testify for a stranger.

I didn't witness the physical assault, she sent me pictures of her injuries and I called the police for her because she was afraid to.