Friend wants me to be a character witness in her custody case

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP here, I think my friend is a great mom and is there for her child more than her soon to be ex ever has. However, her divorce has had too much drama and I feel like she keeps turning to me for support. I already missed a few days of work due to testifying against her STBX in a domestic violence case. Not to be rude, but I do have my own things going on and I just don’t want to physically be involved in this anymore.

You’re a bad person

Yes - with friends like that you don't really need enemies.

I mean, WTF, if I happened to witness an assault, I would skip work to testify for a stranger.

I didn't witness the physical assault, she sent me pictures of her injuries and I called the police for her because she was afraid to.

So then what is your question? This keeps getting worse and worse like you don’t believe her.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP here, I think my friend is a great mom and is there for her child more than her soon to be ex ever has. However, her divorce has had too much drama and I feel like she keeps turning to me for support. I already missed a few days of work due to testifying against her STBX in a domestic violence case. Not to be rude, but I do have my own things going on and I just don’t want to physically be involved in this anymore.

You’re a bad person

I agree. As a divorced woman with an abusive ex I can’t stand people like you.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:But I really don’t want to do it. We’ve been friends for so long, but I really don’t want to be wrapped up in her drama. Would I be wrong if I declined? How can I put it in the nicest possible way?

You really should and just be factual and objective.

I’d had to be a character witness for a coworker before in a custody case.

[Anonymous]

Was he convicted in the criminal case? If so, I doubt there's much value to you testifying because they can just introduce the transcript from the criminal case as evidence. If not, probably even less value to you testifying because the case is probably weak.

Easiest way around this is to ask her lawyer to draw up an affidavit that you sign. Obviously make sure it's true but then you're done with minimal effort and there's no hard feelings with the friend.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:She doesn’t have family or godparents to vouch for her?

Family witnesses hold less weight than non family witnesses, though they still hold weight and often have been around longer to see more and see patterns.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:But I really don’t want to do it. We’ve been friends for so long, but I really don’t want to be wrapped up in her drama. Would I be wrong if I declined? How can I put it in the nicest possible way?

I’d had to go and testify to a bad accident at a gym once when a parents total lack of judgment resulted in a child’s broken leg. Turns out that parent had example after example of neglect and “accidents” due to some serious mental disorders, none of which mattered in family court. But witnesses to him at the gym, not helping a drowning child, backing over a child w his car, did. He literally denied and downplayed horrible things. But I only was there for one of them, so looked like bad luck or an “accident.” But there were too many.

Safety is not an accident.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Dh was asked to be a character witness in our friend’s divorce. Dh declined. My friend, the mom, pushed me away even though Dh didn’t even testify. I guess she felt we took a side even though we didn’t. She was trying to get full custody and prove the husband was abusive.

You did take a side, loud and clear.

Do you even know what the various types of abuse are. Verbal, Neglect, Emotional, psychological, physical.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP here, I think my friend is a great mom and is there for her child more than her soon to be ex ever has. However, her divorce has had too much drama and I feel like she keeps turning to me for support. I already missed a few days of work due to testifying against her STBX in a domestic violence case. Not to be rude, but I do have my own things going on and I just don’t want to physically be involved in this anymore.

Wow. Sad.

Hope you’re life continues to be all peaches and roses and you never need help getting out of hell on earth with your children.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Dh was asked to be a character witness in our friend’s divorce. Dh declined. My friend, the mom, pushed me away even though Dh didn’t even testify. I guess she felt we took a side even though we didn’t. She was trying to get full custody and prove the husband was abusive.

You did take a side. Your actions said everything. You are a terrible friend.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Dh was asked to be a character witness in our friend’s divorce. Dh declined. My friend, the mom, pushed me away even though Dh didn’t even testify. I guess she felt we took a side even though we didn’t. She was trying to get full custody and prove the husband was abusive.

You did take a side. Your actions said everything. You are a terrible friend.

I read this the complete opposite way. I read it as they were friends with a couple and the wife pushed them away as friends even though DH didn't testify for the husband (i.e. not taking sides). Otherwise, the bolded part doesn't make any sense esp. the reference to the PP's friend (i.e. the wife).

[Anonymous]

I don’t think you should do it it bc of the “drama” but bc you would be a terrible witness/advocate for her considering you don’t even want to help her.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Was he convicted in the criminal case? If so, I doubt there's much value to you testifying because they can just introduce the transcript from the criminal case as evidence. If not, probably even less value to you testifying because the case is probably weak.

Easiest way around this is to ask her lawyer to draw up an affidavit that you sign. Obviously make sure it's true but then you're done with minimal effort and there's no hard feelings with the friend.

Yes, he was convicted.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:But I really don’t want to do it. We’ve been friends for so long, but I really don’t want to be wrapped up in her drama. Would I be wrong if I declined? How can I put it in the nicest possible way?

I’d had to go and testify to a bad accident at a gym once when a parents total lack of judgment resulted in a child’s broken leg. Turns out that parent had example after example of neglect and “accidents” due to some serious mental disorders, none of which mattered in family court. But witnesses to him at the gym, not helping a drowning child, backing over a child w his car, did. He literally denied and downplayed horrible things. But I only was there for one of them, so looked like bad luck or an “accident.” But there were too many.

Safety is not an accident.

Court probably won't care unless there was a conviction in one of those cases.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Was he convicted in the criminal case? If so, I doubt there's much value to you testifying because they can just introduce the transcript from the criminal case as evidence. If not, probably even less value to you testifying because the case is probably weak.

Easiest way around this is to ask her lawyer to draw up an affidavit that you sign. Obviously make sure it's true but then you're done with minimal effort and there's no hard feelings with the friend.

Yes, he was convicted.

So have them use the trial transcript or an affidavit and be done with it. I hear you on not wasting time going to court but there's a minimal effort resolution available to you.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP here, I think my friend is a great mom and is there for her child more than her soon to be ex ever has. However, her divorce has had too much drama and I feel like she keeps turning to me for support. I already missed a few days of work due to testifying against her STBX in a domestic violence case. Not to be rude, but I do have my own things going on and I just don’t want to physically be involved in this anymore.

Wow. A friend of mine was in a similar situation, and I offered that I'd fly cross-country whenever she needed me so she could keep custody of her kids. In the end she didn't need me to, but I can't imagine being a close enough friend that you'd be on the go-to list as a character witness and refusing in this scenario.