Lost it when mu husband called me the b-word

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Since some want to twist the story.

Husband attacked first by putting down op's dream something op admits he does frequently.

It's a cycle for them. I guarantee you her husband said what he did to provoke a response that he got so he could then tell op she's awful.

There's no marital counseling that can fix this.

Sounds like you're doing a little twisting yourself. Wife yells and throws shoes at the wall and it must have been his fault because he provoked it. Sort of like you wouldn't have been sexually assaulted if you hadn't worn those clothes. Such hypocrisy.

Love how you skip to the end. Yet ride out of the gate the guy is a jerk and cursing. Wow. A jerk earned a shoe thrown at the door. In contrast to what? Walking away w ones tail between ones legs and no resolution to the $4k course?

[Anonymous]

You both need some therapy and need tools to deal during the time of arguments.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:You both need some therapy and need tools to deal during the time of arguments.

Something tells me he cannot have discussions.

She brings up an idea, want or need.
He shuts things down with put downs
She tries to reason and get louder.
He name calls and insults.
She yells back.
He stonewalls off and slams the door.
She throws a shoe at the door.

He wins, no resolution on the class she wanted to take. Or she complies with his put down, no.

She’s backed in to a corner: comply & shut up, or comply & argue/yell.

Unf I don’t think anything can get through to him. No kids, talk w lawyers, cut bait & divorce. He has some mental disorders and too much hate.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Since some want to twist the story.

Husband attacked first by putting down op's dream something op admits he does frequently.

It's a cycle for them. I guarantee you her husband said what he did to provoke a response that he got so he could then tell op she's awful.

There's no marital counseling that can fix this.

Sounds like you're doing a little twisting yourself. Wife yells and throws shoes at the wall and it must have been his fault because he provoked it. Sort of like you wouldn't have been sexually assaulted if you hadn't worn those clothes. Such hypocrisy.

No you want to pin this all on op. The fact is he put her down. In your version op is to respond perfectly to her husband's bad behavior but he is completely justified in being nasty to her

It's you who has the double standard and why you are.being called a misogynist or a pick me.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Were you being a b?

I was being annoying. I wanted to take this certification class for work that would cost 4k. He thought it was too much and a waste of money and to explore cheaper options. I felt hurt that he would just put down what I have wanted for a while and call it a
"waste."

I raised my voice and said it is not a waste to me as it would give me a certification and it hurts me that he can't be supportive.

See if your employer will cover part of the cost.

This would be all well + good however this would not solve the huge issue of disrespect that is going on in this marriage.

OP, you have no reason to be embarrassed.
I absolutely hate being referred to by that word & if someone had called me that word previously then my resentment would be through the roof.

It appears that you are accepting all the blame here which is something that abuse victims tend to do.
Your husband needs to apologize for calling you that.
Period.
Then promise you not to ever use it again.

If he continues > I suggest marriage counseling or if he refuses then divorce.

I honestly could not live w/someone on a daily basis who would use such a cruel moniker toward me every time he wasn’t happy w/me! 😡
Good luck!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Were you being a b?

I was being annoying. I wanted to take this certification class for work that would cost 4k. He thought it was too much and a waste of money and to explore cheaper options. I felt hurt that he would just put down what I have wanted for a while and call it a
"waste."

I raised my voice and said it is not a waste to me as it would give me a certification and it hurts me that he can't be supportive.

So you yelled at him because he didn’t want to spend $4K on your training. You need better argument skills. Do you yell every time you don’t get your way?

Don’t you have $4K why do you need his money.

Oh it's the poster who always blames the victim. Did you finally get banned from Reddit,?

The H is the victim here. She was screaming at him and throwing things.

He said a word, not a nice word but… Get some perspective.

She threw a temper tantrum because he wouldn’t give her $4000

Fifty bucks says you’re a guy who is either divorced or never married.

No I’m a married woman of 25+ years who doesn’t yell at my H when we disagree over how to spend money.

OP needs to get a grip.

She was screaming at her H, step 1, walk away if you are frustrated, wait 20 minutes for your body to regulate, request a time to discuss.

Or use your own money and never have the conversation.

The fact that you sound like a divorced dude should tell you something. Why do you believe it’s “his” money? That’s usually a misogynist male attitude.

The fact that OP Admitted that she was the one who started yelling first and you’re defending her and you think only a misogynistic Male would defend him says a lot about you.

She was wrong first. He is wrong too but she needs to stop starting fights and playing the victim. It’s extremely immature and toxic.

I didn't defend her at all. I just find it telling that you'd say she needs to get "her own" money to pay for this. If you don't think a husband's money is a wife's money too, you're coming from a misogynistic perspective and your entire interpretation of the situation is suspect.

No it’s not misogynistic to “have your own money”. If I’d tell a dude to use “his own money” too. Why do you assume he makes more money or has money to give? That’s misogynistic.

I don't think it's mysoginistic to require a woman to use her own money. Isn't that what at least the beginning of feminism is about? Equality. Women are just as capable as men and deserve the same rights . No longer being property of a husband, suffrage, equal pay etc (different things over about 60 years). I deserve to be equal, if I'm equal I don't need a man to pay for my things.

Op, just save the money yourself. If the certificate is that important, you will save the money and feel accomplished once you achieve it. Also, why isn't your employer covering this certification?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:So you are angry because he didn't respond properly to your verbal abuse?

That seems to be the issue here

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:You both need some therapy and need tools to deal during the time of arguments.

Something tells me he cannot have discussions.

She brings up an idea, want or need.
He shuts things down with put downs
She tries to reason and get louder.
He name calls and insults.
She yells back.
He stonewalls off and slams the door.
She throws a shoe at the door.

He wins, no resolution on the class she wanted to take. Or she complies with his put down, no.

She’s backed in to a corner: comply & shut up, or comply & argue/yell.

Unf I don’t think anything can get through to him. No kids, talk w lawyers, cut bait & divorce. He has some mental disorders and too much hate.

That’s my read as well. Right off the bat he chooses to be an @$$.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Did he say “you are a b” or “you’re being a b”?

My H called me this name, exactly once, then tried to minimize it in exactly this way (“I didn’t call you a B, I said you were acting like one”).

I explained that that word had no place in a respectful dialogue between us, no matter how heated it got.

Internally I noted what he was trying to do; prime me to tolerate abusive language. And I promised myself that if it happened again we were done. It never has.

It’s sad how men will twist themselves in a pretzel to try this stuff. Know that you’ll eventually find a woman who will tolerate name-calling.

Many of us will not. I would absolutely leave my marriage if I were called names. It’s a bright line.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Since some want to twist the story.

Husband attacked first by putting down op's dream something op admits he does frequently.

It's a cycle for them. I guarantee you her husband said what he did to provoke a response that he got so he could then tell op she's awful.

There's no marital counseling that can fix this.

Sounds like you're doing a little twisting yourself. Wife yells and throws shoes at the wall and it must have been his fault because he provoked it. Sort of like you wouldn't have been sexually assaulted if you hadn't worn those clothes. Such hypocrisy.

No you want to pin this all on op. The fact is he put her down. In your version op is to respond perfectly to her husband's bad behavior but he is completely justified in being nasty to her

It's you who has the double standard and why you are.being called a misogynist or a pick me.

Sounds like you’ve thrown shoes at the wall yourself a few times. Throwing insults around like misogynist, incel, pick me all show how immature you are.

[Anonymous]

https://youth.be/i9AT3jjAP0Y

[Anonymous]

https://youtu.be/s-DQM-1atK0

[Anonymous]

I think you need to call him the same thing and if it doesn't bother him it shouldn't bother you.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:You both need some therapy and need tools to deal during the time of arguments.

Something tells me he cannot have discussions.

She brings up an idea, want or need.
He shuts things down with put downs
She tries to reason and get louder.
He name calls and insults.
She yells back.
He stonewalls off and slams the door.
She throws a shoe at the door.

He wins, no resolution on the class she wanted to take. Or she complies with his put down, no.

She’s backed in to a corner: comply & shut up, or comply & argue/yell.

Unf I don’t think anything can get through to him. No kids, talk w lawyers, cut bait & divorce. He has some mental disorders and too much hate.

That’s my read as well. Right off the bat he chooses to be an @$$.

I agree too. He sounds like a hot head -- she doesn't have to just be quiet and apologize. Some of you are pretty mean to people on here that have jerky husbands.

[Anonymous]

Here is the issue

He didn’t say no, he asked if there was a cheaper option.

She could do research a come back and say I researched it couldn’t find a comparable option for the same value. He maybe would have pushed back, maybe not. She never let the conversation get that far.

Both sound crazy though